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The following is a transcript for the episode "Room and Hoard."

Script

[Up in the attic, Rita and Lynn Sr. are looking through all the family's old stuff.]
Rita: "Are you sure you need to find that VHS tape for Kotaro?"
Lynn Sr: [Comes out of a box with a tuba on his head.] "A little help?" [Rita struggles to pull the tuba off his head, she manages to, throwing them both into more boxes.] "Yeah, it's got all the footage from our first trip to Cowbella, I promised him we'd watch it for our friendiversary next week."
Rita: "Well, there's no way were gonna find anything in here, I think it's time we had the kids give away some of their old stuff."
[Holds up a jack-in-the-box, who goes of with a rather creepy laugh.]


[Later, the kids are looking through the attic, but they are actually intrigued by all their old stuff.]
Luan: [Gasps] "Mr. Snuggles."
[Lincoln gasps when he finds one of his old shirts, everyone enjoys being reunited with their old stuff.]
Lisa: "Eureka!"
Lynn: [Finds some tiny boxing gloves.] "My pregame punchers!" [Puts them on] "Man this feels like Christmas!"
Leni: [Wearing multiple sunglasses] "Yeah, but with way more stuff!"
Rita: [Growing impatient] "Come on guys, focus, you need to be getting rid of stuff." [Looks at someone] "Not eating it."
[Looking at Lana, who is eating a mud pie. Lana chuckles, and Lynn Sr. snatches it from her.]
Lana: "Come on, it's my first mud pie, perfectly aged. Why do we have to get rid of all this great stuff?"
[The other kids beg their parents to let them keep their stuff.]
Lynn Sr.: "Well, we're sorry kiddos, but in a house, with thirteen people there's just not enough room for it all."
[The kids keep begging.]
Rita: "We all have to make sacrifices sometimes, even your father donates ties from his prized collection every now and then."
[Sees her husband lovingly looking at one of his ties.]
Lincoln: [Thinks] "Wait, what if we can prove to you that we still use all this stuff? Then can we keep it?"
Rita: "Fine, but if you can't, all of this has to go. Deal?"
[The kids cheer, knocking over a stack of boxes that almost falls on their parents, who clutch each other in fright.]


[Later, Lynn Sr. and Rita are working in the garden, when suddenly Lynn Sr. notices something. Lucy is digging, with a shovel that's smaller than her hand.]
Rita: [Can't believe this] "Really?" [Goes over to Lucy] "You sure you don't wanna use this shovel instead, Sweetie?" [Points at the full-sized shovel she's holding.]
Lucy: "No thanks, my old toy shovel will do." [Fangs drops her a tiny coffin. Lucy places it in the hole, places a dead bee inside, and drops in a rose.] "Farewell, Ms. Bee, your pollinating skills will be missed."
[Rita and Lynn Sr. can't believe this.]
Lori: [Offscreen, gasps] "No way!" [Comes outside with a toy phone.] "He did not."
Lynn Sr.: "Oh, hey Lori-Lou."
Lori: "Dad, um, I'm on the phone." [Returns to the toy phone.] "Sorry, what were you saying?" [Presses a button]
Toy Phone: "The cow says..." [Cow sound]
Lori: "Then what did the chicken say?"
[Rita rolls her eyes, when suddenly...]
Lynn: "Are you ready for the Lynn-sanity!" [She's playing basketball. She dribbles a rather squeaky ball, gets some major air, and dunks, in a net that's shorter than her. She picks it up and cheers.] "That's how you do it."
[Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other, and groan.]


[Later, Rita enters the living room, and is horrified by what she hears.]
Twins: "♫ ...ribbit, ribbit. The little froggy goes, ribbit, ribbit." [the twins are singing and dancing to an old music video.] "The little froggy goes, ribbit, ribbit. The little froggy goes, ribbit, ribbit. The little froggy goes... ♫"
Rita: [Horrified] "Ah! Oh-no! No! Not the little froggy song! I thought we were done with that years ago."
Lynn Sr.: [Wearing earmuffs, grabs his wife.] "Don't let it get in your head, it'll haunt your dreams."
[Puts pillows over Rita's ears. Just then, Lily walks in, chewing a toilet paper roll.]
Rita: "Uh-oh, looks like somebody found her old toilet paper roll."
[Lily continues chewing on it.]
Lynn Sr.: "Now Ms. Lily, we know you don't need that anymore, you have plenty of real toys to play with." [Lynn Sr. tries to take it, but Lily bites it like a dog.] "Okay, okay, okay, backing off."
[In the dining room.]
Fashion Game: "Fashion emergency! Fashion emergency!"
Leni: [Dressed as a doctor.] "Dr. Leni's on it." [Puts a stethoscope on the game, it beeps, and Leni gasps.] "O, M, gosh, a striped shirt with polka-dot leggings? That is a fashion emergency, don't worry, you're in good hands."
[Leni swaps out the polka-dots for unpatterned.]
Fashion Game: "Whoo! Fashion emergency averted."
Leni: "Yay!"
[Rita and Lynn Sr. just watch.]
Lisa: "Well, at least Lisa isn't clinging to her old things." [She's on the other side of the dining room table.] "She just got that microscope."
Lynn Sr.: [Seeing what Lisa's seeing] "Awe, look at those little cuties. Whatcha studying Lis?"
Lisa: "My very first infant fecal sample."
[Her parents are revolted.]
Rita: "We had no idea you kept those."
Lisa: "Oh yes, I have thousands up there."
[In the attic, there are bags full of poop.]
Lynn Sr.: "This whole time I thought that smell was the raccoons."
Luan: [Upstairs] "Introducing the Mick and Bunny, variety hour!"
[In their room, Luan and Luna are doing a show with their old puppets, in their old cardboard theatre.]
Mr. Snuggles: "Hey, you're Mick Swagger. Wanna hear a joke?"
Mick Swagger Puppet: "Hit me mate."
Mr. Snuggles: "What do you call a cow, who plays the guitar? A moosician."
[They laugh]
Mick Swagger Puppet: "That's pretty brilliant, too bad your mom and dad don't agree."
[The girls come out from behind their theatre, their parents are at the door.]
Rita: "Ah, come on girls, you barely fit in that thing."
Mick Swagger Puppet: "What was that, Love? You want us to sing? Let me grab me axe."
[Luna tries to crawl through the hole under the theatre to get her guitar, but her head gets stuck.]
Luan: "Here, let me try."
[Luan tries but gets stuck just the same. Rita and Lynn Sr. grow exasperated, and suddenly they hear a bike horn.]
Lincoln: [Wearing a propeller Bernie, bib, and a tiny shirt and riding a tricycle.] "Watch out! Number one baby boy coming through!"
[Lincoln stops his joyride, and puts his binky in his mouth.]
Lynn Sr.: [Trying to talk some sense into the kid.] "Lincoln! That shirt is way too small for you! And that tricycle is falling apart!"
Lincoln: "What? No way, the handlebars are a little loose, but she still drives like a dream." [Points at the bib] "And look, here's the stain from my very first Flippee." [Samples it]
Rita: "Alright! I think we've seen enough. Everyone downstairs!" [Everyone is gathered downstairs, Luna and Luan still stuck in their theatre.] "Okay, we get it, you guys really don't wanna give up your stuff."
Lynn Sr.: "So, you win, you can keep it all."
[The kids cheer.]
Rita: "But, we do have some terms, if you ever want something new, you have to get rid of something old, a one for one."
[The kids agree.]


[At Gus' Games & Grub, Lincoln is playing a ring tossing game, and Lola is watching, he gets three ringers.]
Lincoln: "Bingo."
Lola: "Come on, Linky, we almost have enough tickets." [Threateningly] "Don't choke."
[Lincoln gets the last ring on, they cheer.]
Game Booth Attendant: [Deadpan] "Wow, that's a lot of karats, okay champs, pick your prizes."
[Leads them over to the prize table, they gasp and follow, slapping each other.]
Lincoln & Lola: [Seeing the prizes they want] "Ooh, ooh, that one."
[The game attendant looks at an Ace Savvy and a ragdoll. He gives them to Lincoln and Lola and they squeal and hug them.]
Lincoln: [Realizes something] "Wait, where are we going to put these?"
Lola: "Um, duh, Princess Ladybell will be sleeping in my bed." [Kisses her]
Lincoln: "But, Mom and Dad said we can't get any new stuff without getting rid of something old."
Lola: [Thinks, gasps, and snickers.] "Well, who says they have to know about it? All we gotta do is find a good hiding spot." [They both like the idea. Later, Lincoln puts his Ace Savvy in the TV cabinet.] "Ssh, gotta promise me that you'll be quiet under there." [Hugs her doll and stuffs her under the couch, followed by a book.] "Here's some reading material in case you get bored."


[At the Royal Woods Mall, Lori and Lily, who is still chewing on her toilet paper roll, are sitting and waiting.]
Lori: [Scoffs] "Where is Leni? She got out of work like, fifteen minutes ago."
[Lily shrugs and continues chewing. Lori video calls Leni, who is in a boutique.]
Leni: "The owner of this boutique said everything must go, so I'm buying as much as I can to help him out."
Lori: "Leni, no, it doesn't mean you have to-
Leni: "Be out soon!"
[Hangs up. Lori sighs, and Lily gasps, she sees a rainbow wig in a store window.]
Lori: "No, Lily, you definitely don't need that." [Lily starts whimpering, Lori starts to feel. Outside, Lily is rocking her new wig as the three of them approach Vanzilla.] "Guys, you heard Mom and Dad, we shouldn't be getting any more stuff."
[Leni and Lily feel guilty about getting new stuff until Lori opens the van and a new set of golf clubs falls out, they all gasp.]
Leni: "Wait, are those new clubs?"
Lori: [Picking them up] "Well," [Laughs] "Carol gave me her old ones." [Tosses them into the van.] "So, you know, it's different. Okay?" [Lori blushes, her sisters look at each other, and then back at her.] "Well, obviously we can't let Mom and Dad see this new stuff, So we'll just have to find a good hiding spot."
[They think about it. Back at the house, Lily enters the front door, looks around, and signals her sisters that the coast is clear. Leni and Lori hurry Lori's new clubs in and stuff them inside the air vent.]


[At the Royal Woods Cemetery, Lucy digs up a goat skull and Lana finds an old burrito in the garbage.]
Lana: "Yeah!" [Laughs]
[Suddenly the sisters remember their parent's terms. Back at the house, Lucy hides her skull in the house plant, and Lana kisses her burrito and hides it under the rug, it soaks through. In the backyard, Lisa looks around to make sure no one's watching and puts on a rubber glove.]
Lisa: "Ah, a fresh sample for my studies. Thank you, Charles." [Lisa encases Charles feces in a plastic bag, Charles groans at her.] "Shh."
[Lisa slides away and later, puts her new sample in the lamp. In the streets, Luna and Luan are out for a stroll and come across something.]
Flip: [Raiding a pile of free stuff.] "I don't know what these are, but if they're free their Flip's."
[Flip walks away with a box of stuff. Among the free stuff is a Mick Swagger pinball machine and a chicken-feathered boa. Later, Luna is pushing the pinball machine home while Luan stands on it, rocking her new boa. Back at the house, they are shoving their new stuff in the chimney, and cough as soot falls on them, they clean it off.]
Luan: "Well, it might be a tight squeeze for Santa next Christmas, but we did it."
Lori: [Sighs] "We are literally at max capacity guys. No more new stuff."
[Suddenly there's a clanging outside.]
Lincoln: "What was that?"
[Outside, Lynn is pushing a set of tackling dummies up to their house.]
Lynn: "Awesome, right? Coach was giving these babies away for free."
Lori: "Okay, now we are literally literally at max capacity."


[Later that night, the family are watching 'The Dream Boat'.]
TV Announcer: "This season, on 'The Dream Boat', Captain Debbie is seeing triple." [A trio of triplets in onboard.] "Meet Dylan, Dawson, and Dirk."
[The family is very excited when suddenly Charles smells something and approaches the lamp.]
Lisa: [Notices] "Charles, no."
[Charles pulls the lamp down and Lisa's new sample lands on Rita's face. The lamp knocks the vent open, releasing Lori's new clubs, which knock into the fireplace releasing a bunch of other new stuff. More new stuff follows after that, and finally Lynn's new tackling dummies.]
Lynn Sr.: "What in the ding-dang heck is going on here?"
Lincoln: "Sorry, Mom and Dad. We broke your rule and got a bunch of new stuff."
Rita: "Clearly."
Lincoln: "But we couldn't bring ourselves to get rid of any of our old stuff, so we've been hiding things."
Lynn Sr.: "This is very disappointing, we made a deal."
Lori: "We know, and you were right. In a house with thirteen people, there's no room for old stuff we don't actually use."
Luan: "Yeah, we promise we'll start giving it away."
Lana: "But can I keep my burrito? Please? I already named him. Bert."
[Rita and Lynn Sr. look at each other.]


[The next day, people are at the Loud house, looking through the Loud's old stuff.]
Lana: "Free stuff!"
Lola: "Come and get it!"
[Lynn is giving a little girl a boost playing with her old basketball hoop.]
Lynn: "That's when you shout your catchphrase. Mine's Lynnsanity. I'm sure you'll think of a good one, too."
Lucy: [Giving her old shovel to a young goth boy.] "Unhappy grave digging to you."
Luna: [Giving her Mick Swagger puppet to a little girl.] "Rock on, little dude."
[They throw up the goats. Rita and Lynn Sr. come out.]
Rita: [Amazed] "Wow, you guys have cleared out a lot."
Lynn Sr.: "Yay! Way to go, kiddos."
[Luan is giving their old theatre to a young boy.]
Young Boy: "I can't wait to put on a puppet show for my grandpa."
Mr. Snuggles: "Hey, don't forget the star of the show."
[Luan puts Mr. Snuggles in the boy's wagon and he goes.]
Luan: "You guys were right, it feels really good to give our stuff to kids who will actually use it."
Luna: "Ah, and guess what Pops. We found that VHS tape you were looking for."
[Lynn Sr. gasps and takes it.]
Lisa: "Yeah, it was under my fecal slides."
[Lynn Sr. is slightly disgusted by this.]
Lynn Sr.: "I should call Kotaro, give him the good news." [Makes the call] "K-Dog! Better start polishing that cowbell, cause Cowbella Friendiversary night is back on!"
[The parents go back inside. Behind the kids, Flip is sucking Lincoln's old pacifier, wearing Lincoln's old bib and propeller beanie, and Leni's old sunglasses.]
Flip: "Hey, what do you think? I've been trying to update my look."
[A raccoon comes out of Flip's backpack, wearing Lincoln's old shirt.]
Leni: [Gasps] "Love it, just one more thing."
[Puts a pair of sunglasses on the raccoon, the raccoon enjoys it.]
Flip: "Ooh, thanks kids, I made out like a bandit here." [Gets on Lincoln's old tricycle and honks the horn.] "Yeah, number one baby boy!" [Rides away]
Lincoln: "See? Flip gets it."
[Lincoln's sisters have nothing to say.]

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