The following is a transcript for the episode "Sales Forced."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The episode begins with Lisa analyzing microorganisms under a microscope with her classmates around her. Miss Allegra approaches them.] Miss Allegra: "Okay science club, listen up. For our next order of business, we will be holding a fundraiser to buy a telescope!" [Everyone replies with awe.] Lisa: "Yes!" Miss Allegra: "Not that I don't appreciate the one the art club donated for us." [It shows a decrepit, cardboard telescope. The eyepiece falls off.] "Ahem. Each of you you receive a wagon full of scented candles..." [She rolls over said wagon] "...to raise money for the Galacta-tron 3000!" Lisa:[gasps] "A Galacta-tron 3000?! Wunderkids Weekly says it can see three million light years away!" [She reveals a catalog advertising it.] Students: "Oooh!" Miss Allegra: "But keep in mind..." [takes the catalog] "We can only afford it if every student sells all of the candles in their wagon." Lisa:[takes a candle] "Well, I have never dabbled in the exchange of goods for currency, but how difficult could it be?"
[She knocks on someone's door, and the resident opens it. Lisa stands there and smiles with her wagon.] Lisa: "Greetings, cash-having citizen. May I interest you in buying scented candles?" [takes one] "They only cost--" [She is surprised at its price.] "$15?! It's just soy, paraffin, and vanilla extract." [snorts] "Seems a bit excessive, but, anyhoo, how many can I put you down for?" [The customer closes the door.]
[At the next house, Lisa rings the doorbell, and an elder lady answers.] Lisa: "Greetings. Would you like to buy some scented candles?" [Suddenly, eight cats pop out from behind the woman.] "With that many cats, I can only imagine the putrid odors plaguing your abode." [The woman and her cats get angry, and the closest one to Lisa hisses at her. Lisa grins sheepishly.]
[Third, Lisa is talking to a man at his door.] Lisa: "You'll take one cinnamon, one pine?" [The man nods.] "Splendid! Let me find those." [takes one and sniffs it] "Peach." [sniffs another] "Huh, warm linen." [sniffs a third] "New car." [sniffs another] "Hot apple pie." [The man glances at his watch.] "Tree bark." [Lisa sniffs a sixth candle.] "Salted onions..." [She suddenly feels sick.] "Sorry. The combination of scents is inducing nausea." [She runs to the man's bush and throws up into it, making the man go back inside in horror.]
[Back at her house, Todd is dressed in a lab coat and holding a petri dish.] Todd: "OH NO, YOU GOT FUNGUS IN MY BACTERIA CULTURE." [Lisa lies on the couch beside him.] Lisa: "Thanks Todd, but even a reenactment of the development of penicillin won't make me feel better today." [Todd throws away the dish and sits beside Lisa to comfort her.] Lincoln:[walks over] "What's wrong, Lisa? Did someone say espresso wrong again?" Lisa:[sighs] "Only you, but that's not the problem. The science club is having a fundraiser, and I'm letting everyone down because I can't convince anyone to buy a single candle." Lincoln: "Well, I happen to be a convincing expert." [He tears off his clothes, leaving him in only his underwear to Lisa's horror. Lisa cringes and Todd covers her eyes. Lincoln notices this and gets embarrassed, chuckling nervously as he covers himself.] "Sorry. I thought I had my convincing suit on under there. Anyway, I think I can convince a team of specialists to help." [dashes off]
[The scene transitions to a whiteboard reading "Loud School of Sales", and Lincoln--now wearing his convincing suit--underlines the title.] Lincoln: "Welcome to the Loud School of Sales." [The camera pans out, revealing Leni and Lola are helping as well. Lisa sits on the couch with a pen and notepad.] Lisa: "Hmm, interesting." Lincoln: "Leni, Lola, and I will teach you how to win over customers!" Leni: "Lesson One: Be approachable. At Reininger's, all employees greet customers with a smile and eye contact." Lisa: "Oh, pish-posh, that's ridicu--" [Leni demonstrates a warm, sparkly smile, and Lisa is stunned.] "I suddenly have a strange urge to hand you all my money." [She shakes her head and takes notes.] "Huh, that was impressive." Lola:[She shoves her older siblings away.] "Lesson Two: People are way more likely to buy from you if you shower them with compliments." [Lisa takes notes while Lola pulls herself onto the chair.] "And a person with your superb intellect should be able to do that with her eyes closed." [rubs Lisa's hair] "Also, loving that shag hairstyle. So chic, ha!" Lisa:[flattered] "Why, thank you." Lola: "So, can I have 20 bucks?" Lisa:[pulls out her wallet] "Of course. Anything for--" [Lola snatches the money away, and Lisa realizes her sister's motive.] "Oh, I see what you did there." [Lola bows, and Lisa takes more notes.] "Kudos." Lincoln:[He brings over a convincing suit.] "Finally, you'll need a convincing suit. Here's one of mine. It'll help you feel confident so you can nail any sale!" [He puts it on Lisa, but it's too big for her.] Leni:[runs over with a sewing needle and thread] "Mmm, after I take it in a little."
[At Chateau Royal Condos, Lisa rings on the Farrells' doorbell, with her convincing suit having been tailored to her size. She gets out her notepad and reviews her notes. Cheryl answers the door.] Cheryl: "Well, hi there, cookie crumb! What brings you all the way over here?" Lisa:[reviews her notes] "Okay, let's see: Start with a smile." [She places her notepad down and makes a forced smile at Cheryl.] Cheryl:[freaked out] "Ugh." Lisa:[reviews her notes] "Make eye contact." [She takes her notepad and activates her extendable soles to meet Cheryl at eye level. But her forced and bloodshot eye contact freaks her out even more.] Cheryl: "Ahh!" Lisa:[reviews her notes] "Use flattery, uh..." [forced; to Cheryl] "My, your hair is especially, uh, bulbous today." [forced smile] Cheryl:[offended] "Bulbous?" Lisa: "I'm sure after all that charm I just dazzled you with, you're feeling convinced to buy some scented candles, right?" [She takes a step, and her sole gets caught on the wagon's handle. She trips and falls offscreen, then she is flung into the ceiling above the apartment door. Lisa continues bouncing around uncontrollably, shaking the building. She finally stops, having made a mess of the hallway. A chandelier falls to the ground, and Lisa pops up, spitting out a candle.] "Ahem, so where were we?" [Cheryl, having had enough, runs into her apartment.] "Ugh, how can someone with a brain like mine not be able to sell candles?" [realizes] "That's it: My brain!"
[Inside her room, Todd is putting a modified strainer on Lisa's head, which is wired to her computer.] Lisa: "With my Brain Lobe Enlargement Helmet, or B.L.E.H., we can locate the exact section of the brain responsible for salesmanship and enlarge it." [Todd turns on the computer, and a model of Lisa's brain appears on its screen.] "Alright Todd, engage." [A bell dings] "Oh! I feel like a salesperson already!" Todd:[opens his speaker] "ACTUALLY, THAT WAS ME. MY TOASTER PASTRY IS READY." [He takes it out, but Lisa is unamused.] "ENGAGING THE B.L.E.H. NOW." [He scans the different lobes of Lisa's brain.] "ASTROPHYSICS. MULTIVARIABLE CALCULUS. DENTAL HYGIENE. A-HA, SALESMANSHIP." [This is the smallest lobe inside Lisa's brain.] Lisa:[gasps] "That's it! Okay Todd, press Command, Shift, Plus." [Todd presses the keyboard shortcut, and the light bulb on top of the B.L.E.H. lights up. In response, the salesmanship lobe grows.] "Press it again!" [Todd obliges, and the lobe grows bigger.] "And again! And again, and again!" [Todd repeatedly repeats the command.] "Keep going!" [The salesmanship lobe grows so big that it takes up all of Lisa's brain, and her window glows from outside. Once the glow fades, the expansion is complete and the computer is smoking.] Todd:[removes the helmet] "HOW DO YOU FEEL, LISA?" Lisa: "Hoo-hoo, I feel ready to make some sales!" [She leaps into the air and transforms into Sales Lisa against a green background with dollar signs. Her hair becomes smoother, and she grins as it sparkles.] "By the way, Todd, are those new wires, because they are working for ya!" [She jumps down while Todd looks himself over.] "May I interest you in a candle?" [reveals her wagon] Todd: "I CANNOT SMELL, BUT I WILL TAKE FIVE."
[At the cemetery, the Morticians Club holds a seance when Sales Lisa approaches them.] Lisa: "Hey, hey, you gorgeous goths. You know, nothing conjures the dead like the smell of fresh lavender." [She grabs a candle and tosses it.] "Light one of these babies, and you'll have the whole underworld lining up to possess you." [The Morticians Club grab money from their pockets and hold it out to Sales Lisa, who grins. Next, Sales Lisa is at Hunnicut Farm, advertising to Liam, Mimi, and Virginia.] Lisa: "Trust me, with this kiss from a rose candle, you can turn this place from pigsty to hog heaven!" [Virginia smells the candle and squeals in excitement.] Liam: "Virginia, pay the nice lady!" [Virginia hands Sales Lisa money covered in mud, and she takes it.] [Sales Lisa goes back to the houses of her previous customers and manages to sell them the scented candles.]
[At home, Sales Lisa is combing her hair.] Lisa: "You should've seen me out there, Todd! I am a sales machine. I dropped the cash off at school so the club can get their telescope." Todd: "HOORAY."[grabs the B.L.E.H.] "TIME TO GET YOUR BRAIN BACK TO NORMAL." Lisa: "Uh, no-no-no, let's not be hasty. Selling is the ultimate hoot! My serotonin levels are through the proverbial roof! Let's keep this party going! Sell, sell, sell!" [leaves] Todd:[concerned] "I DO NOT LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING. I NEED A PASTRY, PRONTO." [He presses a button, and his speaker opens, revealing a pastry.]
LATER THAT DAY... [Sales Lisa has hung a sign on the side of the house reading "Loud House Estate Sale", and she is selling all her siblings' belongings and the furniture to random people. Flip is shown with a pair of Blarney footsie pajamas.] Lisa: "Boy, how good would that look on a raccoon?" Flip: "Ooh. Eh, Nacho has been in the market for a good cotton onesie for a while." [He pays Sales Lisa and takes it.] Lisa: "Come back soon." [She sees an old man looking at a picture of an alien farmer.] "My guy, has anyone ever told you that you have the build of a power athlete?" [The old man shakes his head, and Sales Lisa directs him to Lynn's barbell.] "A little time with this barbell and I think we might be looking at the future Mr. Senior Universe." [The man groans as he makes muscles, then he pays Sales Lisa and walks off to it.] Lynn: "What are you doing selling my barbell?! I need it for my deadlift seshes!" Lisa: "Ah-ah, no you don't. A force of nature like you needs something that makes you really engage your glutes!" [slaps Lynn's butt] "Like, uh, Flip's tow truck!" [Lynn glances at the tow truck as the man leaves with her barbell.] "Just strap it to yourself and pull for the best workout of your life! And it's yours for just five dollars." Lynn:[grabs $5] "Deal!" [Sales Lisa takes the money and leaves the garage.] Lisa: "Uh, let's see. What's next, what's next? Uh..." [She notices the house and gasps.] "Bingo!" [grins deviously]
[Sales Lisa is hammering a "For Sale" sign outside the house. Todd hurries over in shock.] Todd: "LISA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Lisa: "Why, selling the house, of course. It's a complete gut job. The wear and tear of eleven kids is no joke. But, uh, some ding-dong will buy it." Todd: "LISA, YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR." [He extends the B.L.E.H. from his body over Sales Lisa's head.] "IT IS TIME TO GO BACK TO NORMAL." [He drops it on her head, but Sales Lisa tosses it aside and growls at Todd in anger.] "UH-OH."
[Sales Lisa is holding a stack of money, showing that she sold Todd in retaliation for his trying to stop her.] Lisa: "You got yourselves a real bargain." [Todd is tied to the back of a car.] "Enjoy your new robot assistant, complete with toaster oven." [The car starts up and drives away.] Todd: "EVEN THOUGH YOU SOLD ME, YOU ARE STILL MY BEST FRIEND..." [As Todd's voice echoes, Sales Lisa sudden realizes what she just did, and her hair goes back to being shaggy.] Lisa:[gasps] "Wait a minute. I sold Todd?! Why would I do that?" [Suddenly, she shakes her head and her persona changes back to Sales Lisa.] Sales Lisa: "Well, we did what had to be done. We're better off without him." Lisa: "But...Todd is my friend." Sales Lisa: "Yeah, a friend that was getting in the way of a sales train." [Normal Lisa suddenly notices the B.L.E.H. and runs over to it, but her Sales Lisa persona stops her.] Sales Lisa: "I command you to cease!" Lisa: "Oh, no you don't!" [Lisa gets into a fight cloud brawl by herself as Charles, Walt, Cliff, and Geo watch her.] Sales Lisa: "Agh! You are mucking my sales!" Lisa: "Unhand me, you fiend!" [The pets get confused and leave as Lisa continues fighting with herself, landing by the B.L.E.H.. She reaches for it, but she grabs herself and pulls her tie.] Lisa: "Agh, Sales Lisa is too strong!" [She throws herself across the yard, and then Sales Lisa glares at "her".] Sales Lisa: "Why are you fighting me? I'm gonna make us rich! With my skills, I can sell anything to anyone! Lisa:[gets an idea] "Eureka! You know, uh, Sales Lisa, I'm not so sure you can sell to anyone." Sales Lisa:[stands up] "Of course I can!" Lisa: "Bet you can't sell that silly brain helmet to me." Sales Lisa:[notices the B.L.E.H.] "Oh, pshaw, easy money." [She picks it up.] "Behold, the B.L.E.H.! It has a dazzling silver finish and is lightweight, making it the perfect accessory for the genius gal on the go!" Lisa: "I don't know. It looks complicated. Maybe if you demonstrate it for me?" Sales Lisa: "Of course." [puts it on] "It's very user-friendly. You just have to--" [realizes] "Wait a second..." Lisa:[laughs] "Too late! So long, Sales Lisa!" [She lowers the salesmanship lobe back to normal and confirms the process. The B.L.E.H. lights up and begins working.] Sales Lisa: "No, no, no! I have so much left to sell!" [In a flash, the B.L.E.H. returns Lisa to normal.] Lisa:[relieved] "Oh, phew. Now there's just one more thing I need to do."
[After having reacquired Todd, Lisa shows him a basket of pastries.] Lisa: "Ta-dah! All the toaster pastries you could ever want." [hands him the basket] Todd: "AWW, THANK YOU, LISA." [She hugs him.] Lisa: "I'm sorry for getting so out of control. It's great to be back to myself again." [She suddenly gets a notification on her computer and goes to read it.] "Huh, since the last fundraiser was such a success, the science club wants to have another one to buy stain-proof lab coats. Okay, we'll each need to sell a wagon full of--" [Todd, knowing where this is going, blasts Lisa's computer with his laser, disintegrating it. Lisa's glasses fall onto her face in confusion.] Todd: "SORRY. I MAY HAVE OVERREACTED." [The episode ends.]
