The following is a transcript for the episode "Sister Act".
[In her room, Lola is giving a lecture.]
Lola: "Applying ribbon glitter requires intense concentration," [revealed to be talking to her stuffed animals.] "I'm gonna need you to all silence your phones." [Suddenly, a bunch of tin cans knock the glitter onto the table.] "Lana!"
Lana: [On a pile of tin cans.] "Oh, sorry Lols, I'm just trying to get organized for the town recycling challenge," [shows Lola the flyer.] "first place gets free ice cream at Auntie Pam's parlor. But, no more noise, I promise."
Lola: "Thank you, I have a lot to prepare for."
[Picks up the glitter jar, when their father calls from downstairs.]
Lynn Sr.: "Kids! Dinner's ready, make a dash, dishin' out, leftover hash."
Lana: [Excited] "Oh yeah, wonder what's in it this time. Let's see, we had liver and onions Monday, squid with sauerkraut Tuesday, lima beans-"
[Lola retches, she uses her blowdryer to clean up the glitter, but misses the trashcan, and accidentally blows it all into her twin's face. Lana coughs it up.]
Lola: "Whoops, sorry Lans."
[The two look in the mirror.]
Lana: [Annoyed] "Ah, all this glitter and now I look like you."
Lola: [Laughs] "You do look like me, which you know, bonus for you." [Gets an idea] "Wait a minute Lana, that gives me a brilliant idea."
[Later, everyone except Lola is in the dining room, Lana finishes and takes out a rating card.]
Lana: "Okay, leftover hash, let's see; A-plus for presentation, A-plus for smell, and A-plus-plus for texture, delicate, but chinky."
Lynn Sr.: "Wow, thanks kiddo."
Lana: "Gee, I can't imagine what's keeping Lola, let me go check."
[Lana runs upstairs to their room and runs behind Lola's screen, Lola joins her with one of her dresses. Lana runs back downstairs dressed as Lola.]
Rita: [Thinking it's the real Lola.] "How was your day sweetie?"
Lana: [As Lola] "Oh, um, you know, uh, pageants, and uh, glitter, and um, crowns, probably."
Lynn Sr.: "Ha, just another day in the life of Lola." [Gives her the hash.] "Here you go." [Lana excitedly shoves the bowl in her face, but then remembers that she's supposed to be Lola, and proceeds to eat with a spoon, pinky out, and uses a napkin. Later, she gives her dad the rating card.] "Wow, a clean plate and an A-plus for texture? Last time I served leftover hash you ate the rating card and told me it tasted better. You feeling okay?"
Lana: [Still as Lola] "Oh, um, uh, I meant F." [Eats the rating card]
Lynn Sr.: "Yup, that's my Lola."
[Back in their room, Lana tosses Lola's tiara on the ground and takes off the dress.]
Lana: "Lols, that worked awesome, no one suspected anything." [Belches up the rating card.]
Lola: "Well, if I can ever return the favor, just let me-"
Rita: [Outside the room] "Lola, Lana, it's bath night. I"ll be inspecting fingernails, and ears."
Lana: "It's favor time."
[Later, Rita is waiting outside the bathroom.]
Rita: "Nail inspection, Lola, come on out." [Lola comes out and shows Rita her nails.] "Good job as always sweetie. Go tell Lana it's her turn please."
Lola: [Heads off] "Of course Mommy."
[Lola goes to their room and goes behind the screen, Lana joins her with one of her coveralls. Lola runs to the door dressed as Lana when...]
Lana: "Lola." [Tosses mud in Lola's face.] "Sorry, gotta make it believable."
[Lola goes to the bathroom.]
Lola: [As Lana] "Sup Mom, ready for my bath."
Lana: [Offscreen] "Lola."
Lola: "I mean... Do I gotta? I like all this mud, and filth and grime."
Rita: "Bath." [Fourteen minutes later, Lola comes out.] "Wow, Lana you're sparkling."
Lola: [Still as Lana] "You know it." [Realizes] "I mean, uh, don't get used to it, I got plans to hang out with some... worms... later."
[Lola hurries back into their room, where the real Lana approaches her.]
Lana: "This plan was genius Lols."
Lola: "I'd say it's nothing, but we both know modesty doesn't suit me."
Lana: "I was thinking... Why stop now? We can switch places whenever we want."
Lola: [Gasps and takes Lana's hands.] "We'd never have to do the things we don't like ever again."
[The twins are excited about the idea.]
[At school the next day, Lana is swinging on the rope in gym, while Lola sits on the bleachers filing her nails. The coach walks up to her.]
Coach Pacowski: "Get changed Princess, the rope is waiting."
Lola: "And it will continue to do so Coach P."
Coach Pacowski: "This is thirty percent of your grade kid."
Lola: "Uh." [Looks at Lana, still swinging, and smiles.] "I mean right away Coach."
[Lana jumps down, and Lola clears her throat.]
Lana: "Uh, I gotta pee Coach, uh, P."
[Takes Lola away.]
Lola: "So do I."
[Later, Lana comes out of the changing room with her Lola face on.]
Lana: "Okay everyone, move it! Royalty comin' through." [Lana goes to the rope, and the real Lola watches from the changing room.] "If this damages my nails, you will be hearing from my attorney. Alley-oop!"
[Flies up the rope, rings the bell, and flies back down.]
Coach Pacowski: [Amazed] "Wow, Lola, I've never seen that kinda hustle from you before."
Lana: [Tries to think of an excuse.] "Oh, right, um, I'm in training for a Miss... Survivalist pageant."
[Hurries back to the changing room.]
[Later, they are sitting in the back of their math class.]
Lana: [Lifts up the desktop, and whispers to Lola.] "Ah, crud, I know Ms. Allegra's gonna call me to the board and I'm gonna beef it."
Lola: [Lifts up the desktop] "No you won't, I got this." [To Ms. Allegra] "Ms. Allegra, may I please use the little ladies' room?"
Ms. Allegra: "Of course."
[Lola winks at Lana and goes off.]
Lana: "Actually, I need to go too, must be a twinsie bladder thing."
[Laughs and follows Lola. Later, they return dressed as each other.]
Lola & Lana: "We're back."
Ms. Allegra: "Fantastic. Lana, why don't you come to the board and solve this problem, hmm?
Lola: [As Lana] "There's nothing I'd enjoy more, except maybe gross stuff, like eating boogers." [Goes to the board] "Marker please."
[Ms. Allegra gives the marker to what she thinks is the real Lana. Lola solves the equation and Ms. Allegra applauds.]
Ms. Allegra: "Well done, Lana."
Lola: "Oh, thank you." [Curtsies]
Ms. Allegra: [Noticing] "Oh, a curtsy? If I didn't know better, I'd think you were Lola." [Lola looks at Lana and gasps, Lana does the same with her real voice, and Lola gasps again, also with her real voice. She nervously looks at Ms. Allegra, puts the marker down, and armpit farts.] "Haha, Lana, you're so gross."
[Lola sighs with relief, followed by Lana.]
[When the day is over, Rita pulls up to pick the twins up.]
Rita: "How was school today guys?"
Lana: "Best day ever."
Rita: "Well I hope this won't pull a damper on it, but Lola you've got a check-up with Dr. Peterson, and Lana you're scheduled for a teeth-cleaning with Dr. Feinstein."
Lola: "Agh! I hate being around all those sick people! Plus, Dr. Peterson's office smells like old cheese."
Lana: "And I don't wanna see Dr. Feinstein, drills are for engine mounts and lugnuts, not teeth."
[The twins realize something and look at each other. Lola dumps out her backpack.]
Lola: "Oopsie, I seem to have spilled my bookbag, Lana would be so kind as to join me on the floor and help me retrieve my things?"
Lana: [Slightly irate] "Get it yourself-" [Remembers] "Oh, uh, it would be my pleasure."
[The twins slip onto the floor, out of Rita's sight. Rita adjusts the mirror and sees the twins, snickering.]
Rita: [Not knowing that they've switched.] "Okey-dokey, let's get these appointments over with."
[They drive off.]
[The next day, Lola is practicing her ribbon dance, when she gets interrupted.]
Lana: "Yeah! Great news Lols, Mayor Davis just called, I won the recycling challenge. Free ice cream, here I come." [Runs into the room, cheering for herself, but suddenly...] "Ow." [Clutches her jaw]
Lola: "Let's see." [Lana opens her mouth and Lola checks.] "Okay, I don't really see-" [Gasps when she sees a rotting tooth.] "Ew! It's so gross! And looks really painful too."
[Suddenly, she sneezes right into Lana's mouth, knocking her over.]
Lana: [Gets up] "Uh, gesundheit. You getting sick?"
Lola: [With a stuffy nose] "No, being sick is not allowed, my ribbon dance recital is today, and I've invested far too much glitter."
Lana: "Well, have fun- Ow!" [Clutches her jaw again and falls over.]
Lola: "Thanks, you choo!" [Sneezes again and also falls over, the twins look at each other.]
[At the recital, Lola is still groggy, and puts some powder on her face.]
Lynn Sr.: [Singing] "Lola." [Lola turns around and sniffles.] "There's my ribbon dancin' champ. You ready to dazzle those judges?" [Lola is about to speak but has to hold back a sneeze. She gives a thumbs up.] "Ooh, that's the look of a killer, break a leg, honey."
[Lola gives a thumbs up but then blows snot all over the mirror. During the recital, the other kids perform well, Lola tries but sneezes again, so big that she knocks everyone over, she sneezes again, all over the judges' clipboards and her dad's face.]
[At Auntie Pam's Parlor, Lana is super excited.]
Lana: "Ooh, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream."
Auntie Pam: "Well, hello sweetie, congrats on winning the Royal Woods recycling challenge, your prize is one of my world-famous, Auntie Pam's Slams." [Brings out a wheelbarrow full of ice cream.] "All fifty flavors, with every topping you could ever dream of."
[Lana is awed by it and Auntie Pam gives her the spoon. Lana starts to eat it, but her tooth still hurts. She tries again and falls back in pain.]
Rita: "Is everything okay sweetheart?"
Lana: [Ice cream leaking out the gap in her teeth.] "Uh-huh, it's fantastic."
Auntie Pam: "Well then have some more you recycling champion, you."
[Dumps more ice cream on the pile. Lana gets nervous, she tries to take another scoop but can't take anymore.]
Lana: [Clutching her jaw] "I can't! I can't eat it!"
Rita: "What's wrong Lana?"
[Lana opens her mouth. Rita gasps, and Auntie Pam faints.]
[Back at the house, the twins are wrapped in blankets on the couch. Lynn Sr. offers Lola some hot soup, and Rita gives Lana an ice pack.]
Lynn Sr. & Rita: "Aww, here you go, my little angel."
[Lola drinks the soup, and Lana puts the ice pack on her jaw. Both are satisfied.]
Rita: "This is unacceptable. Lola just saw that doctor, how can she have a cold? And Lana just saw the dentist, how did he miss what is clearly an abscess?"
Lynn Sr.: [Mad] "You call Feinstein, and I'll call Peterson. Time to give those so-called medical professionals the what for."
[They take out their phones and the twins look at each other.]
Lola: "Wait!" [Sneezes] "Don't call anyone."
Lana: "This isn't their fault, this is on- Ow! us."
Lynn Sr.: "What do you mean?"
[The twins look down in guilt.]
Lana: "I didn't wanna go to the dentist."
Lola: "And I didn't wanna go to the doctor so we..."
Both Twins: "Kind of switched places."
[Lynn Sr. is shocked.]
Rita: [Suspicious and angry.] "Kind of?!"
Lola: "Kind of... totally? Actually we've been doing it for a couple of days now to get out of all sorts of stuff."
Lynn Sr.: [Now also angry] “Your mother and I are not happy that you've been lying."
Rita: "No, we're not. You're not babies anymore, and sometimes you have to do things you don't necessarily like or want to."
Lynn Sr.: "Like plucking nose hairs, or visiting Aunt Ruth." [Rita comes up to him with an annoyed look.] "Ah. But part of growing up is being responsible and doing those things."
Lola: "You're right."
Lana: "We're sorry."
Rita: "We'll schedule new appointments for you with Dr. Peterson and Dr. Feinsten, right away."
Lana: "Thanks. And don't worry, we'll definitely go as ourselves. I can't go back to Auntie Pam's until they see a dental x-ray, anyway."
Lola: "And I'm not allowed back on the ribbon dancing circuit until I produce a note from the Centers for Disease Control."
[Sneezes all over both her parents.]
[After they recover, Lola presents herself at dinner.]
Lola: "I brought my appetite today. Dazzle me." [Takes her seat]
Lynn Sr.: "You got it, honey. Tonight's dinner is leftover leftover hash."
Lola: [Revolted at first, sniffs.] "Boy oh boy, that squid and sauerkraut sure has gotten pungent." [Lynn Sr. is a little disappointed.] "No, no, don't worry, I got this." [She piles it in her mouth and eats quickly. She is amazed.] "Wow, the squid mixed with the liver and the lima beans, separately I was not a fan."
Lynn Sr.: "Yes, you made that clear."
Lola: "But together, it's actually delicious. Give me that rating card." [Lynn Sr. does so.] "A-plus, my compliments to the chef."
[Lynn Sr. cries as she gives him the card.]
Lynn Sr.: "This is going right on the fridge."
Lola: "Hmm, I wonder how Lana's bath is going."
Lana: [Upstairs] "Ah yeah!
[Lana comes out of the bathroom.]
Rita: "I take it you enjoyed your bath."
Lana: "Yeah, it's worth being clean, to see how brown the water got. But the best part is this!" [Holds out a dirty hairball.] "I found it in the drain. Can I keep him?"
Rita: [reluctantly] "Sure."
[Lana squeals in excitement, hitting Rita in the face with her new friend. Cuts to outside.]
Lana: "Lola, you gotta meet my new friend Harry!"
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