The following is a transcript for the episode "Sleepstakes."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Morning at the Loud house. There is a purple tube linking the mailbox to the roof above the dinner table. The mail woman arrives and sees it, she wonders about it and touches it turning a suction device on. She takes out the Loud's mail and puts it in, it gets sucked in, but the mailbox tries to take the mailwoman's hand next. The mail goes through the tube and into the house. Inside, the Loud's are completely unaware of the mail woman's situation, when the tube system emerges from the roof. It shoots a letter into Luan's cereal, Luna catches the next one. Lincoln gets a packet in his mouth. Then a cauldron crushes Lucy's cereal.] Lucy:[Delighted] "Gasp! My new cauldron." Lisa: "I see my new mail system is working swimmingly." [Suddenly the mailwoman's pants fly into Leni's face. Just then, Lana gets a very well-decorated letter. At first, she's very excited about it, but when she sees what it is she sighs despondently. Lana sees Lola looking at her and stuffs the letter into her hat.] Rita:[Saw that] "Lana what are you hiding? Is that another note from Principal Huggins about bathing more frequently?" Lana: "No, he gave up on that." [Takes her letter out] "It's an invitation to a sleepover my friend Kayla's having. But as all of you know, I'm really bad at sleepovers." Rita: "Oh, Honey, you're not bad at them you've just never made it through one." Lana: "I always get so homesick. Sleeping in someone else's house, on their pillows, smelling their smells." [Raises her arm] "I prefer my own smells." [Lana's mom and twin cringe at Lana's toxic armpit.] Lola:[Puts Lana's arm down] "We don't." Lana: "And what if I have a nightmare? It's just too much for me." Lynn Sr.: "But Lana, don't you want to go to Kayla's? You guys always have so much fun together." Lana: "Of course, I want to go, my other friends, Kristen and Ashley are going to be there too. But I'm hopeless, I won't last thirty minutes." Lincoln: "Maybe we can help you. We all have experience with sleepovers. Maybe we can show you some tricks that will get you over the homesickness." Lucy: "Good idea, Lincoln. We could have a few practice runs and work up to the big night." Lola: "I'm in." Lisa: "I'll assist as well." Lana: "Okay, I'll do it."
[That night, Lincoln, Lana and Lisa have a tent and sleeping bags set up in the backyard.] Lincoln: "Okay, we're all set up for practice sleepover number one. We're gonna start you off slow. Merely ten feet from the house." Lisa: "And after this, we'll work up the farther distances from home." [Lana's getting anxious already] Lincoln: "I see you're getting nervous. I have an idea, whenever I'm homesick I take my mind off it by watching TV. We'll bring it out here." Lana: "But Lynn's got dibs on the TV, and said anyone who changes the channel gets a camel clutch." [Which is something Lynn Sr. is finding out the hard way.] Lynn Sr: "Okay, you can change it back. Change it back!" [Back outside...] Lincoln: "Well, we don't want to mess with that. Let's just make our own TV."
[Later, they have a cardboard TV set up, featuring Lola.] Lola: "On this channel, I'll be retelling the story of when I won Little Miss Sugarloaf. There I was, center stage, looking fabulous in a satin gown. And I…" Lana: "Boring! Click." [Clicks the cardboard remote. Lola scoffs and leaves as Lucy takes her place.] Lucy:[Holding a flashlight under her chin] "Welcome to The Haunted Hour. Poetry readings for the dead." Lana:[Cringes] "Click." [And now it's Lisa's turn.] Lisa: "This is Lisa Loud with the agricultural report. Corn has risen in price by eight percent." Lana: "Double click." Lisa: "Aren't you gonna pick a channel?" Lana: "Nope. This channel surfing is working. So far, no homesickness. Click, click, click." Lincoln: "Next up…" [dons his David Steele suit and scooches Lisa aside] "♫ David Steele. ♫" [Just then, Lola takes her spot back.] Lola: "Now, where was I?"
[Next, they are in Mr. Grouse's living room. Lana is shuddering.] Lincoln: "Lana, how are you doing on practice sleepover number two? We're a bit farther from home now." Lana: "Not good. I'm not loving it here." Mr. Grouse: "Well I'm not loving it either. I want my spare key back." [Lana whimpers.] Lisa: "Here, Lana, I made this for you. It's a specialized spray that smells exactly like our house." [A close-up of the spray is shown.] "I used the essence of Lynn's gym bag, Dad's cooking, Lola's perfume, Geo's hamster cage, et cetera, et cetera. It's to combat homesickness." Lana:[Takes a whiff] "Wow thanks, Lisa." [Starts spraying it wildly (which covers the entire screen), chasing her siblings and Mr. Grouse outside.] Lisa: "Ah, it's in my eyes!" Lola: "Ew, that's disgusting!" Lana: "Hey, it was just getting fun."
[Next, they are in the Sunset Canyon cafeteria.] Scoots: "I guess you could have a sleepover in our dining room but don't touch my pudding. I count the ounces so I'll know." [Drives away] Lisa: "Wow, Lana, you're progressing well with your training. You are now four-point-three miles away from home equal distance from our homestead to Kayla's." Lana:[Getting anxious] "How far?" Lucy: "Here Lana, hugging a pillow from home might comfort you it always works for me." [Gives Lana a pillow, Lana hugs it and sniffs it.] Lana: "Ugh. Why does it smell like an old casket?" [The pillow then disintegrates.] Lucy: "Oops, that's mine." [Takes out one with green slime] "Here's your pillow." Lana:[Hugs it] "Now we're talking. It even has some of Hop's slime. Thanks, Lucy, I feel better." Lincoln: "Well Lana, I think you're ready." Lana:[Takes out her phone] "Kayla, I'm just calling to say that I am definitely coming to your sleepover." [The person she's talking to answers] "Oh, sorry for waking you Kayla's dad."
[It's the night of the sleepover.] Kayla: "Okay, who's ready to get this sleepover started." [Lana's friends start dancing.] Ashley: "Definitely." Kristen: "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Lana:[Her anxiety kicking it] "Uh, who wants to watch TV." Kayla: "Oh, sorry, our TV is busted right now." [Points to the TV, which has a large dog-shaped hole right through it.] "Long story short my dog was watching the nature channel and they interviewed a squirrel." Lana: "Oh I saw that one too, the squirrel gave a great interview. I just need to get something out of my bag real quick." [Goes for her bag, but her spray is missing.] "Oh no, where's my spray?" [Hears growling, Kayla's dog has the spray. Lana tries to grab it, but it runs away. Just then a cooking timer goes off.] Kayla:[She, Kristen and Ashley run to the kitchen.] "Cookies are ready." [Lana panics and hides in the bathroom.]
[Back at the Loud House, Lynn Sr. and Rita go out for a date night. Leni, Lincoln and Lola wave them goodbye.] Leni: "Have a nice date." [Once their parents are out of sight the three grow devious smirks. Leni closes the door and all the siblings look devious.] Lisa: "Pillow fight!" [The siblings have their pillows and start their fight. Suddenly, Luan's phone goes off.] Luan: "Wait, time out. It's Lana." [Luan answers.] Lana: "Guys, help! I'm homesick, and my spray's gone, and the TV's busted." Lucy: "What about the pillow?" Lana: "Hop's slime isn't helping anymore. Maybe I need the real thing. Can someone please bring Hops, Izzy, El Diablo, Duncan and Bitey here?" Lola: "Definitely dibs not." Everyone except Lola & Leni: "Dibs not." Leni:[Who had a pillow in her mouth spits it out] "Fine, I'll go." Lana: "Thanks, Leni, and remember you can't let my friends see you." Leni: "But how am I supposed to get you your animals?"
[Later, at Kayla's, Vanzilla drives up. Leni sneaks out with a cage, tiptoes to the house, but falls into a hole. She climbs out, knocks on the bathroom window, and makes a birdcall. Lana opens up.] Lana:[Takes the cage] "Thanks, Leni." Leni:[Walks away] "No problem." [Falls in another hole] "I'm okay." Lana: "Oh, by the way, watch out for gopher holes." [Goes back in. Meanwhile, her friends are colouring.] "Hey, guys. What's up?" [Lana is in her sleeping bag.] Kayla: "Just colouring, wanna join?" [Notices] "Wait why are you in your sleeping bag already? [Lana's pets start fighting.] Ashley: "Yeah, and why is it moving around like that?" Lana: "Oh, I just got the leg jumps. I'm in here so I don't accidentally kick anyone in the face." [Looks inside] "Bad El Diablo, spit Bitey out." [To her friends] "I'll be right back." [Shuffles away. Her friends are growing a little confused.] Kayla: "Does anyone think Lana is acting weird?" [Back in the bathroom, Lana falls over and out of her sleeping bag. Her pets escape from it, climb out the window, and ride El Diablo home. Lana speed dials her siblings again.] Lana: "Guys, my pets aren't helping, I'm still homesick." Luna: "Well what else can we bring you, little sis?" Lana: "What about… one of Dad's Lynn-sagnas." Leni: "Sure, no problem, be right there." [Luna hangs up.] Lisa: "Correction there is a problem we have no Lynn-sagnas, and father is still out gallivanting with mother." Luan: "But, we don't want to bother them on their date." Lynn: "I got an idea."
[Back at Kayla's, Lana is pacing the bathroom floor, when Kayla knocks.] Kayla: "Lana, you okay? My parents said it's time to put on our PJs to go to sleep." Lana: "Oh no, this is always the hardest part." [To Kayla through the door] "No problem, Kayla, I'll be right out I'm just… uh… shaving." [Kayla's taken aback by this] "Where are they with the Lynn-sagna?"
[Meanwhile, Lynn and Lincoln are in a dark area.] Lincoln:[Whispers] "I don't think taking Grouse's frozen Lynn-sagna is a good idea." Lynn:[Doesn't whisper] "I do, he still has like fifteen from the last time we broke his window, he can spare one." [Suddenly the lights come on.] Mr. Grouse: "Burglars!" Lincoln:[Sees Mr. Grouse with a broom] "Mr. Grouse, it's just us." Mr. Grouse: "I know who it is!" [Lets out a battle cry and attacks just as Lincoln and Lynn escape] "Dang, Louds." [Runs into the door. Back at Kayla's...] Lincoln: "Here's your Lynn-sagna." [Lynn drops Lana the Lynn-sagna.] Lana: "Why is it frozen?" Lincoln: "It was the only one we could get in a pinch, sorry." [He and Lynn back out of the window. Lana tries to take the Lynn-sagna out of the tray, but it shatters. Suddenly there's another knock at the door.] Kayla: "Lana, come on we need to get in our PJs." [Lana panics and goes to her siblings (except Lily) in the window.] Lana: "Guys, maybe I just need to see mom for a minute, and then I'll feel better. Can you just go get her, please?" Leni:[Knowing where their mom is] "I'm sorry Lana but mom…" Lincoln: "Would be happy to come." Kayla:[Bangs on the door] "Lana, come on!" Lana: "Just need another minute." [Goes back inside] Lincoln: "Don't worry I've got an idea, and mom's bone structure." TWO MINUTES LATER [Lana is still in the bathroom.] Lincoln:[Mimicking Rita's voice; off-screen] "Hi, sweetie." [Lana goes to the window. Lincoln approaches wearing a trenchcoat and blond wig] "It's mommy, you're doing great." Lana:[Actually buying it] "Hi, Mom thanks for coming I love how you did your hair tonight." Lynn:[Who's shoulder's Lincoln is on] "Ah! Gopher hole!" [She and Lincoln fall, and Lana sees.] Lana: "What are you guys doing? Where's Mom?" Lincoln: "She's on a date with Dad, we thought we could make you feel better ourselves. Sorry, Lana." Lana: "It's okay. I guess it was nice of you to try and help me but, I'm ready to go home. Can you guys meet me out front? I gotta tell my friends the truth." [Lana's friends are giggling in their sleeping bags when their friend finally comes out of the bathroom] "Hey, guys." Kayla:[A little concerned about Lana] "Hey, Lana? Is everything okay? We saved you a spot." Lana: I'm sorry guys but I can't stay, I'm homesick, and I want to go home. I don't think I'll ever get better at sleepovers." Kayla: "It's okay, Lana, we understand." [The doorbell rings.] Lana: "That's my siblings, they're here to take me home." [She opens the door, but it's actually a pizza guy] "Huh? You're not my siblings?" Kayla:[Comes up with cash] "Nope, that's for us. Here you go." [Pays for and takes the pizza. The man leaves.] Lana: "You guys ordered pizza? But I thought you were going to bed." Ashley: "Oh no, no, no, no, we just told Kayla's mom and dad that. I mean every sleepover we stay up all night snacking, playing games." Kristen: "Making friendship bracelets, talking, watching movies." Lana:[Can't believe it] "What? I didn't know that." Kristen: "Well, that's because you never stuck around long enough." Kayla: "Yeah, the best part of a sleepover is not sleeping." [Lana has some time to think about all the fun she's about to miss when her siblings (except Lily) finally arrive.] Lisa: "Holy hydrogen, Kayla, your family has a real gopher hole problem. I just climbed out of a five-footer." Lynn: "Climbed? Yeah, no, I had to deadlift her." Lincoln: "Lana, are you ready to go home?" [The other sisters look at Lana, who looks at her sleeping bag.] Lana: "Actually, I wanna stay now." [throws her sleeping bag away] [Her siblings gasp.] Lola: "What?" Luan: "That's great! But what if you get homesick again?" Lana: "I won't have time to. I'll be too busy having fun with my friends all night. I don't even have to worry about nightmares because we won't be sleeping." Lisa:[Laughs] "Lana, that's wonderful. But before we go, here's some more spray, as a backup. Here, catch." [Lisa foolishly tosses the bottle of stink at Lana, who fumbles with it and drops it, releasing a very stinky situation for everyone.] Luna: "It's like wet garbage juice in the rain!" Lucy: "Gag. Ugh." [The end.]
