The following is a transcript for the episode "Snoop's On."
[Late afternoon in the Loud house, Lincoln is playing Muscle Fish, when Leni walks in front of the screen]
Leni: "Sorry, Lincoln."
[Lincoln shrugs it off and keeps playing]
Lincoln: "Come on."
Leni: [Passes the screen again] "Sorry, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "Um, can I help you, Leni?"
Leni: "I'm supposed to read a novel for English, but Lily's using them all to build a fort." [Upstairs, Lily is in fact doing so. Suddenly, Leni finds a little purple book with a guitar on it] "Ooh, found one. Also a green bagel."
Lana: [Suddenly appears] "I'll be taking that." [Pops it in her mouth and leaves]
Leni: [Takes a look in the book] "Cool, the main character's name Luna and she's got a sister named Luan and a brother named Lincoln."
Lincoln: [Confused] "Wait, what? Let me see that." [Looks in the book, and gasps realizing what it is, and holds it shut] "This isn't a book, it's a diary; Luna's diary. You can't read this."
Leni: "O, M, gosh, of course not, I'd never invade her privacy like that." [Attempts to put it back] "Though, I do kinda wonder what big secret she was referring to."
Lincoln: "Big secret?"
Leni: "Mmm-hmm." [Points to the part she saw] "...But I know I can never tell my fam my big secret, that I-"
[Before she can finish]
Luna: [Outside the door, rattling the knob, singing] "♫ Back from band practice, where'd I put my key? ♫"
[Lincoln and Leni freak out, Leni tosses Lincoln the diary, Lincoln tosses it back, Leni tosses it back]
Lincoln: "Scatter!" [Leni dives over the chair and Lincoln puts the diary back where they found it. Lincoln jumps back to his video game just as Luna innocently walks in, takes her diary, and goes upstairs walking past a series of photos of Leni, which includes the real Leni holding a frame over her nervous face. Lincoln sighs with relief when Luna's out of sight and Leni comes downstairs] "That was close."
Leni: "I know, can you imagine how upset Luna would be if she knew we read her diary."
Lincoln: "Well, technically you're the one who found it."
Leni: [Aghast] "Hey!"
Lincoln: "Okay, okay, so we both read it, but that was an accident, and as long as we don't read any more of it, we're good."
Leni: "No matter what big secret she's keeping from the whole family."
[They stand with commitment, but really the desire to know what is eating them]
[The next day, Luna leaves her room, with her guitar]
Luna: "Gonna go jam with Sam, be home soon!"
[She leaves, and Leni pops out of her room]
Leni: "Hey, guys! I'm just gathering clothes for the wash! Got anything?"
[Drags a very heavy hamper into Luna's bedroom]
Lincoln: [Pops out of the hamper and catches his breath] "Okay, we're in, let's find that diary."
[Suddenly the door is opened, by the other resident of the room]
Mr. Coconuts: "Freeze ya bozos!"
[Lincoln and Leni yelp and fall over]
Luan: [Suspicious] "What are you guys doing in here?"
[Mr. Coconuts flips the lights on]
Leni: "Um, uh, collecting laundry."
Mr. Coconuts: [Shines a desk lamp in Leni's face] "Laundry day was Tuesday! Spill it!"
Leni: "Okay! Fine! We were looking for Luna's diary, she wrote about a big secret and we have to find out what it is."
[The desk lamp is turned off, and Lincoln face palms about what Leni did]
Luan: "Guys, that is so wrong. I can't even joke about it."
Mr. Coconuts: "Ah, come on, Toots! Drop the saint routine, I know you're itching to find out what dear old sis is hiding, it's gotta be juicy if she's yackin' about it in a diary."
Luan: [Thinks] "Okay, fine, I'll help you guys look, I know all the good hiding places. Lincoln, try that desk drawer."
[Lincoln opens it and takes a spring-loaded boxing glove in the face]
Lincoln: [Upset about that prank] "Luan!"
Luan: [Laughs] "Sorry, I couldn't resist."
[She fist bumps Mr. Coconuts. Lincoln looks under the bed, Luan and Mr. Coconuts check the closet, Leni looks under Luan's mattress]
Leni: "Eee! I think I found it" [Shows the diary.] "Okay, okay, let me see where I left off... But I know I can never tell my fam my big secret, that I... skipped school last Friday to see a slasher flick at the mall."
[Lincoln and Luan gasp. Flashback to last Friday, with Luna's voice narrating the events, Luna opens the window]
Luna's voice: "Pre-calcs been a major snooze," [Luna sees that the security guard is asleep and jumps out] "so, Roxy had a great idea to ditch." [Luna ushers out another girl wearing dark clothes and the cycle away] "Breaking the rules was such a rush."
[Luna fistbumps Roxy and snickers as they leave. End of flashback]
Lincoln: "I can't believe this. Luna's been skipping school?"
Leni: [Jumps in] "And who's this Roxy girl? She sounds like a bad influence, we should go talk to Luna right now."
[Leni attempts to go, but Lincoln, Luan, and Mr. Coconuts jump her]
Luan: "We can't do that, then she'll know that we've been reading her diary."
Lincoln: "Which as we've agreed is wrong, but I guess Luna's doing isn't the end of the world, so let's put the diary back and pretend this never happened."
[They all agree.]
Mr. Coconuts: "Aw, you’re no fun!"
[Suddenly a pile of dirty gym clothes is dropped on them]
Lynn: "Hey, heard you're doing laundry, thanks." [A swarm of flies hang around Lynn's clothes] "Might wanna run these twice."
[The next day, Lincoln is playing a video game, when he notices Luna scratching inside her boot with a pencil. She notices him, puts the pencil away, and whistles. Lincoln goes back to his game, but Luna starts scratching even harder]
Lincoln: Um, everything okay, Luna?"
Luna: "Ah," [Notices Lincoln] "Yeah, must have gotten bit by a... uh... bug or something."
[Charles barks, and they look at him and Lana]
Lana: "Don't look at us, we just got our flea baths."
[Luna leaves and Lincoln grows suspicious. He goes upstairs, grabs Luna's diary, and hurries into his room]
Luna's voice: "Dear Diary, dude, I finally did it, I got a tattoo!"
[In a flashback, Luna is at a tattoo parlor, with a flaming rock skull on the leg she was just scratching. Roxy gives her a thumbs up and they laugh. Lincoln gasps and closes the diary. Later that night, Luan is sound asleep, and suddenly awoken by a creaking, she looks at the window and sees Luna sneaking back in]
Luan: "Oh!" [Covers her mouth]
Mr. Coconuts: [Wakes up] "Oh!"
[Luan closes his mouth and pretends to be asleep. Luna jumps onto her bed and Luan watches her write a new diary entry. The next morning, Luna groggily trudges to the bathroom, Luan and Mr. Coconuts look in the diary]
Luna's voice: "Tonight was killer, instead of studying for finals, I snuck out to this underground club with Roxy."
[Flashback to said club, Luna and Roxy rock out, back to back]
Luna: "Bring it, Dude!"
[Hank and Hawk stumble into the two girls, but they shove them away and continue rocking. Luan and Mr. Coconuts are horrified]
[The next morning, Lynn Sr. and Rita are working in the garden. Rita struggles with a bag of soil, but Luna helps her. Lincoln and Leni watching from her room]
Lincoln: "Pfft, look at her! Clearly putting on the goody-two-shoes act to throw off Mom and Dad."
Leni: "I don't know, maybe she's turning over a new leaf."
Luan: [Bursts in, frantic] "Guys! Luna's turning into a monster. Look at her latest diary entry!"
[Shows them a photo she took of it on her phone]
Lincoln: "It's a little blurry."
Luan: [Annoyed] "I only had five seconds. Luna and Roxy are planning a night of mayhem in Royal Woods."
[Flashforward to what they plan to do]
Luna's voice: "First, we fill the town fountain with nacho cheese. Then, we free all the goats from the petting zoo. Start some fight at the biker hangout. Then swipe the big letter R, from the sign on town hall."
[End of flashforward]
Mr. Coconuts: "Vandalizing a town landmark? Scandalous!"
Leni: "This night could run Luna's whole future, we have to tell Mom and Dad."
Luan: "BUt Luna's gonna hate us, for snitching, and for reading her diary."
Lincoln: [Thinks] "Hmm, you both make good points, Maybe there's a way to stop Luna without all of that messiness."
[They all think about it]
[Later that night, outside the house, Lincoln, wearing a ninja costume, peers around from behind the wall and gives a signal to move out. Luan and Leni, wearing similar outfits, come out with their bikes]
Lincoln: "Okay, so we know Luna's exact itinerary for tonight's mayhem, if we can stay one step ahead of her and Roxy, we can thwart all of their plans without Luna ever finding out we're on to her."
Mr. Coconuts: "Ay! How am I supposed to relieve myself in this thing? There's no zipper."
Lincoln: [Sighs] "I still don't know why Mr. C was crucial to the mission, but come on."
[Later, a wad of cash is placed on the counter at Flip's Food 'n' Fuel]
Lincoln: "Flip, my good man, I'd like to buy your nacho cheese, all of it." [Flip's pupils turn to dollar signs. The kids leave with a barrel of cheese] "Pretty smart, huh? this way there's no cheese left for Luna to our into the town fountain."
Leni: "Yay!" [Realizes something] "But, um, what do we do with it now? I didn't bring any chips."
Luan: "Let's just dump it."
Lincoln: "No! You never dump good cheese.
[Later, Lincoln has the barrel tied to the back of his bike, Luan and Leni riding behind him, getting hit with it]
Leni: [Blocking some with her hand] "Ah!" [Tastes] "Oh, yum, that's delish, you don't even need chips."
[Next, they are at the petting zoo]
Lincoln: "Okay, same idea with the goats, if there aren't any for Luna to set loose, she can't make trouble."
Leni: "I don't think we have enough bike helmets to take the goats with us."
Lincoln: "Actually, I was thinking we just relocate them to that barn." [Points to the adjacent barn. Lincoln opens the gate] "Okay little buddies, let's mosey o-"
[The goats trample him and start running all over the place. The kids chase after them]
Mr. Coconuts: "Hey! Slow down! My legs are made of wood!"
Leni: "Awe, come here you."
Lincoln: "Get back here!" [The goat Lincoln's chasing turns around and throws Lincoln into the mud. Lincoln makes a phone call to someone who is, at the moment, shearing a sheep] "Liam! I need some emergency-"
Liam: [Hears the bleating] "Goat herdin' tips?" [Laughs] "Sounds like you're in a heap of trouble. Just gotta find somethin' tasty to lure 'em in with." [Accidentally shears off his eyebrows and bangs] "You got any more questions, just give me a jingle."
[Later, Lincoln and Luan leave a trail of nacho cheese leading to the barn, the goats lick their way in, followed by Leni, licking the cheese off the ground as well]
Leni: "Oh, there you guys are."
Lincoln: "Come on, Leni, I think I hear Luna."
[Leni crawls into the barn, Lincoln closes the door and they all peer out. Luna and Roxy arrive]
Luna: "Dude, where are all the goats?"
Lincoln: "Yes! Another plan thwarted."
[Next, they cycle along a road, and arrive at another place]
Leni: "Wow, Linc, how do you know where the town biker hangout is?"
[Lincoln points at the sign]
Luan: [Reading the slogan] "Open for Badness? Oh, clever, yet scary." [There's already a fight going on, a biker get flung right out of the joint and goes back inside] "This place looks a little rough, do we have to go in?"
Lincoln: "Heck no, I thought we could keep Luna away by making it look like it's closed, starting with unplugging that sign."
[Lincoln points at the sign again, which goes out]
Leni: [Holding the plug] "There, all done."
[Suddenly two bikers come out of the joint]
Biker Woman: "Hey, you little punks!"
[The kids turn around]
Biker Man: "Nobody touches our sign."
[Cracks his knuckles and the lady hawks one]
Mr. Coconuts: [Sniffs] "Ooh, smells like nobody touches a bar of soap around here either."
Biker Woman: "What did you say, puppet?!"
[Rolls up her sleeves, while the dude sniffs his armpit and retches. Lincoln, Leni and Luan make a run for it]
Biker Man: [Calls inside] "Those guys insulted out personal hygiene! Let's get 'em!"
[An angry mob of bikers, and Scoots, come out of the joint]
Mr. Coconuts: [As they're cycling away] "Well, on the upside, there's no bikers left for Luna to rumble with."
Luan: [Puts him lower in her bike's basket] "Quiet, Mr. C! You are in a timeout."
Lincoln: "Last stop, town hall. We gotta get there before Luna can steal the big R."
[They pedal faster]
[They get to town hall]
Leni: "Too late!"
[Luna is stealing the R. Suddenly, a security guard comes around the corner]
Mr. Coconuts: "Oh-no! The five O! Let's split before we get busted for tresspassin'!"
Lincoln: "No! We have to save Luna."
Luan: "Oh, but then she'll know we read her diary!"
Lincoln: "We have no choice." [They run up to Luna] "Stop!"
Mr. Coconuts: "Don't throw your life away."
Luna: "Huh? What are you guys doin' here?"
All three: "We read your diary!"
Luna: [Furious] "You what?!" [Slides down her ladder]
Leni: "We're really sorry for invading your privacy, and we totes get it if you hate us forever, but we couldn't let you ruin your life."
[Luna's anger suddenly turns to laughter]
Luna: "Duh, I knew you dudes were snoopin' in my diary, that's why I made up this whole rebellious act."
All three: "What?"
Luna: "It all started the other day after band practice." [Flashback to Luna returning home, collecting her diary, and passing Leni on the stairs. When she gets upstairs, she finds a light blonde hair in her diary, then hears Lincoln and Leni downstairs]
Lincoln: "Phew, that was close."
Leni: "I know, can you imagine how upset Luna would be if she knew we read her diary."
[Luna feels violated. End of flashback, Lincoln and Leni look at each other, guiltily]
Luna: "So I erased what was really in my last entry, and made up the story about skipping school instead."
Lincoln: "And the tattoo?"
[Luna shows her leg, no tattoo at all]
Luan: "Well, what about sneaking out to clubs?"
Luna: "I never snuck out, I just faked sneaking back in. I had to make the window creak like six times 'til you woke up."
[Flashback to Luna opening and closing the window multiple times, and slapping her face in frustration]
Leni: "Well, what about this Roxy girl?"
[Roxy comes out of the bushes and takes off the hat, wig, and jacket, revealing her true identity]
All three: "Sam?"
Sam: "Sorry, guys, I had to help her out."
Luna: "You know I'd never actually do any of that bad stuff, right? I was just trying to get you to fess up to reading my diary."
Lincoln: "Sorry we doubted you."
Luna: "It's cool, dudes. I'm sorry for messin' with you to teach you a lesson."
Leni: [Offscreen] "You really went all out." [Playing with the security guard's moustache] "This security guard is so believable, except he doesn't even look that scary." [Let's go of his moustache, and he gets really mad] "Oh, now he does."
Luna: "Dudes! I didn't hire him! Run!"
[Luna, Sam, Lincoln, and Luan make a run for it, Leni nervously laughs at the guard and follows before the guard grabs her. They escape on their bikes]
Mr. Coconuts: "So Lunes, what was the big secret? I gotta know! A bad grade? Secret piercing? You owe money to some hooligans so you're-"
[Luna grabs him by the throat and throws him into someone's trashcan]
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