The following is a transcript for the episode "Snow Bored".
[It is nighttime, and snow is falling. Inside, the siblings are watching the television news.]
Katherine Mulligan: "Good evening, everybody. Now stay warm and stay tuned. Because we'll have tonight's weather right after this."
Lucy: [wishing] "Oh, spirit in the sky, grant my wish."
Lori: [her fingers are crossed] "Fingers crossed."
Luan: [her arms and legs are crossed.] "Everything crossed."
Lily: [drinks milk from her bottle, burps and laughs.]
Lola: "I got my lucky rabbit's foot."
Lana: "I got my lucky booger. This baby got me through preschool."
Lynn: "And I got my lucky jock" [stretches it, slinging it into Lincoln's face.]
Lincoln: "Ugh!" [to the viewers] "You may be wondering what the heck is going on here. I'll show ya'." [opens the front door and steps outside.] "See that? Snow, beautiful snow. And if it keeps coming down, we can be in for a snow day tomorrow. So tonight, we're doing everything in our power to make it happen."
Luna: "Dudes! The weather's on!"
[Lincoln runs back in and cross his fingers.]
Patchy Drizzle: "Patchy Drizzle here. Takin' on the weather, myself. Rollin' up my sleeves" [rolling his sleeves up] "Takin' it on."
[The Loud kids watch it seriously.]
Patchy Drizzle: "Better put on the old snowshoes, folks, 'cause we could be getting up to twenty four inches of Mother Nature's dandruff. I regret saying that." [takes a piece of paper] "Ahem. The following schools will be closed tomorrow."
The Loud kids: [hopeful] "Royal Woods! Royal Woods! Royal Woods!"
Patchy Drizzle: "Beaverton, Hazeltucky, Huntington Oaks and..."
[The kids look on in awe.]
Patchy Drizzle: "...that's it."
The Loud kids: [sad] "Awwww..."
Lola: [angrily] "WHY YOU LOUSY-!!"
Patchy Drizzle: "I'm just kidding. You too, Royal Woods!"
[Aerial view of the house and the whole neighborhood; the kids start cheering and jumping up and down.]
The Loud kids: [excited] "HOORAY!!! WOO HOO!!! Snow Day!! Snow Day!! Snow Day!!"
Patchy Drizzle: "Snow Day!!"
[Lisa appears and turns off the TV.]
Lisa: "This just in. There will not be a snow day tomorrow."
[Her siblings are surprised and stop cheering.]
Lisa: "Once I spray my super strength salt across the city roadways, we shall have no trouble accessing school."
[They all boo at Lisa and throw pillows at her.]
Lola: [angrily] "WHY WOULD YOU RUIN OUR SNOW DAY?!"
Lisa: "Ahem." [pulls a chart down] "For every school day you miss, your brain functionality decreases by approximately point 0.006 %"
Leni: "But Lisa, snow days are F-O-N, fun!!!"
Lisa: [presses a button and the chart goes up.] "I rest my case. Besides, I fail to see how frolicking in frozen temperatures like a bunch of nincompoops is fun."
Lincoln: "What if we could show you how fun snow days can be? Then would you call off the salt?"
[The Loud kids agree with Lincoln and are excited to help Lisa]
Leni: "Yeah! F-O-N! F-O-N!"
The Loud kids: "F-O-N! F-O-N!"
Lisa: "Fine!! But only because I can't stand to hear you spell erroneously."
[The Loud kids cheer as they walk off.]
Leni: [stops walking] "Wait, I thought we were spelling "fun"."
[The next day, everybody is getting out of the house to have fun in the snow.]
Lisa: "Okay, you've got four hours. Dazzle me or it's back to school for you truants." [puts on her snow goggles.]
[Lincoln runs while pulling Lisa on the sled.]
Lincoln: "Woo! Sledding! What do you think, Lis?"
Lisa: "I think my buttocks are cold."
[The sled hits a rock and Lisa accidentally gets off it while yelping.]
Lisa: "And now bruised."
[Lincoln finishes building an igloo.]
Lincoln: "Here's another snow day classic. Snow Fort!!! Come on in. You gotta check out the built in cup holders." [goes in]
Lisa: "Hmm... lacks crossbeams, low baring walls, a solid foundation..."
Lincoln: "All choices that I made."
Lisa: "Hardly up to code."
[After Lisa touches the igloo, it falls apart.]
Lincoln: "It's collapsible too."
Lana: "How about letting old Lans take the reins?"
Lincoln: "Knock yourself out. My buttocks are cold. And bruised."
[Lana made a snowman.]
Lana: "Say hello to Mr. Twig Arms!"
Lisa: "Huh. So, what does Mr. Twig Arms do?"
Lana: "Uh... nothing. But, he's awful jolly."
Lisa: Perhaps if you valued your education, you could build something with more pizazz." [presses a button and a robot appears out of the garage.] "Say hello to Mr. Reinforced Titanium Alloy Arms."
[The robot is searching for a target to destroy and thinks the snowman is the enemy and shoot lasers at Mr. Twig Arms.]
Lisa: "Sorry, I forgot he has jolly seeking lasers."
[Lola is ice skating.]
Lola: "Here's the returning champion, Lola Loud! About to execute a triple salchow!"[performs her triple salchow and sticks the landing.] "Come on, Lisa! It's your turn!"
Lisa: [counting formulas] "Based on water density, air temp, and the weight of a small human, that ice should give way in 3, 2..."
[The ice breaks and Lola falls into the water.]
Lola: "Dang it."
Lisa: "Dang it's right. I was one second off."
[Lisa and Lucy are making snow angels.]
Lisa: "What exactly are we doing?"
Lucy: "Playing corpsicle. It's my favorite snow game."
Lisa: "How do you win? By getting hypothermia?"
[Luan is holding a bucket full of snow.]
Luan: "Watch this, Lis. You're gonna love snow pranks."
[The two siblings walk up to Lincoln who is rebuilding his snow fort. Luan winks at Lisa, who is confused and puts snow balls on Lincoln's butt.]
Luan: "FROST BUTT!!"
Lincoln: [panics and shivers] "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!"
Luan: [laughs] "Oh, man. Classic Luan."
Lincoln: [still shivering] "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!"
Lisa: [researching on her phone] "Uh...as the famous Shackleton expedition has shown us, losing a buttock to frostbite is no laughing matter."
Luan: "Eesh, I'd really like to make a crack right now. But, it's snow time to be cheeky." [laughing] "Get it?"
Lisa: "Unfortunately, yes."
Lincoln: [still shivering] "Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold!"
[Lynn and Lisa are on a bobsled while their siblings watch.]
Lynn: "Representing Royal Woods in the World Bobsled Finals, it's Lynn and Lisa Loud!! Oh, yeah!!" [starts the sled on the slope.]
Lisa: "Woah, woah, woah... Stop!!!"
Lynn: [slips and accidentally lets the sled move away.] "Uh-oh."
Lisa: "I can't see this ending well."
[Lisa goes really fast and gets off from her sled screaming in panic and falls in the snow. Her siblings gasp and come to her location.]
Lincoln: "Umm.. Snow angels?"
Lisa: "It's over, guys. Snow days are both pointless and a health hazard. Ergo, I shall unleash the salt."
Lisa's siblings: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
[The Loud kids complain at Lisa.]
Lincoln: "Aw, come on! Seriously?"
Lisa: "My decision is final. You cannot talk me out of it."
[Someone throws a snowball at Lisa.]
Lisa: [angry] Alright, who did that?"
[The Loud kids move away and reveal that it was Lana.]
Lana: "Aw, you finks!"
Lisa: "You've poked a bear, my friend."
Lana:"Haha. What are you going to do..."
[Lisa throws a snowball at Lana.]
Lisa: "Huh. That was actually quite satisfying."
[Lisa makes another snowball.]
Lynn: [helping Lana up with Lincoln] "Here, Lana."
Lincoln: "Let's help you up."
[Lisa throws a snowball at Lana again, and the others as well.]
Lisa: "Hey, this is kind of..."
Lisa: "Yes, F-O-N, fun."
[The Loud kids are having fun with snowballs.]
[Later at nighttime, Lincoln is blowing hot air at his hot cocoa.]
Lisa: "Hey, Lincoln. Thanks for today. You made a snow day convert out of me."
Lincoln: "Well, I'm glad you had fun. Especially since Patchy said back to school tomorrow."
[Lisa gets surprised and smiles.]
[The next day, the Loud sisters come into Lincoln's room while he is still sleeping.]
Lynn: "Lincoln, wake up! It's a snow day miracle."
Lincoln: "Lynn, what are you talking about?"
Lori: [joyful] "Look outside!"
[Lincoln looks out the window to see it's another snow day.]
Lincoln: "What in the what? How is this even possible?"
Lana: "Oh, my lucky booger worked again!"
Lisa: [imitates buzzer] "Incorrect. I called some friends at NASA. They pulled a few strings, and a little cloud-seedding later, we have ourselves another snow day."
Lincoln: "That is awesome! Thanks, Lisa."
Lana: "Aw, I still think that was you, Lucky B." [Kisses her booger]
[Outside, Lincoln is sledding.]
[Suddenly, Lisa blasts snowballs at him and Lincoln crashes into a tree where a pile of snow falls onto him.]
Lisa: [laughs] "There's nothing like another whole day of lobbing frozen projectiles. WOO HOO!! Snow day!!!"
[Lana is making another snowman.]
Lana: "Ah. Even better."
[Suddenly, Lisa starts firing snowballs and makes a hole on Mr. Twig Arms Jr.]
Lana: [gasps] "Mr. Twig Arms Jr.!"
Lisa: [laughs] "Look alive, Lana! Mr. Twig Arms sure doesn't."
[Lynn is riding her sled when suddenly Lisa appears on her own one.]
Lisa: "Hey, Lynn!" [busts out a snowball gatling gun] "Say hello to my not-so-little friend." [laughs as she throws snowballs at her sister.] Snow daaaaaaaaaaaaay!
[Lynn falls into Lincoln's fort.]
Lincoln: "Dang it."
[Lisa comes by with a bazooka loaded with snow.]
Lisa: "Hey, guys! I want to show you my latest invention: the Ultra Snowzooka! Patent pending." [Looks around] "Guys? Where'd they go?"
[The others are inside the house.]
Lincoln: "Sheesh! We've created a monster!"
Lori: "At least we're safe in here."
Lucy: "Yeah. It's not like she can bring snow inside the house."
[Lisa shoots snow at them and they yelp at their ambush.]
Lisa: "Behold, my latest latest invention! Indoor snow! Patent pending!" [Lisa starts shooting snowballs and laughs while her siblings run off terrified.]
[Lori is hiding in her room's closet.]
Lori: [to Bobby on her tablet] "Boo Boo Bear, Lisa is literally out of control." [pants in fear]
Lisa: [opens the door] "On the contrary, I've never felt more in control, or more alive!" [to Bobby] "She'll have to call you back, Boo Boo Bear."
Lori: "I love you."
[Lisa shoots Lori with snow, covering the phone's camera, and it shuts off.]
[Lana is checking outside of her room and runs to the bathroom. In the bathroom, Lisa shoots snow.]
Lana: [runs out of the bathroom with her dungarees down while screaming.] "Is nothing sacred?!"
[Lisa laughs evilly]
[Lincoln and Leni are hiding in the fireplace.]
Lincoln: "We should be safe under here."
Leni: [holds a bag of brown nuts] "I brought chestnuts for roasting."
Lisa: [up the chimney] "YOO HOO! Here's Jack Frost nipping at your nose!"
[Lisa shoots snow down the chimney.]
Lincoln: "Oh, shoot." [the snow covers him and Leni.]
[Lucy is hiding in the vent.]
Lucy: "That maniac will never find me here."
Lynn: [Shows up] "Mind if I join you?"
Lucy: "It's pretty crowded up here with me and the spirits. But I think there's room next to Great Grandma Harriet."
Lynn: [sits next to her sister] "Phew! Oh, safe at last!"
[A giant snowball is rolling towards Lynn and Lucy. They panic and run away from it.]
Lynn: "Move it, Grandma!"
[Snow splatters outside the vent as the Wilhelm scream is heard.]
[Later at night, the Loud kids are at the living room and wish to end snow days.]
Lucy: "Oh, spirit in the sky. End this madness."
Lori: [fingers crossed] "Please, please. No more snow!"
Luan: [arms and legs crossed] "Yeah, I can't take another day of this."
Lily: [drinks milk from her bottle, burps and laughs.]
Lola: "How do you reverse a rabbit's foot?"
Lana: "Lucky B, You've gone too far!"
Luna: "Dudes! It's on!"
Patchy Drizzle: "Well, no one saw this coming but it looks like we're in for another foot of snow tonight! And that's gonna mean...
[The Loud kids gasp.]
Patchy Drizzle:...School closings!!!'
[The Loud kids groan sadly.]
Lisa: "YESSS!!! Thank you, NASA!!! You punks ready for tomorrow? 'Cause my snow powered tank sure is!"[clicks a button]
[Outside, the tank sends more snow.]
Lisa's Siblings: "NOOOOO!!!"
Lincoln: "Lisa, please, enough! You have to call off the snow day."
Lisa: "Sorry, bub. Cloud-seeding isn't exactly reversible."
Lincoln: "Then use your special salt!"
Lisa: "But I'm really looking forward to another snow day. You guys convinced me, they are F-O-N, fun!"
Lincoln: "I think we've had enough fun".[The sisters beg Lisa to call off the snow day.]
Leni: "Please! We gotta go back to school!"
Luan: "Bring on the learning!"
Lisa: "Well, I'm quite crestfallen. But if that is the consensus, I'll submit to the will of the majority."
Leni: "So...going back to school?"
[Lisa nods and the sisters cheer.]
Leni: "S-K-O-O-L! S-K-O-O-L!"
Lincoln: "Thanks, Lis."
Lisa: "No problem, Lincoln. Best get ready for bed. School day tomorrow."
[The next morning, Lisa is sitting in her tank, which now shoots the salt.]
Lisa: [to the viewers] "Well, Houston, mission accomplished. My master plan was a major success. I'm pretty sure my siblings won't be wanting anymore snow days." [rises out of the tank] "And now that I've repurposed my snow tank to a salt-spraying, snow-melting de-icer, it's time for some real F-U-N, spelled correctly, I might add."
[Lisa makes the tank move forward and spray salt as her siblings follow her.]
Lisa's sisters: "School day! School day! School day!"
Lincoln: [to the viewers; confused] "Wait. What just happened? "