The Loud House Encyclopedia
The Loud House Encyclopedia

The following is a transcript for the episode "Stressed for the Part."

Script[]

The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.

[At Dairyland, Luan rushes through the crowd to meet up with Benny, who is serving Scoots near a popcorn stand]
Luan: "Benny!"
Benny: "Hey, Luan!"
Luan: "I got your text. What's the biggest news in the history of the universe?"
Scoots: "Excuse you, missy. He was attending to my popcorn needs first." [snatches the popcorn from Benny] "What happened to service with a smile?" [drives off]
Benny: "Luan, look!" [shows her a poster] "Thanks to my weekend job here, I got the scoop on park auditions. They're casting for-"
Mr. Coconuts: "Heidi Heifer!"
Luan: "In the stage show, A Cream Come True!"
Benny: "It's the part you've always wanted!"
Luan: "Everybody who was Heidi has done big things. Why, one of the actresses is now a leading bovine on Broadway! I'm gonna sign up to audition right now! Oh, Benny, you're the best!"
[She kisses him on the cheek and runs off. He blushes.]


[At the auditions, Luan is third in line after two more actors. The first Heidi actor dons her mask but loses balance and stumbles off the stage.]
Director: [sighs] "Next."
[The second actor is up. She dons the mask]
Heidi #2: [robotically] "I don't know how this o-curd, but I lost my whey." [forgets the rest of the line] "I'm confused."
[She is instantly yanked off the stage.]
Director: [sighs] "NEXT!"
[Now it's Luan's turn]
Luan: "I don't know how this o-curd, but I lost my whey. I'd butter find it, or I'll be in gelato trouble! Moooo!"
Director: [impressed; claps] "Put those other Heifers out to pasture. We've found our Heidi."
Luan: [unmasks and fist-pumps] "Yes!"


[Later at the Royal Woods High School theater]
Luan: [practicing her moos] "Moo! Moo!" [falsetto] "Moooo!"
Mr. Coconuts: "Nah, toots. That's too Holstein. Go lower into your Jersey range."
Luan: "Oh, Mr. Coconuts, I can't wait to tell Mrs. Bernardo I got the part!"
Mr. Coconuts: "She'll be over the moooon, toots!"
Luan: "Aww."
[Suddenly Mrs. Bernardo walks in with her makeup running]
Mrs. Bernardo: "Class, you're looking at a woman who was up all night crying- I mean, 'workshopping her emotions'. I auditioned for a major role and was rejected for the fourteenth time! It's a character that speaks to me, one I'm meant to play! Why?! Why dost thou elude me, Heidi Heifer?!"
[Luan is teared up from the story when Benny approaches]
Benny: "Luan, did I miss it? Did you tell Mrs. Bernardo your good news?"
[Luan freezes as she realizes she had robbed Mrs. Bernardo of her dream role]
Mrs. Bernardo: [sniffs] "Perhaps a sprig of good news will sweeten my sorrow. Well, Luan, what are your happy tidings?"
Mr. Coconuts: "She, uh, bought me a new bowtie. Ain't it a real doozy?"
[The bowtie transforms into a flower before reverting back. Mrs. Bernardo sighs]
Mrs. Bernardo: "And the agony lives on. Luan, would you lead acting warmups? I'll be brooding tragically in the wings." [leaves]


[Later, Luan is at her locker with Benny watching]
Benny: "I know she was upset, but I think you should have told Mrs. B you were cast as Heidi. She's your mentor."
Luan: "Are you out of your adorable curly-haired mind? That's exactly why I didn't say anything. The role means a lot to her. Finding out I got it would crush her. I can't do that." [The bell rings] "Ooh! I need my script so you could help me run lines at lunch."
[She starts throwing things out of her locker, accidentally hitting Benny with a pie in the face]
Mr. Coconuts: "Wowza! It's not in here, doll!"
Benny: "The last time I saw you with it was this morning, in theatre class."
Luan: [gasps] "That's where I must have left it! And my name's on the cover!" [notices Benny] "Oh, Benny, this is no time for pie-in-the-face gags! We've got to get that script before Mrs. B sees it!"
[She runs off, then grabs Benny, causing the pie to fall off his face.]


[Luan and Benny peek into the theater]
Mrs. Bernardo: "Alright, thespians, places for our mime funeral scene. Remember, let your body do the crying."
[The actors start mime-crying. Luan and Benny sneak into the seats, where they notice Luan's script on a chair on stage. Luan gets on a sand weight and pulls herself down before reaching for the script]
Mrs. Bernardo: "Oh, so that's where I left the script for my new one-woman show." [puts the script in her bag] "And curtain, which also happens to be the name of the show!"
[The weight jerks upwards, and Luan crashes. Mrs. Bernardo shrugs and leaves.]


[Mrs. Bernardo is at Reininger's talking to Leni.]
Mrs. Bernardo: "Do you have anything with a 'your acting career hasn't been a total farce' vibe?"
Leni: [holds up a scarf] "I have this one with kitty cats!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "Ah, that cheers me up a smidge. I was in a lauded production of Kats in '89. Kats with a K, for legal reasons."
[Luan peeks out of a sweater rack. As Mrs. Bernardo examines the cat scarf, Luan inches closer to nab the script and is forced to get her back to Mrs. Bernardo to get it]
Mrs. Bernardo: "No, never mind. The kitties look like they're laughing at my suffering."
[Luan dives back into the rack as Mr. Bernardo leaves.]
Mr. Coconuts: "Well, that was unscripted."


[At the Supermart, Benny approaches Mrs. Bernardo]
Benny: "Hey, Mrs. B. Would you help us out? Mrs. Appleblossom has a big dance recital today, and she could really use your feedback."
Mrs. Bernardo: "Here? Amongst the produce?"
Benny: "Well, like you always say, all the world's a stage."
Mrs. Appleblossom: [starts dancing] "♫ Hmm-hmm, I can do the can-can, do-do-do-do-do, do... ♫"
[Luan tries to snag the script, but Mrs. Bernardo starts dancing and hip-checks her shopping cart, sending Luan flying into the orange stand. A nearby chef trips over the fallen oranges, causing the cake to land on Luan. Later, Mrs. Bernardo notices a can with a cow on it]
Mrs. Bernardo: "Cursed dairy. Everywhere I doth go, you haunt me like a lactose demon!"
[Behind the cans, Luan successfully nabs the script, and Mrs. Bernardo leaves. Mr. Grouse passes by and Luan hands him a similar can]
Mr. Grouse: "Ah, thank you."
Luan: "You're welcome."
Mr. Grouse: "Huh?"
[Luan and Benny snicker to themselves before hiding their positions with cereal.]


[Luan, Cheryl and Tippy are now rehearsing for their show]
Tippy: "Whoa. Feta Falls, Milkshake Mountain, Parmesan Peak? Gosh, this magical dairy adventure has been the trip of a lifetime!"
Luan: "You said it, Tippy! Oh, Dairy Godmother, it makes my stomach churn just thinking about this dream having to end."
Cheryl: "Well, it don't have to, little cheese curd!" [is hoisted upwards and store freezers lower down] "You can always find the doorway to this enchanted place in your grocer's dairy section."
All: "♫ Ghee and yogurt and feta cheese, too / All of this dairy's a dream come true! ♫"
Director: "Great rehearsal, everyone. That's lunch. Let's be back in an hour. We don't wanna be late for our first performance, and don't even think about standing in line for a funnel cake. I'm looking at you, Cheryl."
[Cheryl chuckles nervously. Everyone else leaves, leaving Cheryl stuck on her wire]
Cheryl: "Stuck on a wire, y'all!"


[Later, Luan is about to have lunch when Benny comes over]
Benny: "Luan, I was just at my popcorn cart, and I saw Mrs. Bernardo! She's here in Dairyland, right now!"
Luan: "What?! She must have heard I was cast as Heidi!"
Mr. Coconuts: "Well, this could be curtains for you, doll."
[Luan imagines herself performing as Heidi]
Luan: "♫ All of this dairy's a dream come true! ♫"
Mrs. Bernardo: "YOU STOLE MY PART!" [tackles Luan and removes her Heidi mask] "There can only be one Heidi! THE STREETS WILL RUN WHITE WITH MILK!"
[Back to reality]
Luan: "I can't let her see me here!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "LUAN LOUD!" [Luan and Benny freeze upon hearing that; Mrs. Bernardo shows up] "A joy seeing you and Benny. It does my tortured soul a world of good."
Luan: "Oh, Mrs. B! What, uh, brings you here?"
Mrs. Bernardo: "Whenever I am rejected as Heidi, I go on rides and scream my fool head off. 'Tis the best way to let out frustration. You must join me." [grabs Luan] "It's much more effective with a friend."
Benny: "She can't! Uh, she promised to taste-test my new popcorn!"
Luan: "Uh, yes! He's rolling out the new skim cottage cheese flavor!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "Skim cottage cheese? Heh. How wretched. Just like my self-worth!" [starts sobbing]
Luan: "Alright, alright. OK, I'll go with you. But just a few rides."
Mrs. Bernardo: "Oh, Luan, you're an angel of mercy."
[Mrs. Bernardo grabs Luan and drags her over the park. They ride a rollercoaster and a spinning attraction, with Mrs. Bernardo screaming. Luan gets nauseous and afterwards vomits into a trash can.]
Mrs. Bernardo: "The screaming worked! I'm over my Heidi rejection! Thank you, Luan."
Luan: "Oh, glad to help, Mrs. B. Welp, I guess I'd better go help Benny with that popcorn tasting!"
[Suddenly Tippy makes an announcement over the intercom]
Tippy: "Moo! Tippy here! Would Heidi Heifer report to the Udder-torium? It's almost showtime. Moo!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "HEIDI! WILL THY TORTURE NEVER END?! I need more screaming, Luan!" [yanks her away]


[Now they're riding the Seas of Cheese.]
Puppets: "♫ Dairy binds the world together, dairy binds us all... ♫"
Luan: "Uh, but Mrs. B, I don't get how this ride's gonna make you scream. Except maybe after hearing that song over and over and over again." [Mrs. Bernardo hops out of the boat they're on] "What are you doing?!"
[Mrs. Bernardo destroys a nearby machine, stopping the ride, before turning to a nearby Heidi statue.]
Mrs. Bernardo: "I NEED HER TO KNOW HOW I FEEL!"
[As Mrs. Bernardo lets out a long, withdrawn shriek of rage at the Heidi statue, Luan's cell phone rings. She picks up.]
Luan: "Hello?"
[Split-screen with the director.]
Director: "Luan, where are you? If you don't show up soon I'll have to give the role to someone else." [notices something] "Uh, Cheryl? Is that a funnel cake? What did I say about..."
[Luan hangs up. She looks at Mrs. Bernardo, still screaming at the Heidi statue, and panics.]
Luan: "Oh, Mrs. Bernardo! I was cast as Heidi Heifer in the show and, if I don't hurry, I'm gonna lose the part!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "Cue unscripted stage gasp!" [gasps]
Luan: "I should have told you. I just... I consider you my mentor and I didn't want to ruin our relationship." [sighs] "I'm sorry."
Mrs. Bernardo: "Oh, funny, silly, sweet, kind Luan. I'm so deliriously happy for you."
Luan:' "Really? I thought you'd be mad!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "Dear child, I would have been thrilled to be Heidi, but I am also proud that my training helped you land the role. Now get thee to that stage!"
[She realizes that she had accidentally destroyed the machine making the ride go.]
Luan: "Oh no! The ride's broken! We'll never make it!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "If anyone can make it to a show on time, it's Kate Bernardo! Hop on!"


[Mrs. Bernardo carries Luan out of the ride]
Mrs. Bernardo: "Make way! Theatrical emergency!"
Luan: "The show starts in just a few minutes! We won't make it in time like this! We need a faster way!"
[Mrs. Bernardo gets an idea. Benny is at his popcorn cart and pours butter on some popcorn. Before he can give it to a guest, Mrs. Bernardo hops on it and takes off, dragging Benny with it.]
Benny: "Limburger Lane is a five-mile-an-hour zone! We're clocking 30!"
[They're fast approaching the Udder-torium]
Mrs. Bernardo: [throws Luan] "GO, LUAN! DAZZLE THAT AUDIENCE!" [crashes]
Luan: [lands in front of the cast and crew] "I'm here, Cream Team! Let's get out there and-" [notices Cheryl with cake in her ears] "Hey, what's going on?"
Director: "Cheryl fell into a vat of funnel cake batter. Her ears are clogged and she can't hear. The show won't go on."
Luan: "I've got it. The show will go on!"


[The show is going on seemingly normally]
Luan: "Oh, Dairy Godmother, it makes my stomach churn just thinking about this dream having to end."
[Mrs. Bernardo, now playing the Dairy Godmother, lowers herself on a wire]
Mrs. Bernardo: "It doesn't have to, my little cheese curd."
[The store freezers lower down]
All: "♫ Ghee and yogurt and feta cheese, too / All of this dairy's a cream come true! ♫"
[The audience cheers, including the rest of the Louds. Later, the cast celebrates the performance]
Luan: "Oh, Mrs. Bernardo, they loved us! Talk about a moo-ving experience!"
Mrs. Bernardo: "Yes, all thanks to you, my dear girl. I've never felt so a-liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!"
[She sings so loud the cake pops out of Cheryl's ears]
Cheryl: "Mercy's sakes, the funnel batter's gone! I can hear again!"
[Tippy trips on the spilled cake]
Mr. Coconuts: "Batter luck next time, kiddo!"
[The end.]

v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts