The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The Loud House, the twins' room. Lola is working on a party map.] Lola: "OK. OK. Now that one's backwards. OK, there! This party map is coming along nicely! Oops, the cotton candy machine can't be too close to the bounce house or it'll be puke city! Blegh! I hope you're writing this down." [Mr. Sprinkles facepalms into the notebook.] "Mr. Sprinkles? Hello! Focus! Eunice would kill for this job!" [The possum Lana had adopted back in "Coupe Dreams" bursts out of Eunice, scaring Lola and causing her to fall backwards into the party map, destroying it. The possum scurries away from the scene.] Lana: "Bad Duncan!" [The possum runs to Lana, who grabs it.] "Aw, sorry about Eunice." [walks to Lola's tea party table.] "I'll get her patched up for ya. By the way, this is Duncan!" [shows the possum to Lola.] "I'm training him." [puts Duncan on the table.] "Duncan, sit!" [Duncan grabs Lola's notebook and thrashes it back and forth with his teeth.] "It's a work in progress. So, you're planning our birthday party again, huh?" Lola: "I was." [grabs her notebook from Duncan and walks out of scene.] Lana:[as Duncan starts cleaning himself.] "I kinda wanna talk to you about that. I was hoping I could plan the party this year." [Lola looks at Lana confused, then starts laughing before noticing Lana's expression. Duncan pops up next to Lana.] Lola: "Oh, you're serious." [walks to Lana] "Listen, sweetie, party planning takes a certain je ne sais quoi." Lana: "I got a ton of that!" [burps] Lola: "Besides, I've always planned our birthday parties." [shows an image entitled "Memories" featuring the twins' first five birthdays.] Lana: "That's the point! You plan our parties every year, even before we were born." [Flashback to an ultrasound of the twins in the womb. Lola has a party hat on and blowing on a noisemaker. Back to the present.] "You always do your frou-frou "party". It's only fair that I get to plan this year's, Lana-style." Lola: "Yeah, it's that last part that scares me." Lana:[puts arm around Lola] "Don't worry, sis! The party's in great hands!" [lets go, leaving behind a brown substance.] "Oops, sorry, not even sure what that is. [shrugs] "Time to plan the best birthday party ever!" [Duncan snarls, then the two leave.] Lola: "Come on, Mr. Sprinkles. We have to stop Lana from ruining the party! But first, I'll need to take a three-hour shower."
[The twins arrive at the Hazeltucky Party Outlet.] Lola: "Here we are! Hazeltucky's finest party supply store. Wait here. I'll make sure they're open." Lana: "Uh, I see customers inside." Lola:[gasps] "Those could be thieves! Stay here where it's safe." [heads inside and finds Midge behind the counter] "Midge!" Midge: "Lola, how did the Parisian table runners go over at your tea party?" Lola: "Midge, I don't have time to talk about that. OK, they look fabulous, but listen. I have a party crisis on my hands. I need you to hide everything poop-colored, NOW!" [Midge gets to work. Lola brings Lana - hiding her eyes with her cap - into the building.] "No peeking yet!" [Midge is seen dragging all the feces-colored decorations.] Midge:[Panting] "Okay." [Lola waits until Midge is out of sight.] Lola: "Ta-dah! Look, Lana, so many things that are just perfect for our party, huh?" [Picks up a blanket and covers Lana with it.] "Ooh, how about this? Tropical, fun, flirty..." Lana:[Takes it off and holds it] "Nah, those don't really scream 'Lana' to me." [to Midge] "Um, do you have a dumpster?"
[Now they are outside the building at the dumpster. Lola keeps her eyes shut and her nose pinched. Lana finds half-eaten cheese.] Lana: "Ooh! Midge, how much for the half-eaten cheese? It'd make a great centerpiece!" Midge: "Uh, gosh. Well, I don't know. [Speaks through the microphone] Can I get a price check on the dumpster cheese?" Employee:[Over receiver] "Uh, free?" Lana:[Sneaks her head on screen] "Cool! Yes!" [keeps digging through the dumpster, while Lola gags in disgust] "Wow! Old batteries? Rotting fish heads? These would make perfect party favors!" [Lola flops in misery.]
[The twins drive by with all of Lana's dumpster goods, Lana sticking her head out of the car like a dog and with junk scattering off the back of the car.] Lola's Thoughts: "Don't panic, Lola. This is only a minor setback. The party can still be saved." [Flies land and stick themselves to Lana's tongue.] Lola: "OK, before we go home, let's talk entertainment. I was thinking a Princess Storytime show, a mermaid matinee, a genie in a bottle, a-" Lana: "Sorry, Lols. I've planned something else in mind. Shortcut!" [Lana steers Lola's steering wheel, causing her to scream. The car crashes through a hedge.] "Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!"
[Flip's Food & Fuel. Lana signs a contract and gives it to Flip.] Flip: "Alright, everything looks to be in order. Hang on tight, or don't. I'm charging for the test ride either way." Lana:[is shown to be riding a bull.] "Let her rip, Flip!" Flip: "You got it! Let me give old Roy some spicy mustard! Yeah, that really gets him going!" [Flip cranks one of Roy's horns and feeds him mustard. The bull's eyes glow orange and he goes haywire, tackling Flip, bucking Lana off and kicking Lola into a wall.] Lana: "We'll take it!" [leaves] [Lola is shown bruised and dazed. She coughs.]
[Larry Berry Bakery. Lola is perusing the collection of cakes put up for sale.] Lola: "Ooh, how about this cake?" Lana: "Nah." Lola: "What about this one?" Lana: "Nah." Lola: "Ooh, ooh, this one, this one!" Lana: "Nah, nah." Lola: "OK." Lana:[walking to the baker] "Do you have a sink and some dirt?" Baker: "Are you with the health department?" Lana: "Nope." Baker: "Then follow me." [Cut to a very dirty sink, with flies buzzing around it.] Lana: "We'll take it from here." [doffs her hat, revealing Duncan and El Diablo. She, with the pets' help, makes a cake that Lola is horrified to look at. Lana squelches her way to the top of the cake.] "Speechless, huh? Well, I think that means we've found our cake!" [Jumps and slides down the cake towards the baker, leaving a trail.] "What do you have for toppings? Any worms or bugs we could sample?" [Lola appears and gags in disgust.] Baker: "I'm sure we could find something in the pantry. [He and Lana leave offscreen] Oh, those are just some exploding candles." [Panicking] "Wait, be careful with those!" [The candles explode. Lola screams as the cake falls on her. She pops out disgusted.]
[Back at the Loud House, Lola returns to her room dirtied up by her trip and retreats to her bed, leaving a trail of cake.] Lola: "I can't do this anymore. Lana is ruining this party! She actually thinks a pile of leaves can be used as both a toilet and toilet paper!" [Whimpers and looks at her teddy bear] "What am I going to do, Mr. Sprinkles?" [Mr. Sprinkles doesn't say anything.] "You're right. We're going to have to take more drastic measures. Any ideas?" [Mr. Sprinkles still doesn't respond. Lola gets up and laughs evilly.] "Yes! Time to make some phone calls."
THE BIRTHDAY Lola:[about to drink tea] "Lola Loud, you clever little minx." [sniffs her tea] [Lana blows on an airhorn, causing Lola to inhale her tea through her nose and spit it out in surprise.] Lana: "It's here! It's here! I can't believe it's our seventh birthday! Personally, I don't feel a day over six and a half. Listen, thanks for letting me plan the party this year. I know it wasn't easy to give it up, but you're weirdly cool about it." Lola: "Well, you just made it so easy." Lana:[hugs Lola] "Meet you at Tall Timbers Park!" [The possum follows Lana, but stops before he passes the doorway, and looks at Lola.] Lola: "What, Duncan?" [Duncan snarls, leaves] "It's party time."
[A suspiciously tiara-less Lola arrives at Tall Timbers Park. She looks ahead and notices Lana's stuff being taken by a garbage truck.] Lana: "Hey! My stuff, guys! Come back!" [After the truck leaves, she kicks a group of pebbles.] "Aw!" Lola:[feigning concern] "What's going on?" Lana: "The garbage guys threw away my garbage decorations!" Lola:[Scoffs] "What?! But how could they not understand the vision you were going for?" Lana:[sighs] "It's OK. At least the bull will be here soon." [her cell phone rings, and she answers it.] "Hello?" [Split-screen between Lana and Flip, the latter outside his store.] Flip: "Uh, muddy Loud kid, this is Flip. I can't make it to the party. I got four flapjacks and no spare." [Roy is heard rampaging, and his shadow is seen inside the gas station.] "Oh, listen, I gotta go. Roy found my pastrami sandwich and the thing was oozing with spicy mustard." [Roy bursts out of the store and charges at Flip, who drops his phone and runs away screaming. Lana hangs up.] Lana: "Aw... I guess there's no bull, either. All of Flip's tires are flat." Lola: "You're kidding! What are the chances?" [Points at something in the distance] "Oh, look, the guests are starting to arrive!" [She points to the group of kids who are standing by a banner that says, "Happy Birthday". One of them coughs.] Lola: "Well, I better go welcome everyone." [She walks by Lana and puts a hand on her shoulder in consolation.] Lola:[comfortingly] "I'll try to put on a happy face." [enthusiastically] "Hi!" [She darts to the guests.] Lana:[her phone rings again.] "Aw, man! What now? Hello?" [Baker appears on screen.] Baker: "I can't bring the cake today. Someone tipped off the health inspector about all the dirt and bugs at the bakery, and now I have to clean the whole place top to bottom!" [Lana sighs and hangs up then walks off. Meanwhile, Lola is gossiping] Lola: "And then I said, "You call that lemon chiffon? I do not think so!"" [laughing] [Scene moves to Lana who's sitting by a tree with Duncan and is depressed. Lola walks over to cheer her up.] Lola: "Lana, aren't you going to join our party?" Lana: "This party is officially ruined. No bull, no cake, no decorations..." [As Lana talks, Lola starts to feel bad for her.] Lola: "I am so sorry." Lana: "Lola, you gotta help me out. Is there anything you can do to save our birthday party?" Lola:[texts someone] "I... might be able to figure something out."
[Scene moves to party with a bunch of other guests and new decorations that have just arrived. A baker holding a cake walks by. Lola's decorations have come to save the day; scene zooms into Lola and Lana.] Lana: "Whoa. I can't believe you were able to pull this together so fast." Lola:[confidently] "Well, it's not gonna be as good as the awesome party you had planned, but it will have to do." [Chuckles] Garbage Truck Worker:[shouting as he's walking by holding a plate with a piece of cake and a fork.] "Hey Lola, I hope you don't mind, I came back for some cake." [As he speaks, Lola gets a nervous look on her face.] Lana: "Wait, you know the garbage man who threw away my decorations?" Lola:[stammers] "Barely!" [stammers again] [Flip shows up, badly injured on a motorcycle and wearing Lola's tiara.] Flip: "Hey, fancy Loud kid!" [tosses her ruined tiara at her.] "Watch where you leave this thing! It popped my tires, which I will be charging you for! Ooh, Parisian table runners!" [He drives forward on his motorbike, speeds up, screams, and crashes.] Lana: "Lola, what was your tiara doing under Flip's tires?" Lola: "What? It's not even my tiara! Everybody's wearing them nowadays!" Lana:[snatches Lola's tiara, angrily] "Save it! I can't believe you! You've been lying this whole time! The garbage trucks, the cake, the bull... there haven't been any mix-ups at all! You just wanted the party your way again!" [tears up as her voice breaks] "It's not fair, Lola! It was my turn!" [She runs away and throws Lola's tiara on the ground by her; she walks out of the scene and to a rather girly bike.] Lana:[grumpily] "I'm taking our present from Aunt Ruth. Enjoy your party!" [puts on helmet and gets on the bike.] "Come on, guys. Let's ride." [She rides away with Duncan and El Diablo; Lola is ashamed. Rita and Lynn Sr. are standing by the party table.] Rita: "OK, girls, time to blow out the candles!" [Lola walks into scene with her head down in shame.] "Where's your sister?" Lola:[with melancholy] "I...I...ruined her party and drove her away! I gotta fix this. Stall for me, OK?" [She points to her parents and then runs away.] Lynn Sr.: "Huh." [takes out his cowbell; tauntingly to Rita] "And you said I wouldn't need this." [He starts playing his cowbell and scatting as Rita groans.]
[Lola returns to Hazeltucky Party Outlet; she runs inside to the counter.] Lola: "Midge, I need you to bring out all the poop colors!" [Scene cuts to Flip's, Lola is trying to get Roy to budge while he's drinking a red Flippee as it pours out the dispenser.] Lola: "Come on, Roy, move your big bull butt!" [slaps Roy's butt, he kicks her into the trash can] "Well, at least there's rotten food in here. Party favors!" [At the bakery, she tries to recreate Lana's cake, but it falls on her.]
[Lola drives back to Tall Timbers. She gets off her princess jeep and knocks on a trashcan.] Lana: "No one's home. Especially if you're Lola." Lola:[disappointedly] "Lana, open up. I know this is your sad can." Lana:[trashcan jumps up and turns around.] "Go away." Lola: "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I should've let you have your party. It was your chance to shine." [The flap of the trash can opens.] Lana: "You really did me dirty, Lols." Lola:[disappointedly] "I know, but I have a big surprise that might make up for all the terrible things I did." Lana:[as Duncan pops out of the trashcan.] "We're listening..."
[Scene cuts to the party; Lola has turned it into a more Lana-centric one. The twins and Duncan pull up to the party in Lola's jeep. Lana has a smile on her face.] Lana:[jumps out of car with Duncan.] "Whoa." [The three of them walk through the party, which is filled with dirt and rot.] "Wow, you did all this?" Lola: "I'm gonna smell like a farm animal for a week, but some things are worth it." Lana:[pulls Lola towards her with her left arm.] "Thank you, Lola, for the best trashiest party ever!" Lola: "You're welcome." [puts her hands on Lana's shoulders.] "Now let's blow out our candles." [Lana smiles; now the twins are by the cake.] "Happy birthday, Lans." Lana: "Happy birthday, Lols." [Both blow out the candles.] Lynn Sr.:[taking photos] "Got it! Wait wait wait, one more for safety." [Scene moves back to the twins.] Lana: "I can't believe you managed to get the exploding candles, too." Lola:[confused] "Wait, what?" [The candles explode, covering the twins in the cake, much to Lana's happiness and Lola's disgust. The scene freezes and then zooms out to show Lynn Sr.'s photo of that moment on the "Memories" picture frame in the twins' room.]
