The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[It's another day at Camp Mastodon. Lori is introducing some new campers] Lori: "Welcome to Camp Mastadon. I'm your counselor, Lori. Get ready 'cause this is gonna be, literally, the most fun summer ever. Why? Um, hello. You're in the porcupine's cabin." [Makes quills with her hands over her head and lower back and makes a chittering noise] "That is the official greeting of us P-pines. TBH, I have no idea what a porcupine sounds like. Sasha, Jen, Courtney, you try." [Even though it looks silly, Sasha gives it a try followed by Jen. Courtney joins in too and they all start running around Lori]" Hey, P-pines. Let's go easy on the horseplay. Remember, laughter can quickly turn to tears." Jen: "Lori, can we do the zipline right now before all the other campers?" Courtney: "Yeah!" Sasha: "Pleeeaase?" Lori: "Ah, I'm sorry girls." [Points to where her wristwatch would be if she was wearing one] It's almost lunchtime and it's camp rules. We can't be late to the mess hall." [The girls are bummed out by this. Lori makes another chittering sound] "That's porcupine for… last one to lunch has cruddy quills. Come on." [Waddles away in her porcupine stance. The girls shrug and follow suit. Meanwhile a real porcupine watches them and feels insulted, but then crawls away in the same manner]
[At the mess hall, Lori and her porcupines are waiting in line while Luan and Mr. Coconuts are serving hot dogs] Luan: "Step right up and get your wiener from the amazing Chef Coconuts." [Chef Coconuts flips all the wieners with ease. Except for one that gets stuck in the rafters, and another that gets lodged in some kid's windpipe, and another that bounces off Marshall's head and lands on his tray. Marshall, who got what he came for, just leaves] Mr. Coconuts: "Oh, still getting the hang of this." [Cheff Coconuts tosses three more. And while it takes a little effort on their end, the porcupines all catch their wieners in their buns and cheer] Jen: "Chef coconuts, can I get grilled onions on mine?" Courtney: "Ooh, cheese for me, please." Lori: "Uh-uh-uh! No special orders around here, P-pines. We don't want to hold up the line." [The P-pines leave with their plain hotdogs] Luan: "Hey, Lori. How's it going with your campers?" Lori: "Oh. Literally fantastic. Pretty sure they already love me."
[Flips her hair, not noticing two wieners landing in it and cluelessly goes to her table. As she approaches the table, she hears what her girls really think of her] Sasha: "Wow, Lori is obsessed with rules." Jen: "Right?" [Groans] "She's so uncool." [They continue eating and Lori is shocked to be called uncool and drops her tray. Her campers notice her and she crouches down to pick up her food] Lori: "What? I am not like that at all. Well, I'll just have to show them how cool I really am." [Flips her hair, knocking the wieners out and onto the floor, which she then slips on, spilling her lunch on herself in front of her campers]
[Later, Lori and her P-pines are on the trail, though the girls don't seem so enthusiastic] Courtney: "Why are we out here? We could have taken the picture back at camp." Lori: "This is our first Porcupine's photo together. It's got to be somewhere fun and I don't know, cool. Like that tree over there." [Points to a rather crooked looking tree on the other side of a fence. She's about to climb over it, but then sees the signs] "Huh? Stay on trails. Um, sorry rules. Don't tell me what to do. Am I right? Come on, P-pines." [Lori hops right over the fence, followed by the now intrigued P-pines. They all approach the tree and smile for the camera] "Say rule breakers on three. One, two…" [Notices Jen looking down] "Jen, sweetie, look up." Jen: "Actually, you should look down. I think we're standing on an anthill." [The others don't like what they just heard. They look down and see they are all standing on an anthill. They freak out and run for it. All except Sasha who gets pulls in] Sasha: "Guys! Help me!" [The others are still running but they hear Sasha and look] Lori: "No porcupine left behind!" [Goes back for Sasha, who is getting pulled in even further. Lori grabs Sasha's hands and Jen and Courtney grab onto her and they pull. But for some reason the ants are pulling back. Lori, Courtney and Jen pull harder and manage to get Sasha out. They roll down the hill and land in a bush. They get out] Jen:[Starts scratching] "Uh, I feel itchy." [Suddenly they all get rashes] Sasha: "Aah! It's poison oak!" [The girls get out and start scratching like crazy] Lori: "Don't panic. Everything is…" [Her whole face swells up] "...fine."
[Later they are back in their cabin, their rashes have cleared but they're still kinda itchy] Lori: "Okay, the outdoors, not cool at all. So instead, how about a little indoor mini golf?" [Lori has actually set up a mini golf hole in the cabin] "I know, I know the rules say no sports in the cabins. Well, I say; too bad. So sad." [Sees that the P-pines are none too enthused. Neither is the real porcupine in the window] "Here, let me show you the course." [Sets her ball on the floor and putts. The ball rolls up a canoe paddle, into a bucket of sand which is pulled up by a fishing line and tipped over by a ship wheel with rubber gloves. The ball lands in a frying pan on a spring, likely intended to simply tip over and let the ball into the top of a life jacket with a golf flag sticking out. But instead the pan flings the ball into the light. The ball bounces of the shade and whizzes over the girls heads, off the wall, the bed, the roof, another wall, drives a hole right through Lori's huge hair, off the decorative moose head, knocking its eyeballs out, and finally the ball flies out the window and over the porcupine. The porcupine is upset, having almost been hit, and shakes his fist before getting his quills ready and firing] Lori: "Hit the deck!" [She and Courtney drop to the floor as the quills spear everything. Lori Courtney and Sasha get up] Jen:[Quilled to the wall] "I don't think I like mini golf anymore."
[Later, Lori is giving the girls facials] Lori: "For real. What could be cooler than a cooling mud mask?" [Later, a bell goes off] "Oh, it's dinner time. Well, you know what, rules? We're going to be late cuz we need time for the mud to harden." Sasha: "I think it already has." [Lori gasps. Her P-pines now look like stone tikis as their facials have gone rock solid. They try to take them off but it's they're stuck] Lori: "Oh. Don't worry, girls. A little water will get those right off." [Sprays the hose at them, but the hose is very powerful and sends them rolling into the lake. Which is full of naughty crabs. They jump up screaming] Jen: "So many claws!" [Lori cringes at this] Lori: "Ooh..."
[The P-pines finally make it to the mess hall. Suddenly Sasha hears a snapping and pulls another crab out of her hair. She freaks out and throws it away. The girls smile, expecting lunch] Luan: "Ooh, sorry, but you're late. All we got left are the reject burgers Mr. C flipped on the floor." [Gives them the burgers anyway, which are all dirty] Sasha:[Annoyed] "We would have been here on time if it wasn't for Lori and her mud masks." Jen:[Groans] "And I was looking forward to a nice, juicy, hairless, hamburger." Courtney:[Sad] "Me too." Sasha: "Samesies." [They go to their table and Lori feels really bad that she made them miss lunch. Suddenly she gets an idea]
[That evening the P-pines are in their cabin. Courtney reading a book and Jen looking through a traumatized Sasha's hair] Jen: "I swear, there are no more crabs." Sasha: "But I can still feel them." [Just then they hear the door open] Lori: "Any P-pines order double belchers?" [Lori holds up a to-go bag from Burpin' Burger] "Cause I made a Burpin' Burger run!" [The P-pines gasp] "Had to break the rules and leave camp after dark. But, who cares? Def not this lady." [Tosses them the burgers to her very excited campers] Courtney: "Yes!" [The girls start devouring their burgers as Lori gets out the fries] Sasha: "Wow, Lori, I can't believe you went and got these for us." [Courtney makes another porcupine sound] Courtney: "That's porcupine for you're the coolest." [Sasha and Jen get up and make more porcupine sounds in agreement. Lori is thrilled by this but tries to play it cool] Lori:[Clears her throat] "If you say so. I mean, not that it matters."
[Later, Lori is tucking Sasha in bed. Jen and Courtney are already tucked in] Lori: "So, did we like the burgers?" [Gets blasted with three ginormous belches. She pulls her hair out of her face, chuckling and fanning the air in front of her] "I'll take that as a yes." [Gets in bed] "Okay, time for lights out." Clicks off the lights, when suddenly…] Courtney: "Psst, Lori." [A groggy Lori turns the light back on and sees Courtney right in front of her face and yelps] "Hey, you know what we need after those burgers?" Lori: "Um, breath mints?" Courtney: "No, dessert!" Jen: "Yeah, I bet you there's a ton in the mess hall kitchen." Sasha: "Can we, pleeeeeease?" Lori: "Now, girls, that would mean leaving our cabin when we're not supposed to and sneaking into the mess hall, which is a major infraction." [The girls groan in sadness] "Which is why I'm totally loving the idea. Dessert, here we come!" [The girls cheer and get going. Lori sighs, wondering what her consequences are gonna be]
[Later, they are sneaking across the camp] Courtney: "This is so fun. Isn't it, Lori?" Lori:[Who doesn't quite think so] "Exactly what I was thinking. And not about the toilet scrubbing duty we're going to get for this." [She smiles nervously, hoping it does NOT happen.] [They reach the mess hall. Suddenly the door is opened from inside. Lori gasps and dives into the bushes. She peeks out, only for the girls to jump in right on top of her] Mr. Coconuts:[Exits the mess hall with Luan] "I'm sure glad I got some extra omelet flipping practice in before tomorrow's breakfast rush." Luan:[With eggs in her hair] "Yeah, well, you can still do some work." [Closes the door and locks it. They casually leave, not knowing they're not alone. The P-pines pop out of the bushes] Lori:[Seeing a way out of this] "Ah. The door's locked." [Sighs] "I guess we might as well go back to the cabin." Sasha:[Seeing a way in] "Or you could give us a boost up to that open window." [There is an open window not too high up] Lori:[Nervously chuckles] "Wow, my P-pines are just so resourceful, aren't they?"
[Later, Jen and Courtney catch Sasha as she drops down into the kitchen, they scatter. Lori pulls herself in and falls to the ground. She gets up and sees an easy target] Lori: "Aha! Who's up for granola bars? Talk about a perfect dessert, right? Delicious, nutritious, and so easy to carry, back to our cabin right now!" [Her P-pines, however, are a bit more ambitious] Courtney: "Ooh! A cotton candy maker!" [Turns it on] Sasha:[Brings chocolate syrup to the mixer and turns it on] "I feel like chocolate cake." Jen:[Goes to the freezer, which is full of ice cream] "I'm all about root beer floats." Lori:[Laughs even more nervously] "Wow, those ideas are so much better. Love cotton candy." [Tries to take the large bag of sugar that Courtney is holding] "Probably, don't need so much sugar." [The bag rips, dumping all its contents into the spinner, covering them both in cotton candy. Meanwhile Sasha is squeezing lots of chocolate syrup into the mixer] "Hey, so fun. Why don't we put the mixer on low?" [Turns the mixer down. Then sees Jen trying to balance three large tubs of ice cream and eight glass bottles of root beer] "Jen, be careful." [One of the bottles falls over. But instead of shattering it pops open and spews root beer in Lori's direction. Lori moves and Sasha ends up taking the hit] Sasha:[Smiling] "Hey, you did that on purpose!" [Squeezes more chocolate syrup at Jen as revenge. Jen puts down the tubs and grabs two handfuls of ice cream just as Sasha gets closer and sprays her again. Jen throws both scoops of ice cream, one hits Sasha the other hits Courtney, who is making a cotton candy beard] Courtney:[Wants in on this] "Oh, you're going down, Jen." [Throws a huge heap of cotton candy at the others. The girls start running all over the kitchen throwing dessert at each other] Lori:[Still doesn't wanna seem uncool] "Okay, girls." [Ducks under a chocolate stream] "Let's just take things down one little notch." [Dodges ice cream and cotton candy. Sasha jumps onto the hanging pots and squeezes more syrup, then dives before getting hit with more ice cream, which knocks all the clean pots into the floor. Courtney uses her sticky cotton candy to climb the wall] Lori "I said down a notch, not up!" [Jen is rapid firing ice cream. Lori ducks again. Courtney is dangling upside down from the roof and throws more cotton candy. Sasha dodges a whole tub of ice cream. The girls continue their food fight and Lori comes out of hiding to see what a huge mess their making of the camp's kitchen. She officially reaches her breaking point] Lori:[Gets up in a rage]"ENOUGH!!!"[The girls stop what they're doing. Lori opens the closet of cleaning supplies] "I want you guys to clean up this mess right now, and then we're going back to our cabin. [The girls try to say something; she cuts them off.] Without dessert!" Jen:[Suddenly groggy] "Can't we do it tomorrow? It's so late and we're so tired." Lori: "And I so don't care. Now." [The girls begrudgingly go to the closet and collect the supplies] Sasha: "And she's back to being uncool." [That still hurts Lori a little but she sucks it up] Lori: "You're right, Sasha. I am uncool, for trying to be cool. As your counselor, I'm here to make sure you have fun, but I'm also here to make sure you stay safe and be respectful campers. From now on, we're sticking to the rules. Cool or not. Understand?" [The girls nod and get to cleaning. Much to Lori's satisfaction]
[Later they finally return to their cabin, the girls really tired now] Lori: "Good work back there, girls. All right, time to hit the hay. [Later, the girls are back in their PJs and Lori tucks them in again] "Everybody, make sure to stay under those blankets. I don't want any of my P-pines catching a cold." [Jen and Courtney look at each other, touched by Lori's kindness. They nod at Sasha, who nods back as Lori tucks her in] Sasha: "Hey, Lori, we owe you an apology." Lori: "For what?" Jen: "For calling you uncool. We get that you're looking out for us." Courtney: "And we appreciate it." Lori: "Ah, thanks, girls. That means a lot. Now, let's get some shut eye. We don't want to be late for breakfast. Unless you all want to eat Chef Coconut's floor omelets." [The girls all laugh at the idea and go to sleep] Oh, and one more thing, girls." [Makes one last porcupine sound] "That's porcupine for one quick pillow fight before lights out!" [Hits Jen with her pillow. The other P-pines love the idea and they get going. However the real porcupine is sleeping in their window and gets knocked over. He gets up, angry again and gets ready to fire again] "Everybody hit the deck!" [They dive under the quills again. The episode ends.]
