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The following is a transcript for the episode "Tee'd Off."
Script[]
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The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
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[The scene starts inside the Casagrandes apartment, where the family are doing a deep clean of their living room. Bobby enters, holding a mop and wearing goggles.]
Bobby: "Good morning, Abuela. I got up super early to do my part for our big day of cleaning. I'm visiting Lori at her golf college today." [Squeezes a bottle of mustard onto the table and stars wiping.]
Rosa: "She'll be so happy to see you." [Annoyed] "And I'll be happy when you clean with soap instead of mustard."
Bobby: "Huh?" [He picks up his mustard-covered cloth.] "Aw, man. I'll go get the ketchup to get it out." [He leaves. Carl and Sergio enter.]
Rosa: "Carl, Sergio, you two are just in time for our dia de limpieza."
Sergio: "Cleaning day?" [Squawks] "I'm out!" [Tries to sneak out, but Carl grabs him.]
Carl: "He means... outside! Sergio and I would love to help out by cleaning the mercado van."
Rosa: "Now that's the spirit."
Carl: "Trust me." [They both leave.]
[Outside by the mercado van, Sergio is drinking coconut water.]
Sergio: [Slurps] "Ahh."
[He is revealed to be relaxing on a hammock with Carl, also having the same drink.]
Carl: "What'd I tell ya?" [They make a toast with their coconuts.] "Stick with me, my feathered friend."
[Suddenly, they get pummelled with two big suitcases. Bobby, at the back of the van, closes the doors and drives off. Sergio and Carl get up and groan, the former notices the van moving.]
Sergio: "Hey, we're on the move."
Carl: "Can't be worse than cleaning all day."
[They both grunt twice as the van drives over a pothole. The hammock twists up, trapping the duo inside.]
[The van arrives and parks at Fairway University. Bobby exits the van and opens the back doors, dropping Carl, Sergio, their coconuts, and the suitcases onto the ground. The former two groan in pain.]
Carl: [Waves guiltily] "What up, cuz?"
Sergio: [Squawks and waves] "Que pasa?"
Bobby: "Carl, Sergio? You're not supposed to be here. Abuela must be freaking out." [Brings out his phone] "I better call her."
Rosa: [On phone's screen] "Bueno. Let me guess. Carl and Sergio are with you."
Carl: [Pulls the phone towards him; moaning] "Abuela, we were scrubbing the van when Bobby just drove off against our will. Which is awful 'cause we really wanted to clean."
Sergio: [Squawks] "Heartbroken."
Rosa: "It's okay, mi'jo. Be good for Bobby. Oh, and Bobby, I put tamales in your bag."
Bobby: "Thanks, Abuela. I can't wait to--" [--It is revealed that Carl and Sergio are already eating the tamales.] "eat them."
[At the golf course, Lori swings her tee shot, when Bobby - trying not to be seen - tiptoes to her golf caddy.]
Bobby: "Lori's gonna be so surprised!" [He sprays perfume on himself and then - holding a bunch of flowers - hides inside her bag.]
Ewan: "Nice form, Lori. Looking good."
Lori: [Laughs] "Thanks to all the one-on-one time you've given me."
Bobby: [Heartbroken, breaking his flowers] "One-on-one time?-- Whoa!" [His golf bag wobbles and falls off the caddy, rolling him down the hill, right where Lori and Ewan are.] "Oh, oh, ow!" [His eyes roll, he shakes his head quickly and stares at Lori.] "Hey, Babe."
Lori: [Gasps] "Bobby?"
Bobby: [Gets up] "Yup, that's right." [To Ewan, fiercely] "Your boyfriend, Bobby." [To Lori, normally] "I came to surprise you. But enough about me," [Suspiciously to Lori] "Who's this guy?"
Lori: "This is my classmate Ewan."
Ewan: "You must be the famous [Smacks Bobby on his back] Poo Poo Bear I've heard so much about."
Bobby: [Rubbing his back; annoyed] "It's 'Boo Boo Bear'."
Lori: "Ewan's been helping me with my game. He's literally the best golfer here."
Bobby: "Nice! Helping how, exactly?"
Lori: "Oh, with techniques like this." [Imitates Ewan] "Grip the club tight, Lori. Widen your stance. You're doing great." [Laughs; Normal voice] "That's my impersonation of Ewan."
Ewan: "That is so me, Lori!"
[Ewan and Lori laugh]
Lori: "Right?"
Bobby: [Nervous laugh] "This is all so funny for me."
Ewan: "Lori's amazing. You're a lucky guy."
Bobby: "Thanks, Urine."
Ewan: "Ewan."
Bobby: "Urine, got it."
Lori: [Goes to hug Bobby] "I'm so excited you're here." [Points the other direction.] "Is that Carl and Sergio?"
[The camera pans to Carl and Sergio, relaxing on the hammock. They doff their sunglasses.]
Carl: "Hey, what up, Double L?"
Bobby: "Uh, they kind of invited themselves."
Lori: [Snatches the golf club] "Ooh, I wanna show you how much better my drive's gotten." [Nudges Ewan] "All thanks to Ewan."
Ewan: [Teasingly] "Oh, stop, Lori. You're making me blush."
Bobby: "Great, heh heh. But give me a sec to check on the boys." [Walking backwards] "Got to make sure they're behaving themselves." [To Carl and Sergio] "Did you guys see all that? I think that guy's into Lori. And she doesn't exactly seem to hate him either."
Carl: "You're right to worry. That dude is after your girl."
Sergio: [Squawks] "He's hot and you're... you."
Bobby: [Despairing] "Oh, this is awful. What do I do?"
Carl: "Relax. You just have to make him look like a chump."
Bobby: "You don't think that's kind of mean?"
Carl: "Huh, suit yourself. But don't come crying to me on their wedding day."
Bobby: [Shocked] "Wha?" [Fade to Bobby's imagination. As wedding music plays, Ewan puts a golf-ball style wedding ring on Lori's finger. She gasps. Both Ewan and Lori kiss together, while Bobby stands outside the church in tears and slowly slides down the window. Back to reality, where Bobby suddenly grabs Carl's collar in anger.] "I'll do whatever it takes!"
[At the cafeteria, Bobby, Sergio and Carl are chewing gum.]
Bobby: "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Sergio: [Squawks] "Trust me."
[He inflates a bubble from his gum and pops it. Just then, Lori and Ewan arrive holding trays of food.]
Lori: "Oh, Boo Boo Bear, come sit."
Bobby: "Coming, Babe."
[The trio blow their bubbles together, amalgamating into one big bubble.]
Carl: "Make sure it gets good and stuck."
Sergio: [Preparing to bat with a baseball bat] "Here comes the chicle!"
[He bats the bubble of gum. It breaks and sticks to Ewan's head.]
Ewan: "What the heck?"
[Tries to get it off with his hand, but it gets stuck too.]
Bobby: "Oh, no. The only way to get gum out is to cut it out."
Ewan: [Brings out an electric clipper] "No worries, I used to cut my own hair. Hope I still remember how to use these things." [Turns it on and uses it on his hair.]
[Cut to a close up of Ewan.]
Ewan: "Be honest, how bad does it look?"
[Dreamy music plays as the camera zooms out to Ewan's new hairstyle, which is squeaky clean and shiny. The girls look impressed.]
Lori: "That doesn't look bad at all. Literally, Ewan."
[The trio of Bobby, Carl and Sergio facepalm]
[Inside the classroom, Coach Niblick has written something on the blackboard.]
Coach Niblick: "Next up, one of the trickiest golf equations."
[A student passes a chalk to Ewan. Lori is sat on a desk, ahead of Bobby, Carl and Sergio.]
Carl: "Yeah, good luck." [Brings out a shaker of itching powder.] "Especially with itching powder in your chonies!" [He and Bobby laugh.]
Sergio: "Ew-in trouble."
Ewan: "Hmm..." [He strains and starts scratching himself. A cloud covers the screen.]
[We then see the math puzzle fully solved on the blackboard.]
Coach Niblick: "He solved it." [As the classmates applaud] "The crowd goes wild!"
Lori: [Gasps] "Yay!"
[Behind Lori, Bobby, Carl and Sergio facepalm]
[Outside at the golf course, Carl is practicing a putt, with Bobby having his eyes closed.]
Bobby: "None of that worked." [Opens them] "If anything, we made him look even better."
Carl: "Relax, cuz. If you really want to take down Ewan, you just have to beat him at his own game."
Bobby: "You mean golf? That's crazy talk. He's the best. I could never beat him."
Carl: "You just hit the ball and leave the rest to us."
[Carl putts the ball. It stops very close the hole. Sergio kicks it in. He and Carl laugh evilly.]
[The laughter transcends to Lori and Ewan. Just then, Bobby comes in.]
Lori: "Oh, Boo Boo Bear, there you are."
Bobby: "Babe, I just had a fantastic idea. I was thinking Ewan and I should have a friendly little golf competition, huh? To get to know each other better."
Lori: [Touched] "Aw, that's so sweet. But you don't play golf, Boo Boo Bear. And Ewan's undefeated."
Ewan: "Guilty as charged."
Bobby: "Then he can give me some pointers as we play."
Ewan: "Sure, I think I can swing that."
Lori: [Snaps fingers] "Ooh."
[They laugh again. Bobby laughs harder, unable to control his annoyed self.]
Bobby: "Well, may the best man have the highest score."
[They shake hands]
Ewan: "You mean lowest score."
Bobby: "Right. See, I'm learning already."
[Bobby practices a shot - his club is upside-down]
Ewan: "You might want to flip your club around. It's upside-down."
Bobby: "No, yours is upside-down. Watch!" [He swings and strikes the ball. It hits the flag-stick towards Sergio - hiding behind a tree - who baseball bats it back close to the hole. Carl, hiding behind a bush, whirs a fan, blowing the ball into the cup, making Bobby delighted.] "Yes!"
[A bubbly-eyed Lori grabs his arm.]
Lori: "O-M-Golf ball! You hit a hole-in-one on your first try, Bobby!"
Ewan: "Wow, guess I've got some competition."
[Ewan also swings, and scores a hole-in-one. Carl and Sergio witness what just happened.]
Sergio: "Helping Bobby might not be enough." [Squawks] "I have an idea." [Goes to a squirrel and a frog.] "Feel like a round of golf?" [They are unconvinced. Sergio offers a cracker box to try and encourage them.] "There's crackers in it for you." [The squirrel chitters and the frog croaks in excitement and nod their heads.]
[Bobby takes a swing - with his club the right way round. The ball goes high into the tree, but Sergio is also up there. He catches the ball with his baseball glove, and tosses it into the hole, leaving Ewan and Lori's mouth open. Ewan takes his swing. The frog - in the pond - sticks his tongue out to block the ball. It lands in the sand, causing him to snap his fingers in frustration. Bobby takes a putt. It stops very close to the hole, but is then pulled in - thanks to Carl's vacuum cleaner. Everyone else gasps. In the next hole, Ewan is about to take another shot, but the squirrel bites his leg.]
Ewan: "Gah!"
[The ball lands in the water, causing him to do a facepalm. We then see more scenes of Bobby's golf being helped, and Ewan's golf being handicapped. We then see Bobby celebrate.]
Bobby: "Yeah!"
[A student then talks to a group of students.]
Student #1: "Did you guys hear? Some newbie is giving Ewan a run for his money."
Student #2: "No way!"
Student #5: "Now this is what I gotta see!"
[The students run over to see the action, followed quickly by Coach Niblick, who eats the rest of his sandwich before joining. We then see a whole crowd of people watch Bobby, who spins around with pride and takes a shot. The frog tongues the ball into the cup, leading to cheers and applause from the crowd.]
Lori: "Yay!"
[Ewan then takes a simple putt. It goes in the hole, but is bounced back off - repeatedly. Inside the hole is the squirrel tossing the ball out of the hole. Ewan growls and puts his leg on the hole to block it, but gets struck on the head by his own ball, and gets knocked down on the ground.]
[At the 18th hole, Bobby pulls Lori with his club, taking a swing as he does so and gives her a kiss. We then see more in-play action with the frog bouncing the ball of the water, Carl controlling the ball with a drainpipe, and the squirrel heading the ball over a rock. It stops close to the hole. Sergio spits a blowpipe. The pellet hits the ball and goes in the hole, giving the crowd wild cheers and applause.]
Lori: "That's my Boo Boo Bear!" [Gives Bobby a big hug and kiss, landing on the ground as they do so. Bobby - covered in kisses, returns to taunt his opponent.]
Bobby: "Sorry, Ew-win, --but you lose."
[--Drops his club and offers a handshake.]
Ewan: [Defeated; Handshakes Bobby.] "Good game, Bobby."
Coach Niblick: "Good game, indeed! I haven't seen talent like that since ever!"
Bobby: "I guess I'm a natural." [Carl, Sergio and the squirrel show from their hiding places and express their delight by giving him a thumbs up. Bobby gives them a thumb up.]
Coach Niblick: "Any chance you'd join the team? We could use a new star player."
Bobby: "But Ewan's your star player."
Coach Niblick: [Annoyed look] "Well, he was." [to Ewan] "Ewan, we should have a little chat."
Ewan: "No need, Coach. After that game, I'm quitting golf. I guess I'll just move back home and work at my dad's toilet repair company."
Bobby: [Shocked] "Huh? Toilet repair company?"
Ewan: "Yeah, it's not so bad. At least I'll be closer to my girlfriend."
Bobby: [more shocked] "Girlfriend?"
Ewan: "Well, fiancé actually."
Bobby: [even more shocked] "Fiancé?!"
Lori: "I'm sorry to see you go, Ewan. Bobby, you could be on my team!" [Bubbly eyed] "Living here with me." [Grabs his arm] "This is so amazing."
Bobby: [Hesitant] "Uh, yeah, about that."
[Bobby's supporters all decline in protest.]
Bobby: "Aw, I can't join your team, Coach. And you can't leave, Ewan. And Lori, as much as I want to, I... I can't come to school here with you."
Everyone: "Why?"
Bobby: [torn by guilt] "Because... I cheated!" [Everyone gasps.] "Carl, Sergio, and those forest creatures helped me do it." [The camera pans to his supporters, all feeling guilty. The squirrel and the frog hide away.]
Carl: "Don't listen to him! Do I look like someone who would actually help Bobby?"
Bobby: [Goes over to Carl] "I'll prove it. This is what my real shot looks like." [He drops the ball and takes a swing. It bounces off the tree branch and aims towards the crowd. They scream and duck to dodge the incoming ball. It bounces off a rock, off the flagstick, and hits the back of Sergio's head, causing him to faceplant and eat dirt.]
Sergio: "Ow!"
Bobby: [goes to Lori] "You and Ewan were getting so close, I was afraid I'd lose you. So I made Ewan look bad. I'm so sorry, Lori... and Ewan... and everyone."
Lori: "Bobby, that's ridiculous. I love you so much, I would never leave you for Ewan. Or anyone."
Bobby: "Really?"
Lori: "Of course, Boo Boo Bear."
[They kiss each other, awwing the crowd.]
Ewan: "So, I'm not awful at golf then? I still got it?"
Coach Niblick: "Of course," [Chuckles] "I knew it all along. I was just kidding before." [Sits up and begs] "Please don't leave us, Ewan."
Ewan: "Relax, Coach. I'm not going anywhere."
[The crowd cheers.]
Carl: [Leaning on the ground with the club; To Sergio] "Told you my plan would work."
Sergio: [Squawks] "Delusional much?"
[He angrily snatches the club, causing Carl to fall over and groan.]
[At sunset, Bobby hugs goodbye to Lori back at the Fairway University entrance gate.]
Bobby: "I'll miss you so much, Babe." [Both of them are teary eyed.]
Lori: "Oh, I'll miss you even more, Boo Boo Bear."
[They kiss each other until Bobby's phone rings. He dials]
Bobby: "Hi, Abuela. We're just heading back."
Carl: [Snatching the phone; feigning sadness] "Abuela! We missed the whole day of cleaning. Oh, it's so sad!"
Rosa: "Cheer up, mi'jo." [Brings out a mop and bucket] "I saved your chores for you. Good luck getting out of it this time, muchachos."
Sergio: [Squawks] "I'm outta here!"
Carl: [Reaches out for Sergio] "Take me with you!"
Sergio: "Fore!" [Suddenly gets hit by a mid-air golf ball, falling to the ground.] "Ow! Nice birdie!"
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