The following is a transcript for the episode "The Hurt Lockers."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[Open inside the Royal Woods Middle School gym. Principal Ramirez and Meryl are having an assembly with the students.] Principal Ramirez:[On microphone] "And that concludes our assembly on water safety. Thank you for the demonstration, Meryl." [Meryl puts the raft and the paddle into her hair to the horror of Principal Ramirez.] "Oh, and one last bit of news. You may have noticed the massive sinkhole in the middle of the art hallway. But don't worry, the area is cleared and everybody's been accounted for." [Cut to the art hallway, where Mr. Bolhofner climbs out of the sinkhole] Mr. Bolhofner: "It's fine, nobody worry about me. Whoa!" [He yelps and falls back into the sink hole, and it cuts back to the gym.] Principal Ramirez: "While we patch it, Meryl will be directing traffic away from the worksite." [Meryl gets a stop sign and whistle from her hair and blows the whistle.] "Students with lockers in that area will be relocated and paired up. So, if that's you, please come see me for your new locker assignment. [The Action News Team gasps] Stella: "Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Zach: "That the sinkhole is actually a intergalactic portal that the school is trying to cover up? Stella: "Uh, no. That we should try and convince Principal Ramirez to let us share lockers!" [The friends agree] Liam: "Great idea, Stella!" Rusty: "As no-one has to fight over me." Lincoln: "Love that! Let's go see her, I've got a plan!"
[Lincoln is dressed up in his convincing suit in Principal Ramirez's office, and he is presenting a slideshow to her.] Lincoln: "And in summary, letting us share lockers will result in better Action News Team stories, improved classroom productivity, and a more streamlined lunch swap system. A-thank you." [Principal Ramirez shuts off the projector.] Principal Ramirez: "I gotta say, I was initially unconvinced. But by the 2,000th slide, you wore me down. Okay, here's what I'll do. I'll move a couple people around and I think we can make it work!" Lincoln: "Woo-hoo! Yes! Victory is ours!" [realises and clears throat] "I mean, thank you for your time, Principal Ramirez. You will not regret this."
[Across from a sign that says "NEW LOCKERS START HERE", Stella, Lincoln and Zach are looking in their lockers. Zach then shuts his locker.] Zach: "And Rusty and I now have a state-of-the-art security system. Guys, come check it out!" [Everyone else comes over to Zach's locker.] "This bad boy is souped up with voice recognition..." [He clears his throat.] "Open locker." [The locker recognizes his voice.] "Retina detector..." [He gazes at a scanner, and the locker scans his eye, recognizing him.] "Fingerprint reader..." [He places his finger on the scanner, and it detects him.] "And self-defense mode." [Zach opens the locker, which is fitted with a laser shooter. It demonstrates itself to his friends' admiration, and Zach shuts the locker.] Liam: "That sure is impressive! Now, come take a gander at what Steller and I got in our locker." [Stella carries Liam on her shoulders.] "What's a locker without a fine feathered friend?" [A hen lies in its nest on the top shelf, and it clucks.] Stella: "Which gave me a great idea for my science project: An egg collector!" [The hen lays an egg, which rolls onto a conveyor belt and lands safely inside an egg carton. The others gasp as Liam jumps off of Stella's shoulders.] "It doesn't get better than a locker-to-table breakfast." Clyde:[off-screen] "Did somebody say 'breakfast'?" [on-screen] "Because I made fresh-baked blueberry muffins!" [Clyde walks up holding up a basket of muffins, but then he gasps in horror at the sight of his and Lincoln's locker.] Lincoln: "I know what you're thinking, it's a little messy. But don't worry, I'm gonna fix it right up!" [Lincoln does some rapid rearranging of the locker.] "Ta-daa! What do you think?" [The locker is still a mess.] Clyde:[chuckles nervously] "I think I can't wait to tell Dr. Lopez about it." [Lincoln closes the locker, and he and the others head off to their separate classes.] Lincoln: "Alright, off to Bolhofner's!" Stella: "See you, Linc!" Rusty: "Catch you later!" [But Clyde stays behind and opens the locker. He frantically rearranges it again until it's clean and neatly organized.] Clyde: "Phew." [He closes the locker and walks away confidently.]
[Later that day, Rusty is brushing his hair at his and Zach's locker.] Rusty: "385, 386, 387--" Zach:[off-screen] "Rusty!" [He runs over panting breathlessly.] "I just need my math textbook. I'm already running late." Rusty: "Ugh, would you relax? I need to finish my five hundred daily brushes." Zach: "What? Five hundred?!" Rusty: "You think looking this good just happens? Now where was I? Ugh! [He points his hairbrush at Zach.] You messed me up, Zach, and now I gotta start over!" [He goes back to brushing his hair.] "One, two, three, four, five..." [Zach groans]
[Later, Clyde is carefully setting down a soufflé inside his and Lincoln's locker. He closes the door and smiles as Lincoln walks up.] Lincoln: "Hey Clyde, mind if I grab my gym clothes real quick?" Clyde: "Actually, I just set down a pretty fickle soufflé and it needs to rise. Any locker disturbance might deflate it." Lincoln: "Okay, so when will it be ready?" Clyde: "Not sure. Only the soufflé can tell us that." [His eyes light up, but Lincoln twitches his eye and then sighs.]
[Later, Liam is sweeping feathers outside of his and Stella's locker from the hen. Stella walks up.] Stella: "Hey Liam, Mr. Budden asked me to alter the Glee Club outfits. Have you seen my sewing needle?" Liam: "Uh, I think I saw it right before I set down a bundle of hay for the coop." [He opens the locker, and it is stuffed with hay. The hen flies out clucking, and Stella gasps.] Stella:[dejected] "Literally finding a needle in a haystack. Great."
[Next, Rusty is running down the hallway.] Rusty: "How many times are you gonna forget your Latin homework, Rustman?" [He screeches to a stop beside his and Zach's locker.] "Oh, right. Open locker." [But the security system buzzes and does not respond.] Security System: "WHINY NASAL VOICE NOT RECOGNIZED." [Rusty growls and tries the retina detector, but it does not work either. Now Rusty's eye he used is red.] "BLOODSHOT RETINA SCAN NOT RECOGNIZED." [Rusty angrily tries the fingerprint reader, but it too does not work.] "GREASY FINGERPRINT NOT RECOGNIZED." [Rusty shakes his head vigorously and begins angrily pounding and kicking on the security system.] Rusty: "ZACH! Open locker! Open locker!" Security System: "SELF-DEFENSE MODE ACTIVATED." [The locker opens and the laser shooter aims itself at Rusty.] Rusty: "Uh-oh." [The scene cuts to two students at their own locker. Suddenly, they notice as Rusty screams off-screen while the laser shooter blasts him.] "I'm alright."
[Clyde is sprinting down the hallway, then he reaches his and Lincoln's locker and opens it.] Clyde: "Book report, book report..." [He sees it stuck under a book.] "A-ha, there you are!" [Clyde grabs his book report, but as he pulls it out, several books fall in front of him. Clyde drops his book report and it lands inside Lincoln's magic hat.] "Oh no! Lincoln's magic hat!" [Clyde searches through and pulls out a pair of interlocking rings and a bouquet of flowers.] "Come on!" [Finally, he pulls out Charles, and he is eating the book report.] "Charles! Is that my book report?" [Charles breaks free and runs off, and Clyde follows him.] "Get back here!"
[Liam whistles as he approaches his and Stella's locker, and he opens it.] Liam: "Whoa! Well, hot dog!" [The hen has laid so many eggs and is stuck uncomfortably in the locker.] "What a bounty! Let's get these here eggs all scooped up!" [He notices Stella's machine is jammed.] "Doggone it, looks like a jam, and not the kind you put on biscuits, neither. Probably just needs a good jostle." [Liam smacks the machine, but the funnel begins creaking and overfilling.] "Oops. Fire in the hole!" [Liam ducks as the eggs shoot out of the locker. Down the hall, Stella is approaching.] Stella: "Huh?" [The eggs pelt Stella in the face, leaving her with two egg yolks over her eyes and six caught in her mouth. She frowns and groans.]
[Later in the cafeteria, the six friends are sitting at a table, feeling upset. Rusty even has a bald patch in his hair from where the laser blasted him and Stella has feathers and egg yolk from the eggs earlier.] Lincoln: "Okay, I'm just gonna say it: I don't think this locker sharing thing is working." Stella: "But what can we do? We're the ones who got ourselves into this mess." Lincoln: "Wait, and we are the ones who can get us out! I've got an idea!"
[Lincoln is dressed up in his convincing suit in Principal Ramirez's office again, and he is presenting a new slideshow to her.] Lincoln: "'2,000 Reasons Why We Should be Allowed to Switch Locker Partners Again Because Our Current Situation is Not Working Out'." [The screen pans to the rest of the Action News Team with their mishaps, and Stella coughs out some feathers. Lincoln presses a button, and the second scene shows him as a baby.] "Prologue: As a young child--" [Principal Ramirez shuts off the projector again.] Principal Ramirez: "Okay, okay!" [She hides the projector.] "I'll let you switch, but this is the last time. Though, it's going to take some very detailed planning." [She gets an idea.] "Meryl, bring in the locker reassignment system." [Meryl hurries in and grabs a bingo cage from her hair. She spins the cage rapidly, then she pulls out some balls.] Meryl: "Okay kids, pick a number!" [Everyone grabs one; off-screen] "Alright, thanks for playing, y'all!" [chuckles]
[Later, Lincoln, who is back in his normal outfit, tries to find his new locker, which the number is...] Lincoln:[nervously] "Locker 34." [jumps in fright and becomes annoyed when he realizes his locker partner is none other than...] "Chandler?" Chandler: "Well, well! If it isn't Lincoln Lame! You must be my new locker buddy." [Starts rough-housing Lincoln by using one of his hands to rub the white hair, and Lincoln is angry.] "Let's see if you'll last longer than my last one." [The camera shifts right to show that Chandler has pulled a wedgie to his old locker partner. His pants are pulled way up to his head and that locker partner is walking away in shame.] "Still stuck like that, huh? What's it been, three hours?" Classmate: "Three days!" [groans and walks to the principal's office] [Lincoln gulps in fear, as he knows he can't survive with Chandler.]
[Zach walks down the hallway to Locker 38. He opens the locker and finds it empty.] Zach: "Aw, sweet! Guess I have this one all to myself!" Lynn:[offscreen] "Incoming!" [She roller skates into Zach and knocks him into the locker.] "Welcome to the Lynn-der Dome! Hope you don't mind a little sweat stink!" [She grabs a duffel bag filled with her stinky socks and tosses it in front of Zach. He gags and holds in a barf.]
[Stella approaches her new locker and runs into Chef Pat.] Stella: "Chef Pat? You have a locker here?" Chef Pat: "Yeah. Where else am I gonna keep my meat when the freezer is full?" [She pounds on the door and the locker opens. It is filled with frozen meats and Stella shivers.] "Help yourself to any open hooks." [Stella hangs her backpack on an empty hook, but it is instantly frozen to her shock. She groans.]
[Rusty approaches his new locker, but he finds it is damaged.] Rusty: "Well, this is me. Huh? Why is this locker so destroyed?" [The locker opens and Crikey the kangaroo comes out wearing boxing gloves. He punches Rusty so hard that he is sent flying backward into a wall in pain. He stands up in extreme dizziness.] "That's why." [He shakes his head and angrily walks up to Crikey.] "Why does a mascot even need a locker?" [Crikey kicks Rusty with both feet and cackles.]
[Liam approaches his new locker and opens it, but Jenna comes up behind him and frightens him.] Jenna: "You must be Liam! My name is Jenna, I'll be your partner. Welcome to our locker. Yeah! Our locker." [She does a backflip and lands on top of her cheerleader friends.] Cheerleaders: "Go, locker buddies!" Liam: "That's mighty kind of ya. Well, this ain't so bad." [He puts a book inside the locker, and the cheerleaders begin cheering.] Cheerleaders: "Put the books inside! Put, put the books inside!" [Liam grins in embarrassment and begins to close the locker.] "Now close the locker! Close, close the locker!" [Liam closes the locker and walks off in annoyance as the cheerleaders follow him, still cheering.] "Left foot, right foot. We're walking, we're walking! Okay, we're walking!"
[Clyde approaches his new locker, and upon opening it, he finds a bunch of cat things.] Clyde: "Hey, a fellow cat person." [A growling noise is heard. Clyde looks up and notices Andrew in a cat suit sitting on top of the lockers. He licks his arm just like a cat.] "Oh, Andrew. Still rocking that cat onesie. That's, uh, cool. At least you keep an organized locker." [He tries to put a book inside, but Andrew swats it away and hisses.] "Andrew, no! Bad kitty!" [Andrew gets angry and jumps down, chasing Clyde.]
THE NEXT DAY [The Action News Team approaches the hallway with their new lockers, with Rusty wearing a pasta strainer on his head and a pillow tied around his chest. Lincoln is looking nervous while everyone else is determined.] Lincoln: "I know yesterday seemed bad, but today's a new day. We got this!" Liam: "Yeah, we got this." [He begins cheering to Clyde and Zach's surprise.] "We, we, we got this!" [realizes] "Oh, dang it. Now them cheerleaders got me doin' it." Stella: "Good luck, everyone. Be safe out there." [Everyone nods.] [Rusty glances around and approaches his and Crikey's locker, holding a book to his face as a shield.] Rusty: "I'm ready for you, Crikey." [He nervously opens the locker, but he finds Crikey is not inside it.] "Huh, guess Crikey learned not to mess with the ol' Rustman." [Crikey kicks Rusty from behind, knocking off his protective gear. Lincoln helps him up.] Lincoln: "Oh, you okay? Oof, want an ice pack? I have one in my locker." [Lincoln opens his and Chandler's locker, but Chandler has booby-trapped it. A bucket of purple gunk spills all over Lincoln and Rusty, and Chandler laughs at them. They walk over to Zach.] Lynn:[offscreen] "She shoots, she scores!" [She shoots a hockey puck at them.] Zach: "Duck!" [The puck narrowly misses Lincoln's head, hitting Zach and Lynn's locker. The door falls off, and Lynn's sports balls roll out. The three boys end up running on top of them as they roll straight into Stella at hers and Chef Pat's locker. She gets caught in the meat rotisserie and is launched onto the sports balls as well. The four of them helplessly roll down the hallway.] [At his and Andrew's locker, Clyde opens the door and has cat litter kicked in his face by Andrew. He loses his balance and is hit by the runaway ball, knocking all five of them to the ground.] Liam:[He runs over to his friends.] "Oooh-ee!" [He trips on a tennis ball and lands on the dogpile.] Cheerleaders:[They flip into the scene and launch the Action News Team into the air.] "Ready, okay!" [They form a pyramid and begin juggling the Action News Team.] "Up in the air like birds in the sky, Liam and his friends are flying high!" [They launch them into a strand of caution tape.] [The Action News Team sits in pain on the patched-up sinkhole, but then the floor begins to crack.] Lincoln:[gasps] "We landed on the patched-up sinkhole!" [They all jump and try to run away...] "Run!" [But they are too late. The floor opens up again, and the six of them fall inside the sinkhole.] Liam: "I was wrong." [He begins cheering again.] "We don't got this. We, we, don't got this!" [They all groan, realizing that their new locker partners are even worse than when they were paired with each other.]
[The Action News Team are in Principal Ramirez's office again, and they are about to present another new slideshow to her. But before Lincoln can say anything, Principal Ramirez stops him, knowing where this is going.] Principal Ramirez: "I'm going to stop you before the words '2,000 Reasons' and 'slideshow' come out of your mouth. I can't change your lockers back. Not only have I moved you twice, but you reopened the sinkhole! Now, if you'll excuse me," [gets her phone out] "I have to call the contractors again!" [The Action News Team sadly walk out of Principal Ramirez's office. They walk past Meryl, who looks sad for them at first, but then she gets an idea.] Stella: "I can't believe we're stuck with this terrible locker situation." Liam: "And for even longer now, since they have to start the sinkhole repair all over again." Clyde: "It's our own fault. When we were paired up, we should've learned to work together and compromise." [sighs] Meryl: "I might be able to help y'all out, sugar snaps. There is one more empty locker in the school: Mine!" [The Action News Team look at each other, confused.] Lincoln: "But don't you need it for your stuff?" Meryl: "Nope. Everything I need is right up here". [She grabs a pile of stuff from her hair, including a toaster.] "See?" [Toast pops out of the toaster.] Everyone: "Whoa!" Rusty: "You must have a strong neck." Meryl: "Ha-ha, I sure do, kittens." [She puts the stuff back inside her hair.] "Now, it's only one locker that y'all would have to share." [The Action News Team look at each other, worried, except Lincoln.] Lincoln: "I think we can make it work this time." [Everyone smiles in agreement.] "Right, everybody?"
[Later, the six friends have taken up Meryl's locker. Rusty is brushing his hair.] Rusty: "38, 39... You know what, I can skip the other 460. Liam, you're up." [Stella carries Liam on her shoulders to the hen.] Liam: "Why, thank you, Rust. Here, here, chick-chick." [He feeds the hen, then she clucks happily and lays another egg which rolls into Stella's hand.] Stella: "Here, Clyde." [She hands the egg to Clyde.] "You can probably use this for your méringue." Clyde: "So thoughtful. Your turn, Lincoln." [The three of them walk off while Lincoln steps up to the mirror.] Lincoln: "Guys, this is working perfectly!" [He grabs his magic hat and wand, and a dove flies out of the hat. But it and the hen begin screeching at each other, and Zach's security system aims the laser shooter at the dove and Lincoln.] Security System: "INTRUDER DETECTED. LASER MODE ENGAGED." Zach:[runs up] "Whoops, still working out our security system. Run!" [Zach and Lincoln run away, and the scene cuts to outside the school. The laser shooter blasts a large hole through the window, and the episode ends.]
