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The following is a transcript for the episode "The Last Laugh."
Script[]
[Open at the Loud house. Luan is at the top of the stairs shuddering in fear as Lola drives donuts in the upstairs hallway] Lisa:[Comes upstairs and notices Luan] "If you are once again lost allow me to point out that your bed chamber is right over there." Luan: "I know that. I'm just afraid to cross because…" [Lola whizzes by again] Lisa: "Ah, I see Lola's still at it. Now that pageant season is over all the energy she put into walking and waving has nowhere to go. Yesterday she glammed Grouse." [Flashback to that day. Mr. Grouse blows his hair from his face. End flashback] Mr. Coconuts: "Just go for it, we have a lot of rehearsing to do." Luan: "It's too dangerous, Mr. Coconuts." Mr. Coconuts: "I'm not gettin' any younger, kid. Check out the rings in my neck." Luan: "Okay." [Lola drives away from Luna and Luan's room] "Here goes." [Goes for it, but Lola doubles back. A collision is heard. The dust settles, the girls are fine, Luan clinging to the wall, but Lola's jeep and the bathroom door are in bad shape. Luan holds up an empty hand and sighs] "That was a close one, Mr. Coconuts." [Realizes she's just talking to her own hand and screams in horror. Mr. Coconuts is lying mangled on the floor, a few of his limbs scattered] "Mr. Coconuts?" [Holds him while Lola hides behind her jeep out of guilt] Mr. Coconuts: "Is that you, Uncle Woody? Your boy Coconuts is coming home." Luan: "Oh, stay with me, Mr. Coconuts! Please! Somebody call pine-one-one!" [To her dying dummy] "Sorry, I couldn't resist." Mr. Coconuts: "No, that was good." [Coughs and passes out] Luan:[Runs down stairs panicking] "MOM! DAD! I NEED A RIDE TO THE WOODSHOP! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" [Upstairs, Lola and Lisa reflect on the situation] Lola: "It wasn't my fault, Lisa. You saw it right? He came out of nowhere." [Lisa just stares at her] "This hallway is full of blind spots."
2 HOURS LATER [Luan returns from the woodshop] Lola: "How's Mr. Coconuts?" Luan: "He's out of surgery. Dr. Ted soldered his leg back on and said he'd be as good as new with a little sanding and some primer." Lola: "Oh, thank goodness. I'm sorry for hitting him with my car. Allegedly." Luan: "There's just one problem. Mr. Coconuts is gonna be at the shop for a few days, but we booked a party. They're expecting a ventriloquist act, and I don't know what to do." [Moves her hand like a mouth] "Me talking like this just seems a little weird." Lola: "Well, you've done weirder. Anyway, I wish I could help, but I've got another glam sesh with Mr. Grouse at 4:30. Bye." [walks away] Luan:[Gets an idea] "You can help me. You can be my new dummy." Lola:[pauses at the stairs and chuckles sarcastically. She turns to face her] "Sweetie, Lola Loud is no one's dummy." Luan: "See? You made a joke already. You know, I wouldn't be in this situation if you hadn't splintered Mr. C's femur all over the hallway." Lola: "Allegedly. Look, how 'bout I cover his medical bills, up to one hundred dollars?" [Goes upstairs] Lola:[Knows one way to convince Lola] "Huh. Guess I'll just find someone else to perform with me. To a packed house." Lola: "A packed house? You mean people really come to your shows?" Luan: "Yup, and this time it would be your show, just like your pageants. You'd be the star." Lola:[Slides back downstairs] "'You'd be the star' is my favorite sentence ever!" [Jumps in Luan's hand] "You got yourself a dummy!"
[Luan and Lola perform for a kids birthday party] Luan: "Boy, I sure am thirsty, Princess Sassypants." [Luan drinks some water, suddenly, Lola's mouth fills up and she spits out water] Lola: "Hey! You trying to drown me or something? Holy mackerel, I'm no carp." [The audience laughs and cheers. Luan and Lola take a bow. Lola blows kisses] Luan: "That was incredible. Looks like they love you."
[Later, they return home and Luan receives numerous texts] Luan: "Look at all these texts for party requests! I've never gotten so many in one day before." Lola: "I'm not surprised. We slayed." Luan: "Does this mean you might be interested in doing these other shows with me?" Lola: "Are you kidding? Today was such a rush! All the applause and adulation I've been missing. I'm totally in." [Goes to her and Lana's room] "Eunice! Listen to this!" [Luan gets a phone call] Luan: "Funny Business LLC. You bring the money, I bring the funny. Luan speaking." Dr. Ted: "This is Dr. Ted at the wood shop. I'm happy to report Mr. Coconuts has made a full recovery and is ready to be discharged." Luan: "Oh, that's great news. I'll be by to pick him up-" Lola:[Walks by talking to Eunice] "..and then the crowd cheered so long, we bowed four times, Eunice! Four times!" Dr. Ted: "Uh, Luan?" Luan: "Oh, sorry Dr. Ted. Um, I'll be by, uh, soon." [Hangs up and thinks]
[Luan and Lola do a gig at Sunset Canyon. They do their water bit and bow. Back at the house, Luan is watching TV when she gets another call from Dr. Ted. She picks up her phone, but declines. Lola jumps into Luan's arm and they head off. They perform for another birthday, this time Luan pies Lola and Lola pies Luan back, they laugh, as do the kids. Back at the house, Luan is about to dive into some leftover casserole when she gets another call from Dr. Ted. She shoves her phone into the casserole and closes the fridge. Luan and Lola appear on the morning show with Katherine Mulligan, they do their water bit again. Katherine laughs so much she falls out of her seat. They do another gig in the park with the pie and so much laughter. Next, they are finishing another gig. Finally they are outside The Chortle Portal, looking at a poster of them] Luan: "I can't believe we're headlining The Chortle Portal! I've performed here a million times but I've never been the main act." Lola: "Ooh! Let's take a selfie of us with our poster." [They are about to, but Luan's memory is full] Luan: "Oops, hang on my memory is full, I just need to delete a few pictures." [Luan sees one of herself and Mr. Coconuts, she feels a bit guilty but deletes it, and another one of them on a swing, and doing the water bit, and one of a really young Luan hugging Mr. Coconuts, Luan cringes with guilt one more time but deletes the photo. She and Lola take their selfie]
[Later, Luan and Lola return to the house] Luan: "Since this is gonna be such a big gig, I was thinking that instead of drinking water, I could eat pizza and have you spit it out." Lola: "Make it ham and pineapple and I won't even be acting." [chuckles and retches] [The two laugh as they enter the house. They enter the very dark living room and freak out from what they see. Mr. Coconuts has returned] Luan: "Mr. Coconuts, how did you get home?" Lynn Sr.:[Turns the lights on] "Oh, hey, kiddo. why is it so dark in here? I passed the wood shop on my way home and picked up Mr. C for you." Luan: "How thoughtful." [The girls nervously approach Mr. Coconuts] Lola: "Nice to see you up and about, Mr. Coconuts. Sorry about the whole running over you thing, allegedly. I'll leave you two to catch up. I gotta practice spitting pepperonis." [Leaves and Luan takes Mr. C into her hands] Luan: "Oh, it's great to see you Mr. Coconuts. How are you feeling?" Mr. Coconuts: "Like one of Lynn's crusty socks left on the floor. Were you ever gonna pick me up, toots?" Luan: "Oh, I'm sorry. I've been super busy." Mr. Coconuts: "Oh, I know. Your dad told me. You and Lola are the hot new comedy team in town." Luan:[Gulps] "He did?" Mr. Coconuts: "Chortle Portal, huh?" Luan: "Boy, Dad sure likes to flap his gums. Listen, I can explain." Mr. Coconuts: "No need to, doll. You've hit the big time, I'm really happy for you." Luan: "You are?" [Mr. Coconuts gives a thumbs up] "So… we're good?" Mr. Coconuts: "Good as gold, kid." [Luan smiles]
[Luan and Lola are both in Luan's room rehearsing while Mr. Coconuts watch them] Lola: "Great run-through Luan, I love the improv at the end. Okay gotta go, talk to you later." [Lola leaves] Luan:[Stands up and picks up Mr. Coconuts] "So, now that you've seen Lola and me rehearsing, what do you think of our act?" Mr. Coconuts: "Ah, nothing I haven't seen before." Luan: "Oh. You usually love those kind of jokes." [Sits down on her beanbag] "Anyway, wait 'till you see the new dress I got Lola for the show." Mr. Coconuts:[Sarcastically] "Oooh, can't wait. Fun Fact, I have been wearing the same seersucker suit for two years, but whatever." Lola:[Shouting] "AHHH, SOMEBODY COME QUICK!" [Luan, Mr. Coconuts, Lisa, and Todd hear her and rush to her room] Lisa:[Worrying] "Sorry, I was only storing that drum of nuclear waste in here so it wouldn't bother Lily." Lola:[Rummaging through her closet, not aware that the underside of her bed is glowing] "What are you talking about?" Lisa:[Puts Lola’s blanket higher on her bed] "W-w-wait, what are you talking about?" Lola" "This!" [Shows her new dress with stains all over it. Everybody gasps] "Something spilled all over my new dress, it's ruined." [Sniffs the dress] "It smells like wood varnish." Mr. Coconuts "What a weird thing to happen."
[Luan and Mr. Coconuts are sitting on their bed] Lola:[Comes in the room] "Ready to rehearse partner?" Luan: "You bet. I just need to get the chocolate mousse pies out of my portable fridge." Lola: "You made chocolate mousse pies? Aww, its so sweet of you to hit me in the face with my favorite dessert." Mr. Coconuts[Upset] "I'll say, I've been asking for key lime pies for half my life but who's keeping score." [Luan nervously smiles, she opens the fridge and she and Lola gasp seeing that all the pies have been smashed] Luan: "All the pies are smashed. I don't understand. How did this happen?" Mr. Coconuts[Sarcastic again] "Aw, what a shame. A mishap like this could totally derail your show at the Chortle Portle."
[Later, Luan is getting a drink from the fridge] Luan:[Drinks] "Ah. Perfect for dribbling." Mr. Coconuts: "Isn't the triple glass bit a little overdone?" Luan: "What? you used to love it. Besides, Lola…" Mr. Coconuts: "Of course, 'Princess Steal My Job', thinks it's hilarious." [Suddenly, they hear Lola scream again from outside. They go and see] Lola: "Someone took all the tires off my ride!" [Her car's tires have been stolen] "How will we get to the show tonight?" Luan: "Uh, maybe Dad can drive us." Lola: "Arriving on the red carpet in Vanzilla?" [Retches] "But it's not just that, Luan. The dress, the pies and now the tires, if I didn't know better I'd say someone doesn't want us to do the show." Luan: "I think you're right, and I know who it is… Mr. Coconuts!" [Holds him up, he gasps] Lola:[Also gasps] "Of course. Wait. Aren't you Mr. Coconuts?" [Luan doesn't have a clue what Lola's talking about] Luan: "What? Why would you think that?" Mr. Coconuts:[Also has no clue] "Do you know what she's talking about?" Luan: "No, i don't know what she's talking about." Lola:[Slightly disturbed] "I'm gonna give you two a moment alone." [Leaves] Luan: "You win Mr. Coconuts, I know you've ruined the dress smash the pies and stole the tires." Mr. Coconuts: "But I…" Luan: "No, I get it you felt replaced by Lola and betrayed by me. Well don't worry, Lola and I won't perform anymore, I'll cancel the Chortle Portal show." [Just then, a mound of dirt hits Luan in the back of the head. Lisa and Todd come out from behind the shed with shovels] "Lisa? Todd? What are you two doing behind the garage?" Todd: "Definitely not burying nuclear waste." Lisa: "Luan, I overheard your conversation. Mr. Coconuts is not the culprit sabotaging your act with Lola." Luan: "He's not? Then who is?" Lisa: "Leave the dummy and follow me." [Luan puts Mr. Coconuts down and follows]
[In Lisa and Lily's room, they are at the latter's crib] Lisa: "Okay Lily, you know the drill." [Lily agrees. She lies down, puts a seatbelt on, and gives a thumbs up. Lisa presses a remote and the mattress is turned upside down. A screen pops out of the underside and unfolds] Luan: "Woah." Lisa: "I saw the sabotage happening and I developed a theory. To test it, I installed some cameras last night and no surprise they have proven me correct. The saboteur is... you." Luan:[Gasps] "Me!?" Lisa:[Turns the screen on] "Observe." [Last night in the backyard, the tires are being removed from Lola's car. It is Luan doing it while she's asleep] Luan: "I was sabotaging my own act in my sleep? But why would I do that?" Lisa: "In a word, guilt." [Hits the remote again, closing the screens and bringing Lily back] Lily:[giggles] "Again!" Lisa: "Oh, believe me, I understand. When I built Todd, it lessened my time with Mr. Reinforced Alloy Titanium Arms, I felt really bad about that." Luan: "I do feel bad about ditching Mr. C." Lisa: "Oh I know, but it's okay to grow, Luan. I may work with Todd more now." [Opens her closet and unburies Mr. Reinforced Alloy Titanium Arms] "But that doesn't mean I can't still hang out with old Alloy Arms." Mr. Reinforced Alloy Titanium Arms: "HELLO, LISA. CAN WE BURY NUCLEAR WASTE TOGETHER?" Lisa: "Well, Todd and I just did that but, uh… Wanna help me clone Charles later?" Mr. Reinforced Alloy Titanium Arms: "OH, GOODY." Luan: "So, just because I'm working with Lola doesn't mean I have to be done with Mr. Coconuts?" Lisa: "Precisely. Hopefully Lola and Mr. C will get along as well as Mr. Reinforced Alloy Titanium Arms and Todd do." Mr. Reinforced Alloy Titanium Arms: "WE ARE BEST BUDS." Luan: "Oh, thanks for all your help Lisa, I need to find Lola and Mr. Coconuts." [Runs off]
[That night, at the Chortle Portal, everyone is laughing as Luan and her two dummies all spit out water] Luan: "That's our show folks. [Everyone cheers, including Lisa and her two robots] "Give it up for Princess Sassypants and Mr. Coconuts." [Everyone cheers] Lola: "Really glad you're back, Mr. C. When pageant season starts up I won't be available as much so, you'll be on your own again." Mr. Coconuts: "Oh, you can perform with us any time, toots." Lisa: "Whelp, that really whelms the old myocardium. Looks like Lola and Mr. C are friends, just like you two." [Suddenly the chandelier above Todd glitches and drops, Todd moves just in time] Todd: "GASP. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF TODD." Mr. Reinforced Alloy Titanium Arms: "OH MY. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A SHAME." [Squints with a twinge of distain. The end]
