The following is a transcript for the episode "The Loudly Bones."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[It's nighttime at the Loud house, with most of the siblings watching The Dream Boat with all their attention] Dream Boat Announcer: "Welcome back to our Dream Boat reunion show, when the dream becomes a nightmare." [Someone screams. Just then, Lisa enters the front door] Lisa:[Carrying a large bone] "Siblings, I have colossal news! I may have unearthed a dinosaur bone in our front yard!" [Lisa's siblings don't even notice her] Dream Boat Announcer: "Next, we'll reveal which colt was accidentally kidnapped by pirates." [Lisa's siblings are more interested in The Dream Boat] Lisa:[Sarcastically] "Yeah, I love mind-numbing reality TV just as much as the next cranially endowed first grader but this is a dinosaur bone! In our yard!" [Her siblings are still mesmerized by the TV. Lisa groans. Suddenly, Charles barks and takes the bone from Lisa] "Charles, no. Get back here!" [Chases Charles upstairs]
[In her room, Lisa has caught Charles, who lets go of the bone] Lisa: "Todd, initiate cleaning protocol." [Without saying anything, Todd blasts Lisa with a water pump sending her flying into the wall] "Not me, the bone." Todd: "IN MY DEFENSE, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN MORE CLEAR." Lisa: "Anyway, there's only one way to find out how old this bone is, and that is to radiometrically date it." [Takes a bedsheet off a radiometric scanner. She notices an odd white paste on the start button] "What? Huh?" [Blows the paste off and turns the scanner on. Todd places the bone inside the chamber, the machine does its scan. The screen flips through eras and deduces that the bone is really, really old. The species is unknown. Lisa gasps] "Todd, not only is this a real prehistoric bone, it's from an unknown species. Could I, Lisa Loud, PhD, MD, DDS, CPA, Esquire, have discovered a new type of dinosaur?" [Full of excitement, Lisa spins Todd around and takes a selfie of the situation] "My siblings may not appreciate this discovery but the subscribers of my monthly newsletter certainly will." [Types her caption] "Yo, fellow brainiacs, just found this new bone. You jelly?" [Finishes] "And send." [Almost instantly, Lisa starts trending] "Oh, wow. Now, this is the appreciation I've been looking for." [Puts her phone away] "Todd, initiate celebration protocol." [Todd blasts Lisa with a confetti cannon, sending her flying right back where she landed the last time. She coughs up some confetti]
[The next day, Lisa wakes up to a sound, she puts on her glasses and finds Charles gnawing on her bone again] Lisa: "Gah! Charles!" [Wakes her robot] "Todd, wake up." [Todd wakes up and tries to grab Charles, but Charles leaps away. Todd manages to get the bone and he and Charles fight over it. Lisa helps Todd pull. Suddenly the bone breaks into three pieces, sending everyone flying back] "What in Darwin's beard? Dinosaur bones don't just crack like that." [Realizes something about each piece] "A turkey bone, a goose bone and a chicken bone? These aren't from the Mesozoic era!" [Flashback to last year's Thanksgiving. Lana and Charles have finished gorging on Lynn Sr.'s turgooseon, much to Lynn Sr.'s horror and Rita's disapproval.] "They're from Dad's Thanksgiving turgooseon!" [End of flashback. Lisa sighs] "Charles must have buried them in the yard and they fused together." [Realizes something else] "Uh-oh, that would mean my dating machine was wrong. What could have caused that?" Lana:[Enters the room] "Hey there, Lisa, BTDubs, I may have used your machine yesterday to test some old cream puffs I found near the basement heater. They were 20 years old. And delicious." [Suddenly her stomach disagrees with her] "Sorry about the crumbs, gotta go." [Dashes to the bathroom] Lisa:[Gasps] "My machine!" [Lisa runs and checks the insides of the machine, which spits old cream puff cream all over her. Todd pulls her out] "Todd, I need to dictate an email for immediate release." [Todd extends a microphone and puts Lisa down. Lisa clears her throat] "Dear fellow scientists, due to an unfortunate cream puff incident, I regret to inform you that my latest discovery-" Lincoln:[Offscreen] "Lis!" [Comes to Lisa's door] "Look out your window!" [Lola, Luna and Luan bump into him] "Something's going on outside." [Lisa looks and gasps. The front lawn is covered with news reporters. Lisa cringes] Lisa:[Knowing what this is about, gasps] "Great raptor! They must be here about the dinosaur bone." [Runs out, leaving her family a little confused] Lola:[Gasps, doesn't even remember Lisa trying to tell them] "What? When did you find a dinosaur bone?" [Lisa opens the front door and is immediately blinded by the flashing cameras. Katherine Mulligan pulls Lisa out] Katherine: "I'm Katherine Mulligan, here with Lisa Loud, the pint-sized genius who discovered a dinosaur bone in her front yard. Tell us, Lisa, what are your thoughts on this new species that I've already dubbed, Loudasaurus?" [Gives Lisa the microphone, followed by two more reporters and a television crew] Lisa: "Uh, the thing is… is… uh…" [Suddenly, someone pushes the microphones away] Dr. Alvarez: "Dr. Loud doesn't have any further comments at this time." [The microphones leave] Lisa:[Relieved] "Ah, thanks for the assist, there..." Dr. Alvarez: "Dr. Alvarez." Lisa: "As in, the paleontologist from the Royal Woods Museum?" [Grabs the doctor's hand and shakes it in excitement] "I loved your paper on dinosaur dung, 'Fun with Fecal Fossils.'"
Dr. Alvarez:[Lets go of her grasp and chuckles] "You're too kind. You know, Lisa, the museum also operates its own television network. How would you like to have your very own show?"
Lisa:[Gasps] "My own show?"
Dr. Alvarez: "Your story is very compelling. A 5-year-old who found a dinosaur bone in her yard? Exciting stuff."
Lisa:[Nervously] "Okay, um, I should clear something up--"
Dr. Alvarez: "The show would be broadcast everywhere." [She puts her arm up, but Lisa tries to protest by putting it down] Lisa: "Yeah, I understand, but I really must--"
Dr. Alvarez: "You'd have the opportunity to get children from all over the world interested in science."
[Lisa suddenly realizes what she meant and becomes excited] Lisa: "Interested in science, you say?" [Dr. Alvarez nods] "Uh, could you give me a moment-- to consult with my associate?" [--Dr. Alvarez' smile disappears][Lisa presses a button on her remote. Her robot, Todd appears; Whispering] "Todd, it seems my erroneous discovery has lead to some unforeseen benefits."
Todd: "BUT ARE YOU OKAY WITH BEING A LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ARE ON FIRE?" [Lisa covers Todd's mouth] Lisa: "Look, I see the irony of lying about science to get other kids into science. But in this case, the ends justify the means."
Dr. Alvarez: "Dr. Loud, have you made a decision?"
Lisa: "Let's do this, Doc!" [They shake hands] [A Montage plays. We see Lisa and Todd dancing on the floor styled as a periodic table. The caption FACTS MATTER with Lisa Loud! appears in front of the screen. The camera zooms out to reveal two children watching the show's intro from their home] Boy and Girl: "Oh, cool!"
[In the next scene, Lisa pours a green chemical from her test tube onto Lily, sat on the desk. She laughs. The green stuff sticks to her head and explodes. After a green cloud clears the screen Lily's hair covers her entire face. Next we see Geo on the desk with a laser facing him. Lisa presses the button on her remote. The laser activates and zaps, lighting up the whole screen. The hamster and his ball have grown to the size of about half the room. Afterwards we see Lana strapped to a rocket facing upwards wearing her helmet. Lisa pushes a button on her computer. The rocket blasts off and breaks a hole in the ceiling.] Lana: "Whoa!"
[Lisa covers her ears from the collision, then she smiles as Lana is seen flying freely. She cuts in front of the screen] Lisa: "Science!"
[The program appears on the Mootoob website. We then see a queue of excited fans waiting for Lisa's autograph] Customers: "Lisa, Lisa, Lisa..."
Fan: "Dr. Loud, I used to think science was for nerds before I found your show. Now it's my favorite thing on earth-- which I know is round 'cause of you." [--perches and confronts Lisa, forcing her to sit back. Lisa smiles nervously and shows him a drawing of her and Todd. Lisa then enters home to escape the paparazzi, but she suddenly bumps into Dr. Alvarez] Lisa: "Oof!"
Dr. Alvarez: "Hello, Lisa. Sorry to drop by unannounced. Your sister let me in and has been staring at me ever since."
[We see Lynn growling and staring. Lisa notices this] Lisa: "At ease, Lynn. She's a friend."
Lynn:[Uninterested, salutes her and leaves] "Uh-huh."
Dr. Alvarez:[Chuckles nervously] "Uh, Lisa. I wanted to run an idea by you. What if we did a paleontology themed episode of your show live from the Royal Woods Museum?"
Lisa: "Like it. Love it. Want to study it under a microscope. Have your peeps call my peeps and we'll do it tomorrow."
Dr. Alvarez: "Great. I was thinking we could show kids how radiometric dating works by testing your dinosaur bone."
Lisa: "That sounds--" [--She realizes what the doctor just said, remembering something] "say what now?" [She blocks the door Dr. Alvarez was about to go to.] "Uh, actually, Doc, I'm not so sure that's the best idea."
Dr. Alvarez: "Oh, don't be nervous. Just think of the museum as your bedroom but with a gift shop. You'll be fine." [She opens the door, dragging Lisa with it, and leaves. Todd checks on Lisa]' Lisa: "My only hope is to find an actual dinosaur bone by tomorrow. But where?"
[Todd scans the area] Todd: "ACCORDING TO MY SEARCH, THERE ARE DINOSAUR BONES AT THE ROYAL WOODS MUSEUM."
Lisa:[Grabs Todd's face in excitement] "Of course! Todd, you beautiful mass of metal. Mwah!" [Kisses Todd]
[That night inside the museum, Lisa and Todd explore the place] Lisa: "Hm, should be around here somewhere."
Todd: "IT WAS FORTUITOUS THAT THE BACK DOOR WAS UNLOCKED."
Lisa: "There." [The camera cuts to a bone structure of a dinosaur] "The Celurosaurian Theropod. Street name, T-Rex." [She rummages in her fanny pack and shows a glued bone to the robot] "How's the glue job look? I used Father's failed attempt at bechamel sauce as an adhesive." [Todd opens out a thumb up from his chest] "This T-Rex has over 200 bones. No one will notice if I replace one of them with my fake bone. Now, beam me up, Toddy." [Todd uses his middle hand to lift Lisa up to the dinosaur's ribs. Faint whistling is heard while Lisa rummages inside. She hears this and panics. We see Dr. Alvarez walking along the corridors whistling. She whispers to her robot friend] "Abort, abort!" [Todd flicks Lisa up in the air and leaves her alone. She screams until she lands on the dinosaur's skull and almost falls off. She hangs on to the dinosaur's nostril. We then see Dr. Alvarez entering the same room her. Lisa starts sweating and wincing with fear. The sweat drops almost land on Dr. Alvarez, but just misses. Lisa breathes a sigh of relief.] "Phew." [Lisa - still holding the fake bone - opens the dinosaur's mouth and comes inside, climbing around the structure towards its tail] "Ah, dang it. This will have to do." [She replaces one of the bones in the structure with her fake bone. She jumps off the stand and leaves with the museum's bone]
[The next day inside the museum, the stage is set inside the room with the dinosaur structure] Todd: "GOING LIVE IN 3, 2, 1."
Lisa: "Welcome to 'Facts Matter', with your science hostess with the mostest, Lisa Loud. Today we are at the Royal Woods Museum and our special guest is Dr. Alvarez."
Dr. Alvarez: "Thanks for stopping by, Lisa. I believe you have something special to show our audience?"
Lisa: "Indeed I do. [Shows the Museum's bone] This is the dinosaur bone I discovered in my backyard. And today, we are going to use the museum's carbon dating machine to determine what era it's from."
[She gives the bone to the scientist. She investigates] Dr. Alvarez: "Texture looks good. Shape looks good. Color looks good. Lisa, this bone is museum quality. Go ahead and use my machine." [Lisa put's the Museum bone inside the machine and activates it. The machine zaps while it scans the bone. A green light flashes and the sign MESOZOIC appears on its screen; excitedly] "Ah! And it's 100% from the Mesozoic era." [Suddenly, a faint cracking sound is heard. Lisa notices where this noise is coming from and starts panicking] Lisa: "Ah!" [The fake bone bends and is on the verge of snapping off. She tries to keep a straight face and end the show quickly.] "We should wrap this up." [To Todd] "Todd, play the wrap-up music!" [She tries to push Dr. Alvarez away, but she stays there] Dr. Alvarez: "What's the rush, Dr. Loud? We still have 20 minutes left in the episode." [The fake bone continues cracking and just after Lisa is seen quivering, the bone breaks and the whole dinosaur structure collapses and crashes to the floor] Lisa: "Dr. Alvarez, look out!"
[She pounces Dr. Alvarez out of the way of the falling bones, which soon form a cloud. As soon as it clears, we see the whole dinosaur structure demolished, with a few pictures out of place. Lisa then pops up from a pile of bones, and looks around in her spot] Lisa:[Calls] "Dr. Alvarez? Dr. Alvarez?!" [Surfs on a bone down the pile and demands to her robot] "Todd, initiate search protocol."
Todd: "ON IT." [Todd salutes, but then the arm comes off, shocking Lisa. She holds him tight; upset] Lisa: "Oh, what have I done, Todd?" [Lets go - spinning the robot into the wall - and looks inside another heap of bones] "Dr. Alvarez got crushed by two tons of osseous matter because of my lies." [Rummages through various small bones until she is seen pulling a bigger bone] Dr. Alvarez: "Lies?" [Lisa stops, and gasps with a smile at the angry looking scientist] Lisa: "Dr. Alvarez, you're alive!" [Goes and hugs her] Dr. Alvarez:[Facepalms] "Lisa, what lies?" [Lisa realizes she is the guilty one and has no choice. She exhales and sighs] Lisa: "Well, the dinosaur bone I found wasn't real. It was a amalgam of loose bird bones bound together with a low-grade cheese sauce. So I swapped it with one of the bones from the T-Rex. That's why it collapsed."
Dr. Alvarez: "Lisa, how could you?"
Lisa: "I justified it by telling myself that kids around the world were getting into science because of me. But science is honest and I certainly haven't been. I'm so sorry." [Lisa walks away slowly. After a brief pause, the scientist facepalms again] Dr. Alvarez: "Lisa, wait. It would be a shame to let all your knowledge go to waste. You're clearly good at inspiring kids and getting them interested in science."
Lisa: "You mean, I can have my show back?" [She grins, but Dr. Alvarez just laughs] Dr. Alvarez: "Absolutely not. You have to earn my trust back first." [Lisa pouts and looks down. Dr. Alvarez lifts her face up again] "How would you like to start by giving tours in the museum?"
Lisa:[Bubbly eyed] "Really?" [they hug each other] "I'd be honored."
Dr. Alvarez:[Looking at the mess] "This thing is gonna take forever to put back together."
Lisa: "Actually, I may be able to help with that." [To Todd] "Todd, initiate cleaning protocol." [Without saying anything, Todd blasts Lisa with a water pump sending her flying and crashing into something off-screen] "Todd!"
