The following is a transcript for the "The Maltese Bear" short.
[We open on a rainy day, a taxi arrives at the Loud house. Leni and Lola exit with bags.]
Leni: "It all started on a rainy Tuesday."
[Leni adjusts her hat. Inside the house...]
Lola: "Thanks for taking me shopping, Leni." [Leni, holding all the bags, closes the door with her foot] "I just needed a few outfit changes for my audition tonight."
Leni: "No problem Lols." [strains due to the bags]
[Lola enters her room.]
Lola: [addressing her stuffed toys] "Hello, everyone! Did you miss me?" [Holds out a wad of cash.] "Mr. Sprinkles, if you would be so kind to add my change to --" [Realizes he isn't there.] "WHERE'S MR. SPRINKLES?!" [holding Eunice] "Who took my bear full of cash, Eunice?!"
[Eunice makes squeaking sounds. We're in Lori and Leni's room, where Leni is gloomly watching the rainy day.]
Leni: "Of all the siblings, in all the rooms, in all the house..."
Leni: "...she walked into mine."
Lola: "I need your help. I've been robbed! And you're the only one I can trust!"
Leni: "Aw, thank you Lola!"
Lola: "Don't get it twisted, sister. You're with me all day, so I know you're innocent."
Leni: "Oh, right."
Lola: "Here's the scoop." [produces a photo of her stuffed bear.] "Mr. Sprinkles has been taken, and I need you to find the two-bit goon who did it. I'd sniff him out myself, but I've got a gig at the Blue Monkey tonight."
Leni: "Who can say no to those beautiful eyes and threatening smile?" [Which Lola is making.] "I'll take the case!"
Lola: "Thanks, Leni. You're a classic gal. I'd start at the scene at the crime. You might find some clues."
Leni: [in thought] "I didn't know who "Clues" was, but I'd soon find out."
[Leni is still in thought.]
Lola: "Uh, Leni?" [Beat] "...Okay, bye." [exits the room.]
[Leni is in Lana and Lola's room.]
Leni: [slamming the table] "What do you dames know? And which one of you is Clues, huh?" [no response] "The dolls were clammed up. Dead end. Then I saw something..." [She sees...] "...Cookie crumbs!" [She puts it in a small plastic bag.] "This blew the case wide open."
[Cue piano music, Leni notices this.]
[Luna is in her and Luan's room playing an electric piano while humming.]
Leni: "I wondered if this smooth cruiser was hiding something." [to Luna] "Nice piano you got there, Luna. Suppose you tell me where you got the money for it?"
Luna: "Suppose it's a hand-me-down from Chunk."
Leni: "Suppose that's awfully convenient and nice?"
Luna: "Suppose it was taking up too much room in his van, okay?!"
[Out of new clues, Leni dejectedly sits down with Mr. Coconuts.]
Leni: [sighs] "Another dead end... Play it again, Luna." [She does] "I was totally stumped! Who else could've taken Lola's bear?"
[Suddenly Luna stops playing.]
Luna: "This piano sure does have some sticky keys." [Takes a glance at one] "Is this chocolate?"
Leni: "'Sticky keys'... Car keys! That's it! Lola's trusty car mechanic! Another lead!"
[She runs off.]
[Outside. Lana is fixing the princess car in the garage.]
Leni: "This time, I knew I was right." [She arrives at the garage, to Lana] "Alright, bub. Spill the beans before I have to tighten the screws on 'ya."
Lana: "Oh, thanks for reminding me. Hand me that flathead over there."
Leni: [Hands Lana a flathead.] "How are things with your twin these days? Everything swell?"
Lana: "Well, she was kinda giving me the what for out of a count for being "too gassy", but it's not that we normally bump our gums about."
Leni: "So you wouldn't be trying to pull one over on Lola by stealing her precious stuffed bear."
Lana: "Are you kiddin' me?! Steal Mr. Sprinkles?! I'd be pushin' up daisies if I did that."
Leni: "Call me soft, but I believed her." [Lana starts eating something... the cookie] "Lana, don't eat my evidence!"
Lana: [Gulps] "Sorry. You know I love dog biscuits."
Leni: "Wait a minute. Those are dog biscuit crumbs?"
[Leni heads out of the garage.]
Leni: "Things have finally stacked up." [Heading to the doghouse.] "Alright, you fiend! Come out and confess!"
[Charles comes out the doghouse, Mr. Sparkles in mouth.]
Leni: "Charles, you rascal. I'd bet you thought you'd get away with that, huh?"
Leni: "I've done it! I've cracked the case. Turns out no one was after Lola's money. Charles just wanted a chew toy."
Leni: "I guess you could say..." [Charles puts on a hat and takes out a wad of cash, revealing he did take the money.] "...every dog has its way." [Charles blinks at the audience.]
| v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts