The following is a transcript for the episode "The Orchid Grief."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The episode starts at the McBride residence. Clyde is doing chores, dusting off an ancient-looking urn, when Lincoln barges into the scene.] Lincoln: "Clyde!" [Clyde catches the urn.] "Drop whatever you're doing!" Clyde: "I can't. It's a 17th-century Japanese urn." Lincoln: "Okay, gently put down whatever you're doing." Clyde:[does as he's told] "Proceed." Lincoln: "The limited-edition David Steele comic made of actual steel is finally out." [Close-up of an ad promoting the comic on his phone] "I hear the cover alone weights ten pounds. We've gotta grab one before they sell out!" Clyde: "I wish I could. My dads have asked me to finish all these chores." [He rolls out a long list of chores.] Lincoln: "I'm not going without you, buddy. We'll get your chores done together." Lincoln and Clyde: "Clincoln McCloud!"
[Montage of Lincoln and Clyde cleaning around the McBride residence; they go from dusting the tables to cleaning the floors as if it were an ice rink. Now, Lincoln is watering the plants.] Lincoln: "And some for you." [notices a quite exotic orchid on the table] "Oh, that's a cool-looking flower." [pours water on the orchid as Clyde witnesses it] "And some for you." Clyde:[Stops Lincoln from watering the orchid.] "NO!" Lincoln: "GAH! Clyde, what's wrong?" Clyde: "That plant has already been watered, now it's gonna die!" Lincoln: "Oh no. I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Clyde: "It's not your fault, I should've warned you. It's the eternal love orchid. It's very rare. It can be only given one milliliter of water every twelve hours." Lincoln: "Well, maybe it won't die." [The orchid eventually does.] Clyde: "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" [He covers his eyes in disappointment.] Lincoln: "Uh, do you think your dads will notice if we just throw it out?" Clyde: "Oh, yeah. This orchid is super special. My dad gave it to my dad on their first date."
[Flashback to that date. As a teenage Harold handing the orchid to a teenage Howard. Howard then proceeds to sob uncontrollably in joy. Another flashback, the McBrides, with a younger Clyde, on the couch watching TV. The orchid blooms.] Clyde:[voiceover]"And it only blooms every couple of years. When it does, Dad gets even more emotional..." [Howard again sobs at the sight of the orchid's blooming. Another flashback of the McBrides at the table, eating breakfast, a few years later. The orchid blooms again.] Clyde:[voiceover]"...every time." [Howard yet again sobs at the orchid's blooming. End of Flashback. Clyde and Lincoln are in the living room. Clyde puts the dead orchid down on the living room table.] Clyde: "My dad called this orchid a symbol of their love." [sobs] "And now it's dead!" Lincoln: "Don't worry, we'll fix this. We just have to get a replacement before your dads get home. What flower shop did it come from?" Clyde: "There is no shop. He got it at a rare traveling plant convention." Lincoln: "Of course he did." Clyde: "It's hopeless, unless you happen to know a genius botanist who can work miracles and bring this thing back to life." Lincoln:[gasps] "I know how to help." Clyde: "You don't understand. No amount of tissues can soak up the—" Lincoln: "No, I mean, I know who can help us."
[At the Loud house, Lisa is examining the dead orchid.] Lisa: "Hmm... I can't help you. This is beyond the scope of science." Lincoln: "I don't understand. You can rip a hole in the space-time continuum, but you can't bring one teeny-tiny flower back to life?" Lisa: "Sadly, that's correct. However, there is another option." [Walks over to a Michigan state map] "It so happens that this exact species is native to a remote swamp in Michigan. I can tell you precisely where to find it, but I must warn you..." [Ominously] "...the terrain is harsh and unforgiving." Clyde: "Not a problem, I just got a new pair of galoshes." Lisa: "Meh, that's lovely. But let me repeat." [Ominously] "Harsh and unforgiving." [This time it fazes the boys a little, just in time for Lisa to act cute] "Now, what is your preferred method of disposal? Compost or furnace?" Clyde: "Uh…" Lucy:[Offscreen] "I'll take it." [Everyone looks at her peeking in the doorway] "I can never get my orchids to look that sad." [Just then, the pedals wilt off, Clyde groans]
[Later, the boys are trudging through the Michigan swamplands] Clyde:[A little uneasy] "I feel like we're being watched, and it's not helping my anxiety." [Some eyes look at Clyde from a bush, but close before Clyde can see] Lincoln: "Don't worry, buddy, according to Lisa's GPS the orchid should be about two-hundred feet away. We'll get it and then we'll get out of here." Clyde:[Feeling better] "Great. You know this place isn't that harsh and unforgiving." [They look around] "Actually, I thought the bugs would be worse." [Clyde gasps as he notices a cute little beaver. Suddenly a mosquito twice its size lands and sucks all the beaver's blood out of its head, suddenly the mosquito notices the shocked boys] "Like that." [The boys run for it as the mosquito chases after them, they get cornered by a rock and hold each other as the mosquito gets ready to strike] Lincoln: "It's been good knowing you, buddy." [The boys scream when suddenly an alligator jumps out of the water and eats the bug in midair. The boys are relieved] "That was close, good thing for that alligator." [The boys then realize something] Boys:[Holding each other again, meakly] "Alligator?" [They realize that an alligator family has them surrounded. They scream and back up towards a tree] Lincoln: "Clyde, we're gonna have to climb this tree." Clyde: "This super tall, thorn-covered, unsteady-looking tree?" [An alligator snaps at him] Lincoln:[Who is already up, grabs Clyde] "Yup." [Lincoln pulls Clyde up before two more alligators snap. They make it onto a high branch] "Well, we're safe as long as we stay up here." [Suddenly they hear a cracking sound and see the branch is breaking. They plummet when Lincoln manages to grab onto a vine, they swing to a patch of sand] Clyde: "Dry land." Boys: "We did it!" [They try to high-five, when suddenly Lincoln starts moving downward] Clyde: "Wait, are you getting shorter?" [Lincoln looks down to reveal that he is in quicksand and they gasp] Boys: "Quicksand?" Lincoln: "Ah, really Michigan?" Clyde: "I'll save you, buddy!" [Immediately gets another vine and throws it over a branch, Lincoln gets the other end and Clyde pulls him out of the quicksand] Lincoln: "Thanks, Clyde, your upper body strength always amazes me." Clyde: "It's all in the pull-ups. Now come on, let's get out of here before my swamp-based phobias overwhelm me." [Suddenly the boys fall down a mudslide and land face-first into a stream. Wiping the mud off his glasses] "And, I am now overwhelmed." Lincoln:[Not brought down at all] "Clyde, look! It's the orchid." [The orchis is right in front of them, glistening in a small ray of sunlight, the boys are in awe] Clyde:[Realizes something] "Ah, great, but to get to it we're going to have to get through all of that." [Between them and the orchid is a cluster of huge ravenous-looking venus fly traps] Lincoln:[Trying to be optimistic] "Beautiful swamp plants?" Clyde:[Realistic] "Not beautiful, deadly. Those are venus man traps. Remember David Steele nearly lost an arm to one of those in Marigold's Finger?" [A butterfly innocently flies near one and gets eaten without hesitation] Lincoln:[Gulps, scared, offering a fist bump] "Clincoln McCloud?" Clyde:[Tries to be brave, returns the fist bump] "Clincoln McCloud." [Immediately, the boys scream and make a run for it managing to dodge most of the plants that snap at them. Lincoln dodges one and thinks he's in the clear when suddenly another grabs his backpack and pulls him back, dangling him in front of more plants. Clyde sees this from a tree] "I got you, buddy. Lincoln McCloud!" [Swings from a vine and roars as he drops, elbow at the ready. Clyde nails the plant causing it to spit Lincoln out. The boys land safely. Clyde with a look of shock on his face] Lincoln: "Woah! Clyde, that was amazing!" [Hugs Clyde] "Where did you learn those moves?" Clyde: "I have no idea. I freaked out when I saw you were in danger. No plant messes with my best friend." [They fist bump, when Clyde sees something] "Ah, lookout!" [The plant wants revenge, but the boys escape before it gets them. There is nothing left between them and the orchid] "We did it, Lincoln. Thanks for helping me." [Out of nowhere, someone else grabs the orchid. The boys gasp] Lincoln:[Angry] "That guy just stole our orchid! Come on, Michigan!" Clyde: "We have to get that orchid back before my dads find out we killed the symbol of their love!" [They push past some tall grass] "There he is!" [The character starts up an airboat] "Come on, he's getting away." [The boat races away, conveniently dropping two child-sized life vests, which conveniently land right on the boys as the boat's mooring rope is being whizzed away. Amazed] "Well that worked out." Lincoln:[Sees the mooring rope is still at their feet] "Clyde! Hold on.." [Picks up Clyde in one arm and the rope in the other. The character doesn't see the boys waterskiing behind the boat] Clyde:[Sees a hazard ahead] "Rock!" [Lincoln jumps over it] "Alligators." [Lincoln jumps again and slides down the alligator's back] "Tropical fruit." [For some reason there is a bushel of tropical fruit in the swamp. The boys are dragged through it and come out with Clyde now also holding the rope, and both wearing fruit hats. They spit an apple and lemon out of their mouths. Deadpan] "That should've been the easy one." [They shake the fruit off their heads] Lincoln: "Clyde! Look!" [The character has the orchid in their hand] "I'm going for it. Follow my lead." [They climb along the rope towards the boat] Clyde: "Careful, Lincoln, this guy could be dangerous." [Suddenly a piranha jumps out of the water and snaps the rope. The boys gasp and start skidding in another direction from the boat. They go flying when they hit a log, two toads just sit around and ribbit] Lincoln:[Really hating his home state right now] "Dang it, Michigan!" [The boys eventually land, but on a wooden floor. They are dazed when a figure hovers over them, it's Scoots] "Scoots? What are you doing here?" Scoots:[Sternly] "I don't answer questions. I ask 'em. What are you moochers doing on our boat?" Lincoln: "It's a long story, can we just get a ride?" Scoots: "You're gonna have to ask the captain." [Said captain turns to face them, and is also Lincoln's homeroom teacher] Mr. Bolhofner: "Ahoy." Boys: "Mr. Bolhofner?" Mr. Bolhofner: "That's Captain Bolhofner to you." Scoots: "Don't you kids get too comfortable, this is a seniors-only swamp cruise." [The boys suddenly notice there are more elderly folks on the boat. The boys put on happy expressions] Lincoln: "And I respect that. Can you catch up to that other fan boat? We need to see a man about an orchid." Mr. Bolhofner: "Tough! Not what I'm gettin' paid for." Clyde: "Please, Captain Bolhofner, Sir? I don't have time to explain, but we're on a mission of love." [That changes the expression on Mr. Bolhofner's face] Mr. Bolhofner: "Love? Well. that's another story." [Takes off his hat] "I was in love once, back when I was living in a pineapple field in Hawaii. I'll never forget you, Terry." [Sniffles a little. The boys are a little perplexed. Mr. Bolhofner takes to the controls] "Hold on to your wigs and teeth, folks! We've got a boat to catch!" [Zooms off and catches up with the other boat] Lincoln: "There he is!" [Mr. Bolhofner veers right and passes through a curtain of vines] "What are you doing? We're gonna lose him!" Mr Bolhofner: "I don't lose people, just socks. And the odd toe." [Presses his three-toes right foot on the accelerator and the boat flies over a small waterfall, right over two more toads. It lands back in the water and is now even closer to the other boat] Clyde: "Wow! That was amazing." Mr. Bolhofner:[Not looking ahead] "I know this swamp like the back of my-" [A branch suddenly takes Mr. Bolhofner off the boat. The boys look back] "Don't give up the mission! Love is all we have in this life! TERRY!" Lincoln:[To Clyde] "What do we do?" Clyde: "Don't look at me. I'm not even allowed to operate a box fan." Scoots: "Step aside, boys. Always had a hankerin' to drive one of these babies. Mama's got the need for speed!" [Scoots has control, they are now inches from the other boat] Lincoln: "A little closer, Scoots!" Clyde: "Be careful, Lincoln." [They get closer, Lincoln can almost touch the orchid, when suddenly the character turns, revealing himself to be Harold] Harold: "Lincoln? Clyde?" Clyde: "Dad? What are you doing here?" Harold: "Dad? What are you doing here?" [Lincoln almost falls, but Harold catches him] "Gotcha." [Unfortunately the orchid falls into the fan of the boat and gets shredded] All Three: "No!" [The boats stop] Clyde: "Dad's gonna be devastated." Harold: "Howard will never forgive me!" [They suddenly realize they were all on the same mission] All Three: "Wait, what?" [They all fall into the elder's boat] Clyde: "Dad's gonna be devastated about what?" Lincoln: "I kind of overwatered the orchid and sort of killed it." Clyde: "We both did. And we thought if we could replace it…" Harold: "Wait, that's what happened to the plant? I saw that it was missing and panicked. I knew I had to replace it before your dad got home. I've killed that thing so many times I bought a mosquito net and hip waders, and a fan boat. I've always managed to replace it before Howie noticed it was gone. Until now." Scoots: "Yeah, cool story, but we've got a tour to finish so if you don't mind."
[The elder's boat departs and Lincoln, Clyde and Harold are on their own] Scoots: "Wahoo!" [Drives away] Clyde: "Well, guess were going to have to go home and face the music." Harold: "And the sobbing." Clyde: "And the snot." Harold: "Such a shocking amount of snot."
[As the sun is setting, they are back safe and sound at the McBride's residence. Lincoln, Harold and Clyde having told Howard everything] Howard: "So the orchid was completely shredded and sunk to the bottom of a swamp." [Harold readies an umbrella as he and the boys brace for the waterworks. Howard does cry, but for a completely different reason] Howard:[Ecstatic] "Thank goodness!" [Harold tosses away the umbrella, confused, as are the boys] "Don't get me wrong, I loved the flower, Har-bear, but it was just so high maintenance. I've had to arrange my entire schedule around it and even then I must have killed that thing and had to replace it eight times. I could never get rid of it because it's a symbol of our love but I secretly hoped it would just, you know, go away." Harold: "But you were so attached to that orchid, every time it bloomed you wept tears of joy." Howard: "That was not joy." [Return to the flashback from when Clyde was younger and the orchid bloomed. Howard did cry, but they were actually tears of despair] Flashback Howard: "I will never be free." [End of flashback] Lincoln: "So, you're not mad that we destroyed the symbol of your love?" Howard: "I never needed a flower to remind me I'm loved. Just look at what you all went through for me today. If that's not love, I don't know what is." [Start crying real tears of joy] Lincoln:[A little uncomfortable] "Ah, there's the snot." Clyde:[Remembering something else] "Well, I guess we missed out on the new David Steele comic book for nothing." Lincoln:[Checks his phone] "Yeah, the comic book store closes in ten minutes there's no way we'd make it on time." Harold: "Don't worry, I've got this." [Later, they are all fan boating down the street] Howard:[To the boys] "I'm gonna need to see some life jackets."
