The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The Royal Woods Kangaroos are in a soccer match against Beaverton. Lynn weaves between two Beaverton players, launches the ball skyward, and then leaps up and shoots it into the net. The Louds are watching from the bleachers and cheer for Lynn.] Lynn Sr.:[filming with his camera] "Oh, I'm getting it all! Go, LJ!" Lincoln:[cheering his sister] "Yeah! Woo-hoo!" [Chandler blocks his view with a giant Chandler cardboard head] "Huh? Chandler, do you mind?" [Chandler only snickers evilly. Lynn runs around the field] Scoots: "What kind of run is that, Loud?" [Scoots drives over the bleachers to see Lynn, bowling over a few other audience members.] Audience: "Ow!" Scoots: "Looks more like an emu trotting across the outback." [the audience laughs] Lynn:[looks at Scoots annoyed] "Oh great. Scoots." [resumes running] [Cut to Lynn about to kick towards the goal] Scoots: "Someone called the zookeeper!"[Lynn fails to kick the ball properly...] "We got ourselves an emu on the loose!" [ ...and accidentally hits the Kangaroos' mascot instead.] "Ha!"[pointing at the mascot][Lynn growls.] [Cut to the tie-breaker round of the game. Lynn goes forth for a kick until...] Scoots: "Squawk! Kick it, emu!" [...Lynn kicks the ball to the goal, but the goalie intercepts, hitting the Kangaroos' mascot. Scoots laughs evilly. Lynn growls.]
[Later, it's 10 seconds left on the clock, both teams tied. The referee blows the whistle.] Lynn: "Alright, LJ. Score's tied, ten seconds left on the clock. Focus. Your team needs you." [She and her teammates advance, only for...] Imaginary Scoots: "Emu!" Lynn: "Huh?" [She then starts hallucinating Scoots taunting her] Imaginary Scoots Heads: "Emu! Emu!" [Lynn shakes off the hallucinations, only to hallucinate more Scoots heads appearing on the Beavertons] Imaginary Scoots: "Hey there, birdie! Thought you could get rid of me that easy?" [Lynn continues to carry the ball, but hallucinates her legs becoming emu legs.] Lynn:[gasps] "AH! I've got emu legs! [screams] [The Beavertons kick the ball, scoring the final goal. Rita and Lynn Sr. sigh in disappointment.] Lincoln:[still trying to see past Chandler's fake head] "Move it, Chandler! What--what happened?" [Scoots only laughs evilly.]
[That night, Vanzilla pulls up to the Loud House. Lynn storms back inside growling.] Rita: "I've never seen Lynn freeze up like that. I hope she doesn't take it too hard." [Unfortunately, she's proven wrong when loud thundering is heard upstairs.] "Oh no! She's rage-lifting again!" [more thundering] "And those sound like 50-pounders." [Just then, a 60-pounder crashes through the ceiling.] Lisa:[imitates buzzer] "Correction: 60-pounders." [slurps through a straw] Lincoln: "Uh, I'll go talk to her." [Lynn drops a 150-pounder through the ceiling. Lincoln approaches her room as she grunts and weights clank, and opens the door.] Lynn: "If you're here to talk about the game, I'm fine!" [sets the weight down; Lincoln turns on the light] "So just leave me alone!" [sits on a meditation ball; it knocks Lincoln over] "OK, fine. If you're gonna nag me, I'll tell you." [lifts metal bars attached to rope; it snaps and one side knocks Lincoln over] "Somehow, Scoots got into my head. Normally, I'm great at drowning out the opposing fans." [throws a punching bag at Lincoln and kicks it, sending him flying] "This time was personal!" [Lincoln groans from all the pain she just put him through] "She made me self-conscious about how I run!" [sighs] "Boy, you really know just what to say sometimes, Lincoln." [grabs blue dumbbell] "Thanks." [growls] "But I still can't get Scoots out of my head." Lincoln: "Hmm, I think I know how to fix your problem. Follow me downstairs." Lynn: "Eh, OK." [drops the dumbbell through the floor] Lynn Sr.: "OW! MY FOOT!" [Lincoln only looks worried.]
[At the living room, Lincoln sets up the camera at the TV] Lynn: "Ugh. Thanks, but no thanks. I don't want to re-live the game again." Lincoln: "No, no, it's not that." [jumps on the couch] "What I'm about to show you might fix your problem." [He plays footage of Lola doing a ribbon dance at a pageant] Judge: "Ugh. Just a rehash of her ribbon dance from the Little Miss Miss Thing Pageant. Excuse me while I yawn." Lynn Sr.: "Oh, boy. Where's the ding-dang-darn erase button?!" [The footage ends; Lynn remains annoyed.] Lynn: "OK, so maybe Lola has a critic, too. How's that supposed to help me?" Lincoln: "I thought you might say that. What if I could show you that it's not just Lola? It's everyone in our family." Lynn: "Fine. If it'll keep the emus out of my head, I'll give you a chance. But if you're wrong, I get to give you a hundred noogies." Lincoln:[Guiltily] "Is there any room for negotiation?" [Lynn snorts while snarling] "OK, and we're moving on." [Jumps off the couch.]
[At the Burnt Bean, the Moon Goats prepare to play] Luna: "One, two, three, four!" [The Moon Goats perform "My Band"] Manager: "Ugh! This group sounds worse than my grandmother's piccolo band." [notices a barista pouring coffee] "And you call that foam?" [Lincoln and Lynn watch from underneath the counter.]
[At Lynn's Table, Lynn Sr. readies an order] Lynn Sr.: "Order up!" [Kotaro takes two plates and serves one to Mr. Grouse, who takes a bite and spits it out] Mr. Grouse: "Ugh! Bleh! He should just stick to lasagna. This tastes like my denture cream!" [Lincoln and Lynn observe from another table.] Lincoln:[showing Lynn the evidence] "Hmm?" Lynn:[grumbles] "Hmm."
[At the Royal Woods Gazette, Lincoln and Lynn observe from a plant as Rita is busy typing, only to check her watch and take a break. They go to her cart of fan mail] Lincoln: "These are letters readers send to the editor. Some of them can be pretty mean." [takes one and reads it] "'Dear Rita, your advice stinks! Next time, I'll save a stamp and ask Mr. Bobbins. He's a cat.'" [Lynn opens another letter, which literally blasts angry, unintelligible words at her. She yelps as she drops it and flinches.] Lynn: "Ooh."
[At the Loud House, Lincoln goes to Luan's comedy website] Lincoln: "Check out these comments on Luan's comedy blog. This user, Youre_Not_Funny_123," [circles around their latest comment with the mouse] "writes a lot." [peruses their comments] "'Not funny', thumbs-down emoji, 'Noot fubby'... I think they meant to write 'not funny' again, but you get the idea." [Lynn takes notes on her notepad]
[Lisa is giving a lecture] Lisa:[clears throat] "My colleagues, I have finally cracked the formula for melt-proof ice cream. My assistant, Todd, will break down the molecular structure through interpretive dance." Todd:[comes in dancing] "H-H-HYDROGEN, LOW FAT MILK." Scientist:[facepalms] "Not that idiot dancing robot again. This is just embarrassing." [His colleague agrees. Lynn and Lincoln watch from the audience.]
[It is now dinnertime at the Loud House. The Louds are enjoying spaghetti and meatballs] Rita: "Wow, that's your sixth plate tonight, honey. You must be feeling better." Lynn:[in between mouthfuls] "Oh, yeah. Thanks to this guy." [points at her brother, with everyone looking at him] "He helped me see that I shouldn't make such a big deal about having a critic. Everyone has 'em, especially you guys." Lola: "I think you mean everybody but me." [chuckles] Lynn: "Well, no. You have that one judge who says your ribbon routine is weaksauce. Oh, wait, no, no, wait, no, no. Lame. No, no, wait. What was the word she used, Lincoln?" Lincoln: "Uninspired." Lynn: "Bingo. There it is." [Lola sulks and whimpers] "Relax. It's not just you. Lincoln pointed out that you all have a hater. Tell' em." Lincoln: "Sure. Well, Luna, the Burnt Bean manager thinks her grandma's piccolo band is better than the Moon Goats." [Luna sulks] "Luan, one user thinks you're about as funny as a stubbed toe." [Luan sulks] "Dad, Grouse thinks you should stick to lasagnas." [Lynn Sr. gasps and sulks] "Mom, one reader said your advice ruined her life." [Rita sulks] "And Lisa, some scientists are really over Todd." [Lisa sulks] Lynn: "Knowing you guys all have critics sure made me feel ubetter. Linky, can you pass the salt?" Lincoln: "You got it."
[That night, all the aforementioned Louds who had their critics exposed have trouble sleeping.] Lisa:[mumbling] "Over Todd?" Lola:[snorts] "Uninspired..." Luna:[eating her own bedsheets] "Piccolos..." Rita:[bolts out of bed] "I ruined her life!" Lynn Sr.: "Stick to lasagna..." [He attempts to leave sobbing but falls off the bed. Rita removes her face mask to check on her husband.]
[The next day, morning. A tired Lisa, Lily, Lola, Luan, and Luna exit their rooms, while the equally tired Rita and Lynn Sr. reach the upstairs hallway.] Lynn Sr.:[yawns] "Welp, I guess it's time to start the day." [The sisters (sans Lisa and Lily) and Rita chuckle half-heartedly.]
[Later at the Little Miss Royal Woods Pageant] Cheryl: "And now to dazzle us like my rhinestone jean jacket, Miss Lola and her ribbon routine!" [Lola walks on the stage confidently, only to recognize the judge who gave her a terrible critique. She hallucinates the other two judges as that same judge, and all of them yawn. As soon as the music starts, Lola screams and bolts off the stage.]
[At the Loud House, Luan begins her comedy vlog] Luan: "Hey, guys! Welcome to my show! Mr. C, did you hear the one about the classically-trained gorilla?" [Suddenly she starts hallucinating Youre_Not_Funny_123's bad reviews and stammers. The reviews all dissipate, revealing Luan completely defeated and unmotivated.]
[At Lynn's Table, Lynn Sr. is busy stirring a mix] Lynn Sr.: "Mix-a-mix-a-mix-a-mix-a-mix..." [Suddenly he starts hallucinating Mr. Grouse on his wooden spoon] Imaginary Mr. Grouse: "I was thinking you could make something edible this time? Maybe like a lasagna!" [Lynn Sr. panics, only to hallucinate Mr. Grouse coming out of a pot] "Nope! No lasagnas in here!" [Lynn Sr. slams the pot lid back on in a panic, only for another hallucination of Mr. Grouse to emerge from the oven] "Not in here, either!" [Lynn Sr. yelps and runs to the customer service window, where the real Mr. Grouse is waiting.] Mr. Grouse: "Hey, Loud, what's the bathroom code?" [At this point, Lynn Sr. can't handle seeing Mr. Grouse anymore, screams, and collapses while babbling.] "Huh. Cuckoo."
[The Moon Goats are driving in Chunk's van listening to "My Band"] Luna: "I think we should open with this song tonight. What do you think, Chunkster?" [Suddenly she hallucinates the Burnt Bean manager's face over Chunk's] Imaginary Manager: "I hate it! Why did I ever hire you?" [ejects Luna's tape and chucks it out of the van] "I should have gone with Grandma Gertie!" [Laughter is heard. Luna turns around and hallucinates the manager's face on Sam, Mazzy, and Sully, all laughing at her.] Luna:[can't take it anymore] "STOP!" [The van abruptly stops on an intersection, blocking traffic and causing cars to abruptly stop and honk.] Chunk: "Give a bloke some warning next time, love." [Luna chuckles nervously.]
[At the Royal Woods Gazette, Rita is typing when she hallucinates a red letter coming out of her computer.] Letter: "YOU RUINED MY LIFE!" [Rita hallucinates more letters bursting out of her computer, much to her horror.]
[Lisa is giving another lecture.] Lisa: "Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. For today's presentation, I have prepared-" [Suddenly she starts hallucinating the scientist who had mocked Todd over all the attendees.] Scientist: "Oh, no. Not that idiot dancing robot." Scientists: "Idiot dancing robot. Idiot dancing robot. Idiot dancing robot! Idiot dancing robot!" [Lisa is completely shocked at this turn of events and goes catatonic. Todd peeks out from the curtains and has to grab her and drag her away.]
[That night at the Loud House, Lincoln is watching TV with a bowl of popcorn when...] Rita: "LINCOLN!!!" Luna: "BRO!" Lynn Sr.: "Oh, he is in for it!" [The Louds who had just gotten criticized burst through the door] Lola: "There he is!" Luna: "GET HIM!" [Lincoln screams as he attempts to flee, but the couch tips over. The criticized Louds angrily surround him.] Luna: "Why did you have to tell us about our haters, dude?!" Lisa: "Now we're all freezing up!" Lincoln: "Look, I'm sorry I told you guys about your critics. I was just trying to help Lynn." [Suddenly Lynn punches a hole in the door] Lynn:[irate] "STINKIN'!" [slams the door open while growling] Lincoln:[nervous] "I hope that's a happy "Stinkin'"." Lynn: "Your dumb "cure" didn't cure me! Scoots heckled me some more and now I've got emu legs again! Wasn't even at a game. It was at the mall food court!" Lincoln: "Lynn, why are you paying attention to Scoots? Why are any of you paying attention to those people? It doesn't matter what they say." Mr. Coconuts: "It's easy for you to say! You don't have to deal with it!" Lola: "You just go around ruining lives!" [The Louds leave] Lynn Sr.: "What a life-ruiner!" Rita: "Ruiner!" [Lincoln sighs, realizing he's ruined his family, until he notices the camera...] Lincoln:[gets an idea] "Wait."
[The next day, the criticized Louds are sitting on couch when Lincoln sets up the camera.] Lincoln: "Thanks for coming, everyone. I hope what I'm about to show you will help." Lynn:[annoyed] "It better. I feel like my emu condition is getting worse." [starts squawking and pecks Lisa] Lisa:[also annoyed] "If you start molting, I'm out." Lincoln: "As you're about to see, you're not the only ones with a critic." [He starts playing footage of himself reading the news at middle school] Lincoln: "And two out of three students believe that-" Chandler:[pops up from behind the screen] "Lincoln Loud is lame!" [blows a raspberry] [Cut to footage of Lincoln at Gus's Games and Grub playing Dance Battle] Lincoln: "I'm about to beat my high score!" Chandler:[pops in out of nowhere] "For lameness!" [Lincoln ignores him and spins on his head. Cut to footage of him performing magic as he waves his wand] Chandler:[from the audience] "Ha! Can you make yourself disappear, Lincoln Lame?" [The audience laughs at Lincoln. Cut back to reality.] Lynn: "Dude, that Chandler's a real jerk." Lincoln: "Yeah, he is. But he doesn't bother me, and that's the whole point. I mean, at first he really got to me, but the more I ignored him, the easier it got. Plus, why should I care what he has to say? I'm doing what I love, and that's all that matters." Rita: "And if you can handle Chandler, I think we can handle our critics." [to the rest of her family] "Right, everyone?" [The the rest of the family agree] Luna: "Totally." Lynn Sr.: "Yeah, I guess so." [Just then Mr. Grouse opens the door] Mr. Grouse: "Hey, Loud!" Lynn Sr.:[puts his fingers in his ears] "Ah, I can't hear you, Grouse!" Mr. Grouse: "I was just going to tell you-" Lynn Sr.: "I'm blocking out the haters." [starts singing] "La la la la-" Mr. Grouse: "You forgot to put on the parking brake again." [Lynn Sr.'s eyes widen in horror. Outside, Vanzilla starts rolling backwards.] Loud Kids: "Dad, Vanzilla!" Lynn Sr.:[chases after his van and screams] "BABY, PLEASE COME BACK! I'M SO SORRY!!!" [The end]
