The following is a transcript for the episode "The Waiting Game".
[Episode begins at School, where Lincoln and Clyde are excited about Chandler's birthday party.]
Lincoln: "I'm so excited I can't sit still!"
Clyde: "I know! I'm so excited, my palms are sweaty!" [tries to grab his fork but due to his sweaty palm it goes straight up in the air; he then tries to grab his sandwich, which does the same thing, and his milk, which does the same thing as well; many parts of the sandwich land on him, as well as the fork.] "I hope he gets here soon, I'd really like to eat my lunch."
Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Today's the day that our classmate Chandler is handing out invites to his birthday party. It's at the sewage treatment plant where his dad works, and everyone says it's gonna be epic!"
Clyde: "I hear the facilities can process five hundred metric tons of human waste a day!"
Lincoln: "I hear they have a secret room for the mutant animals they find in the sewers!"
Clyde: "I hear, if you take off your mask in there, the stink will burn off your nose hairs!"
Lincoln: "I really hope we get invited!"
[The lights suddenly turn off, and a kid plays music while many kids cheer.]
Clyde: "It's happening!"[He and Lincoln hold hands, then a bunch of sweat from Clyde's hand appears.] "Oh, ha ha, sorry, sweaty palms."
[The doors open, and Chandler walks in. The students gasp upon his entrance.]
Chandler: "Put on your galoshes, people..." [busts out galoshes and tosses them in the air.] "...'cuz it's time to party!"
[One of the students grabs a galosh as the others look on in awe. Chandler holds out a plunger and passes the invites out with it.]
Chandler: "Darren! Miguel! Mollie! Girl Jordan! Boy Jordan! Kyle! Kat!"
Lincoln & Clyde: [anxious] "Oh, over here! Over here!"
Chandler: "And the last two invites go to..." [plunges them and walks over to Lincoln and Clyde as they eagerly squeal but then walks away from them.] "...Joy and Jen!"
[Lincoln and Clyde are devastated as the birthday boy leaves and the kid playing the music turns it off and the lights come back on.]
Lincoln: [crushed] "We can probably stop holding hands now."
[At Gus's Games & Grub, Lincoln and Clyde are playing video games with not being invited still on their minds.]
Lincoln: "I don't get it. How could Chandler not invite us? I loaned him a pencil in math class and held the bathroom door open for him!"
Clyde: "And I made eye contact with him everyday! Like this." [takes off his glasses revealing his astigmatic eyes.] "Who wouldn't want this face at a party?"
[Enter Lori wearing an employee outfit.]
Lori: "Hi, Lincoln."
Clyde: "L-L-L-Lori?" [gets a nosebleed and faints]
Lincoln: [downtrodden] "Hey, Lori."
Lori: "Thanks for telling me about the job opening here. Guess what? I literally got hired! Now I can buy a new dress for the big dance this Friday! The theme is "Romance Under the Sea", and Bobby and I are the Sea King and Queen. It's gonna be the greatest night ever!"
Lori's Boss: [off-screen] "Loud! Back to work! If you got time to lean, you got time to clean!"
Lori: [rushes over] "Coming!" [goes back to Lincoln] "Oh, I almost forgot. Employees get free tokens every shift. You guys can have mine." [gives Lincoln her tokens and leaves as Clyde comes to.]
Lincoln: [more optimistic] "Thanks! Clyde, check it out! Free tokens from Lori!"
Clyde: "L-L-L-Lori?" [faints again]
Dance Machine: "SWEET MOVE. FIFTY POINTS."
YOU GOT THE GOODS
[Later, Lincoln is playing a shoot 'em up and Clyde is playing Skeeball and sinks a ball in one of the point holes.]
Lincoln: "Wow! Way to go, Clyde!"
Clyde: "I'm saving my tickets to buy Lori that bobblehead pig." [points to the indicated prize which looks less than appealing while horror sting music plays.] "Ooh, I hope she doesn't already have one!"
Lincoln: [concerned] "Are you going to be okay with Lori working here?"
Clyde: "As long as I don't see her, hear her, or smell her, sure."
Lori: "Here you go. Free pizza and root beers." [serves them] "Just my way of saying thanks for helping me get this job."
[As she walks off, Lincoln notices Clyde has a basket on his head, mustard and ketchup bottles against his ears, and breadsticks up his nose and chanting "La-la" to block out her voice. Just then, Chandler walks up to their table.]
Chandler: "Hey, Larry."
Lincoln: [bitterly] "It's Lincoln. The guy who held the bathroom door for you?"
Chandler: "Hmm...I don't remember that. Hey, did I just see you get free pizza?"
Lincoln: "Yeah, my sister works here."
Chandler: "Man, that must be nice."
[Just then, Lincoln gets an idea and gives Chandler Clyde's slice of pizza.]
Lincoln: "Here, why don't you take it?"
Chandler: "Really? Thanks." [takes it and walks off.]
Clyde: "Hey! Lori gave me that pizza! I was going to put it in my scrapbook!"
Lincoln: "Clyde, if we give Chandler all our freebies from Lori, he might invite us to his sewage party after all."
Clyde: "Brilliant! Man with the plan."
Lincoln: "You got that right!" [bites into a breadstick, and then realizes...] "This was up your nose, wasn't it?"
[Clyde unfortunately nods. Chandler is playing Rip Ride and loses.]
ILLEGAL LEFT TURN!
Rip Ride Machine: "GAME OVER. INSERT ONE TOKEN TO CONTINUE PLAYING."
[Chandler checks his pockets only to find he has no tokens left.]
Chandler: "Ah, man."
Lincoln: "Hey, Chandler. Need some tokens?" [offers him some]
Chandler: "Sweet. Thanks, Larry." [takes them]
Lincoln: "I'll grab us some free drinks." [goes to the counter to get some from Lori.]
Lori: "Here you go. Anything for the brother who helped me get this job."
[The boys raise a toast with their drinks.]
Lincoln, Clyde, and Chandler: "CHEERS!" [sip]
Chandler: "Hey, you guys are alright. You know, I'm having a birthday party this Friday..."
[Lincoln and Clyde do a spit take.]
Lincoln: [feigning unawareness] "It's your birthday? I had no idea."
Clyde: [feigning as well] "Me neither. I didn't know you were having a party at the sewage treatment plant-" [realizes what he just said] "-I mean, wherever your dad works, I mean-"
Lincoln: [shutting Clyde up] "Uh, Clyde, why don't we let Chandler finish what he was saying?"
Chandler: "Yeah. So, my party. You guys totally have to come. I'll bring invites tomorrow. Meet here after school?"
Lincoln: "Yeah. Cool. Whatev."
[The moment he leaves, the boys squeal and start dancing and singing.]
Lincoln and Clyde: "♫We're goin' to the partay! We're goin' to the partay!♫"
[However, they notice Chandler's still watching them and go back to laying back.]
[The next day, the boys are awaiting anxiously for Chandler to show up with their invites.]
Lincoln: "Here he comes. Play it cool."
Clyde: "Cool is my middle name." [grabs a glass of water only for it to slip and splash him due to his sweaty palms.]
Lincoln: "Chandler, buddy! How's it go-"
Chandler: "Hey, dude. You got anymore free tokens?"
Lincoln: [confused] "What?" [coolly] "Oh, yeah. Sure." [gives him some more]
Chandler: "Thanks." [takes the tokens and walks away.]
Clyde: "Where are the invitations?"
Lincoln: "He probably just forgot. He's got a lot on his mind planning that big sewage party and all."
Chandler: "Hey, guys. I almost forgot..." [they smile hopefully for what they think is the moment of truth.] "...to ask for three root beers. Can you get us some from your sister?" [heads off]
Clyde: "What's with this guy?"
Lincoln: "Be patient, Clyde. I'm sure we're gonna get our invitations." [goes up to the counter to ask Lori who is cleaning it.] "Hey, Lori, can you spare some root beers for my friends?"
Lori: "Sorry, Lincoln. I gotta cool it on the free stuff. I don't wanna get in trouble with my boss."
Lincoln: [playing the guilt card] "I get it. I know how your boss is. I remember how tough he was when I talked to him about hiring you."
[He smiles toward her as she frowns at this and he now hands Chandler and his posse the root beers.]
Lincoln: "Sorry it took so long. The soda machine exploded. Heh. Almost looks like a sewer backed up in there."
Chandler: [not caring] "Hm. Yeah. Sad story, Larry." [as they took their root beers and go elsewhere.] "Hey, I almost forgot." [Lincoln smiles hopefully] "We'd love a pizza. Half pepperoni, half meatball. Thanks, dude!"
Lincoln: [exasperated] "Sure, dude. Not a problem."
[Cut to Lincoln asking Lori the pizza order]
Lori: "Yeah, that's a problem. Root beers are one thing, but a pizza is too much."
Lincoln: [falsely sympathetic] "I know. I'm sorry. I mean, if anyone knows how hard it is to get you a job, it's me."
Lori: "Are we really doing this?"
Lincoln: [pretending with a cute smile] "Doing what?" [returns to Chandler with the pizza.] "Here's your pizza, guys. Hey, Chandler, may I invite you to have a slice?"
Chandler: "Thanks, dude." [eats pizza]
Lincoln: "Aren't you forgetting something?"
Chandler: "Some pepper flakes would be great."
[Lincoln frowns, sighs, and walks over to Clyde.]
Clyde: "All my clever hints and NOTHING! Maybe we should just ask him for the invitations."
Lincoln: "Clyde, if we're too pushy, he might uninvite us. Let's just keep playing it cool."
Clyde: "You're right, Larry. Ah! Now he's got me doing it."
[Chandler and his posse are playing skeeball and Chandler only gets two tickets.]
Chandler: "Two tickets? Oh, man. I really wanted that ukulele, but it costs 500. Guys, gimme yours."
[Chandler's friends reluctantly hand him their tickets; as he counts them, he sees it's not enough for the ukulele.]
Chandler: "That's all you've got?"
[Lincoln looks over to Clyde who's carefully counting his own tickets.]
Lincoln: "Clyde, give Chandler your tickets."
Clyde: "WHAT?! No way! I almost have enough for Lori's bobblehead pig. A courting man must come bearing gifts, Lincoln."
Lincoln: "Focus on the invitations. We're so close, I can feel it."
Clyde: [sighs and reluctantly offers his tickets] "Here, Chandler. You can have my tickets."
Chandler: "Sweet!" [takes the tickets and goes to cash them in and stops.] "Guys, I can't believe I forgot!" [the boys put on their hopeful faces] "I promised to bring home some garlic knots."
[Lincoln sighs and knows what he has to do.]
Lori: [defiantly] "No more, Lincoln. And don't give me that "you got me this job" baloney. It's not gonna work."
Lincoln: [pleadingly] "Lori, please! I promise, this is the last time! Clyde and I really wanna go to this kid's party, and if we don't give him everything he wants, we could lose our invitations, which, technically, we don't even have yet."
Lori: "Lincoln, you're literally babbling."
Lori's Boss: [off-screen] "Loud! Get back to work!"
[Lori looks on scornfully at a desperate teary-eyed Lincoln, groans, and brings up the garlic knots.]
Lori: "Fine. Now leave me alone."
[Lincoln hands Chandler the garlic knots.]
Chandler: "You rock, Loud. Later!" [takes the garlic knots and stops before heading out the door.] "Oh, one more thing."
[Lincoln and Clyde frown, believing he's gonna mean something other than the invitations.]
Lincoln: [unconvinced] "Right. The marinara dipping sauce."
Chandler: "No, these." [tosses them their invitations]
Lincoln & Clyde: [elated] "YES!!!" [grab them]
Chandler: "Remember, it's my birthday, so you should bring presents."
[As soon as he walks off, they squeal and sing and dance again.]
Lincoln & Clyde: "♫We're gonna party with sewage! We're gonna party with sewage!♫"
[They realize Chandler's watching them again and resume their cool poses like before.]
[Friday night. Lincoln is getting all gussied up for Chandler's party.]
Lincoln: "Looking good."
[As he heads out wearing his suit and galoshes, he drops by Lori and Leni's room to check on his sister.]
Lincoln: "Hey, ready for your dance?" [notices something] "You're not wearing that, are you?"
[Lori is actually in her employee uniform and her dance dress is hung up on the door.]
Lori: "I'm not going to the dance. My boss is making me work tonight to pay for all the free stuff I gave you. Instead of Romance Under the Sea, I'm gonna have mozzarella under the fingernails. Thanks a lot, Lincoln." [leaves for her overtime shift]
[Lincoln looks on at her position with concern. Clyde arrives in a hazmat and knocks on the door. The door opens to reveal Lori. When he sees her, he gasps, puts on his helmet, and chants "La-la" again.]
Clyde: [takes the helmet off] "Phew. That was a close one."
Lincoln: "Clyde? What are you wearing?"
Clyde: "This is the only way my dads would let me visit a place where I might get splashed with raw sewage. Speaking of which, are you ready to make this the greatest night ever?"
Lincoln: [noticing Lori drive off to work.] "Yes...I am."
[Gus's Games & Grub]
Lori's Boss: "Loud, get to work! If you have time to lean, you have time to clean!"
[Instead of Lori, it's Lincoln working the shift.]
Lincoln: "I'm on it!"
[As he starts cleaning the tables, Lori arrives in her sea queen dress, sparkling with radiant beauty.]
Lincoln: [frightened] "GYAH! SEA MONSTER!" [realizes] "I mean, you look great, Lori."
Lori: [excited] "I know, right? Hey, little bro, thanks for convincing the manager to let you fill in for me."
Lincoln: "Heh. It's the least I could do. I mean, this dance is why you got this job in the first place."
Lori: "I'm sorry you won't get to go to your friend's party."
Lincoln: "That's okay. He's not really my friend. He was just using me, the way I was using you. Have an awesome time tonight."
Lori: "Thanks, Lincoln."
[A loud crash is heard outside.]
Lincoln and Lori: [at the same time; Lincoln concerned and Lori jubilant.] "Bobby's here."
[Sometime later, Clyde drops in on Lincoln's shift.]
Clyde: "Hey, Linc!"
Lincoln: "Clyde? What are you doing here?"
Clyde: "I couldn't go to that party without you, Lincoln. Besides, the hazmat suit was giving me a heat rash."
Lincoln: "I guess we'll never get to experience the wonders of raw sewage."
Clyde: "Or have our nose hairs burned off by the stench."
Lori's Boss: [off-screen] "Hey, Loud! Grab a mop! The toilet in stall three is overflowing. It's a real stinkfest in there."
[The boys have an idea]
Lincoln: "Put on your galoshes, Clyde, 'cuz it's time to party!"
Lincoln and Clyde: "YEAH!!!" [tango into the restroom]
[The shot changes to outside the arcade while the stinkfest can only be described.]
Lincoln: "Whoa! This is better than the sewage treatment plant!"
Clyde: "It's burning my nose hairs!"
| v - e - d The Loud House episode transcripts