The following is a transcript for the episode "The Write Stuff".
[The episode begins outside Royal Woods Elementary. Rita is in Vanzilla reading her book with a cup of coffee in her hand.]
Rita: [reading a page out loud] "'And as the footsteps grew louder, [sips her coffee] he pulled back the curtain, with a shaking hand and saw-'"
Lucy: [Appears on the passenger seat] "Hi, Mom."
Rita: [Startled] "Gahh! I mean, hi, sweetie. How was writing club?"
Lucy: "Sigh. I'm thinking of dropping out."
Rita: "Dropping out? But you were so excited to join."
Lucy: "That was before I knew Principal Huggins was in charge."
[Flashback to when Principal Huggins was in charge of the writing club.]
Principal Huggins: "To apostrophize, or not to apostrophize, that is the question, and a complex one at that." [Amir thunks his head on the desk. Flashback #2.] "Today, I've got a fun writing assignment for you." [The students smile] "About the dangers of misusing the semicolon." [Amir thunks his head on the desk again. Flashback #3.] "Now, pay close attention, make sure you're holding the pencil at the proper angle." [Notices something and shakes his head.] "No, no, Amir, you're at least three degrees off."
Lucy: "When do we get to actually write?"
Principal Huggins: "Fundamentals before fun, young lady. Now, let's see your erasing technique."
[Everyone thunks their heads down on the desks. End of flashbacks.]
Lucy: "Writing used to be my passion. Now I don't even enjoy pending a simple eulogy."
Rita: [She stops Vanzilla and the tires screech.] "What is Principal Huggins thinking? Writing isn't about rules, it's about being creative! Getting inspired! Taking risks! Expressing your feelings and ideas!
[The light turns green and the car behind Vanzilla honks.]
Lucy: "Mom, the light's green."
Rita: "Yes. I see that." [Turns Vanzilla around] "Point is, I am going to talk to your principal."
[At school, Rita is in the office, standing next to Cheryl's desk.]
Cheryl: "I'm sorry, Mrs. Loud, but Principal Huggins is getting his performance review right now." [Whispers] "And between you and me and the flagpole, it is not going well."
[A lady steps out of Huggins' office.]
Principal Huggins: "Superintendent Chen, wait. I haven't showed you my new color-coded demerit system."
Superintendent Chen: "I've seen all I need to see, Huggins. I'm giving you a rating of..." [Principal Huggins looks at Cheryl. Cheryl looks forward and Rita looks at Cheryl, and then Cheryl looks at Huggins, and Principal Huggins looks at Superintendent Chen.] "...mediocre." [Rita, Cheryl, and Principal Huggins gasp.] "Now, excuse me. I got other principals to destroy." [She leaves]
Principal Huggins: [groans] "There's no pleasing that woman."
Cheryl: [clears throat] "Principal Huggins, Mrs. Loud is here with some suggestions for the writing club. She's a genuine author."
Rita: "I just had a few ideas to get the kids more excited about writing."
Principal Huggins: "Oh, so now my work with the writing club is mediocre, too. Well, if you're such an expert, maybe you should try running it yourself."
Rita: "I would love to!"
Principal Huggins: "Oh, I was being sarcastic. But then again, it would free up time for me to find ways to improve my rating."
Rita: [gasps] "Thank you, Principal Huggins. I won't let you down." [leaves]
Principal Huggins: "Maybe I could institute a school wide "no slouching" policy."
[Cheryl gets shocked after hearing this.]
ONE WEEK LATER...
[Cheryl opens the door of the writing club for Rita.]
Cheryl: "And here's where you can set up for this week's meetin'. Just give me a jingle if you need anything. I'm helping Principal Huggins conduct surprise posture checks."
Principal Huggins: [Seen chasing Artie down the hallway.] "Dombrowski, shoulders back!"
Cheryl: "Mm-hmm." [Leaves the classroom and shuts the door.]
[Rita walks over to the desk and places her stuff on the desk. Rita sees and picks up a note from Principal Huggins.]
Principal Huggins: "Everything you need to lead the club is in here. STICK TO THE BOOK!"
Rita: "Were the all caps necessary?" [Grabs the book] "Let's see. "Common adverb errors. Noun versus pronouns." [Closes the book] "Snooze." [Opens a desk drawer, puts the book in it, and then shuts it. Just then, the door opens.]
Amir: "Mrs. Loud?"
Sasha: "Lucy's mom?"
Lucy: "What are you doing here?"
Rita: "I'm taking over the writing club for a while. Does everyone have their textbooks?" [The students open their backpacks and show Rita their textbooks.] "Great. Well, you can put them away, because we're going on a field trip!"
[The students put their textbooks back in their backpacks.]
Sasha: "We've never gone on a field trip."
Rita: "Well, I was thinking we can venture out to find some poetic inspiration." [Leaves the classroom. The students do the same thing.]
[Later, Vanzilla arrives at Flip's Food and Fuel.]
Haiku: "Flip's? What's poetic about a convenience store?"
Rita: "You might be surprised. Now, I want you to take note of everything you see, smell, taste, touch, and hear." [Gets out four notebooks. The students grab a notebook from Rita.]
Lucy: "Does it matter how we hold our pencils?"
Rita: "Not one bit."
[Inside Flip's, Amir opens one of the car air fresheners and gives it a whiff. He tosses it away and starts writing in his notebook.]
Amir: "Summer rain, spring daffodil..." [sniffs again] "Pickled eggs?" [Sees Flip licking an egg, notices Amir, and grins sheepishly.]
[Over at the Flippee machine...]
Haiku: "Hmm..." [starts writing] "The way the sour cherry swirls into the black licorice reminds me of a sunset over the cemetery."
[Hot dogs are seen cooking as the heat is sizzling, the popcorn is popping in the popcorn machine, and the nacho cheese is popping in the nacho cheese machine.]
Lucy: [Begins writing] "I've heard these sounds before. But I've never really listened." [Stops writing and smiles]
[Later outside Flip's, The club is seen sitting at a table.]
Amir: "Flip. His past may be murky. His tooth may be jerky. But I think he's just quirky. Flip."
[The girls snap their fingers.]
Rita: "Nice job, Amir."
[Amir walks over to sit down.]
Haiku: "Hey, does anyone have a rhyme for "Flippee"?"
Lucy: "Hippy. Drippy. Mississippi."
Haiku: [Writes in her notepad.] "Love."
Sasha: "To the new and improved writing club." [Holds up her Flippee]
Lucy, Haiku, and Amir: "To the new and improved writing club." [hold up their Flippees]
[At the Petting Zoo, The writing club is watching animals, and holding their notepads.]
Rita: "Everyone, pick an animal, then try writing a story through its eyes."
[A screaming goat that has hair like Lucy's bleats.]
Lucy: "Yes, I sense our connection too." [Starts writing]
[At Sunset Canyon, the writing club is with Scoots.]
Scoots: "Oh, why the heck would you want to hear my story?"
Rita: "Every life can inspire art, Scoots."
Scoots: "Humph. Sounds a little cray, but fine. I was born in a stolen ice cream truck. Mother was jonesin' for some rocky road and wasn't taking "No" for an answer."
[The club starts writing.]
[Later, Vanzilla arrives back at the school.]
Rita: "Before you guys go home, I just want to say how proud I am of the brilliant work you've been doing. You deserve a chance to show it off. So next week's field trip is an extra special one: Open mic Thursday at the Burnt Bean!"
[The club gasps.]
Haiku: "That coffee house in the cool part of Fern Valley?"
Rita: "That's right."
Haiku: "College students hang out there."
Rita: "Now, get out of here you creative geniuses."
[Sasha, Amir, and Haiku leave Vanzilla.]
Sasha: "All right!"
Haiku: "This is gonna be great."
Amir: "Maybe I could borrow my big brother's fedora."
Lucy: "Thanks, Mom." [Hugs Rita] "For everything."
ONE WEEK LATER...
Rita: "Today's the day. How's everyone feeling? Nervous? Excited? Little bit of both?"
Sasha: "So psyched!"
Haiku: "Nervous, but zen about it."
Lucy: "I'm bursting with excitement."
Amir: "Is the fedora too much? Am I pulling it off?"
Principal Huggins: [offscreen] "Oh, I don't think you'll be pulling any of this off."
[They turn to see Huggins at the door.]
Lucy, Sasha, Haiku, and Amir: "Principal Huggins!"
Rita: [Nervous] "What a nice surprise."
Principal Huggins: "Spare me your pleasantries, Mrs. Loud, I know all about the little field trips you've been taking behind my back."
Rita: "Oh, well, I just wanted to show the kids that writing can be fun."
Principal Huggins: "No, no, fundamentals before fun! It's all in the book I gave you, which seems to have gone missing."
Rita: "I'm sorry." [Gets the book from the drawer.] "I just found the material a bit dry."
Principal Huggins: "I don't believe I asked you for your review. From now on, you will follow said material and keep students in the classroom."
Rita: "But Principal Huggins, the kids are so excited about the open mic. Can't I at least take them to that?"
Principal Huggins: "Not if you wish to remain in charge of the writing club."
Rita: "But, but--."
Amir: "It's okay, Mrs. Loud, we don't have to go."
Sasha: "We don't wanna lose you."
Principal Huggins: "May I recommend starting on page 40? There's a neat little lesson about plural possessives." [Goes to sit down on a chair.]
[The kids look upset. Rita also looks upset. Later on...]
Rita: [Reads the book with very little enthusiasm.] "Unless the surname ends in an E-S." [Yawns] "In which case, the proceeding rule does not apply." [The students thunk their heads down on the desks once again.] "You see, Principal Huggins? This is exactly what I… [Realizes Principal Huggins is asleep. She looks out the window and sees Vanzilla, which gives her an idea. She writes a note and folds it into a paper airplane that hits Lucy's head. Lucy puts her head up and sees the note.]
Lucy: "Let's get outta here!"
[Rita gives a signal at Lucy and Lucy cracks a smile. Rita gets the students out the window to escape the classroom. She then looks over to Principal Huggins.]
Principal Huggins: [Snores] "Mediocre..." [Continues snoring. Rita climbs out the window and gets in Vanzilla with the students and off they go for the Burnt Bean.]
Coffee Store Manager: "Okay, okay, everybody. Let's give it up for Bud Grouse and his poem "My yard, My property." Okay, last call for any more performers in the house."
Rita: [Opens the door] "Yes! There's a whole van load of talented young writers right here."
Coffee Store Manager: "Oh, okay, cool. Alright then, come on up!"
Rita: "This is it, guys, have fun."
Sasha: "Whoo hoo!"
Amir: "I'm so glad I have my hat."
[Suddenly, Principal Huggins' golf cart honks.]
Lucy: "What's that?"
[The club looks out the windows to see Principal Huggins has arrived and is not happy.]
Amir: "It's Principal Huggins! He found us!"
[Principal Huggins looks at the windows.]
Rita: "Don't worry. I'll take care of him. Just get up there and perform."
[Rita looks out the window. As Principal Huggins gets out of his golf cart, a security guy appears.]
Mustache Guy: "Sorry sir, this is a no golf cart zone."
Principal Huggins: "No golf cart zone? I've never heard of anything like that."
Mustache Guy: [Taps Principal Huggins] "Listen, bro, unless you're the kind of guy who isn't into following rules..."
Principal Huggins: "Oh, no, no, I love rules."
Mustache Guy: "Well, great. There's a golf cart parking fifty blocks that way." [Points out said direction]
Principal Huggins: "Fifty blocks?"
Mustache Guy: "Uh, yep."
[Principal Higgins drives away.]
Rita: [Opens the door] "Thank you, sir." [Hands him the money]
Mustache Guy: "Oh, sure. No problem, lady."
[Rita goes back inside to watch the writing club perform.]
Lucy: "The hot dogs sizzle, the nachos cheese goes plop, in the snack aisle at Flip's, the symphony never stops. Thank you."
Coffee Store Manager: [Snaps fingers as well as everyone else.] "Alright. Let's hear it."
[The students take a bow.]
Rita: "Whoo! So proud of you, guys."
Principal Huggins: [Bursts though the door] "You!"
Rita: "Dang it."
Principal Huggins: [Walks towards Rita] "Did you really think you would get away with this?"
Rita: [Sighs] "No. I knew I wouldn't. But I had to let these kids share the work they're so passionate about, even if it meant getting fired from the club."
Principal Huggins: "That's exactly what it means. You're out, and Huggins is back in. You hear that, kids? I'm in charge."
Superintendent Chen: [offscreen] "Are you indeed?"
Principal Huggins: "Superintendent Chen. I can explain what these kids are doing in such a seedy establishment... for which you have a T-shirt and a frequent customer mug."
Superintendent Chen: "Huggins, I'm impressed. I don't know what you've been doing in that writing club, but you've clearly inspired these kids." [Huggins grows shocked to hear that.] "You know what? I'm going to improve your rating from mediocre..." [Huggins looks at Rita and the manager while they look at the kids and Rita and the manager look back at Huggins and he looks at Superintendent Chen.] "...to above average."
Principal Huggins: "Above average? Me?"
Superintendent Chen: "You've earned it."
Principal Huggins: [Looks at Rita] "Actually, I haven't. This is the woman to whom all credit belongs."
Superintendent Chen: "Really?" [Shakes Rita's hand] "Well done, madam."
Rita: "Thank you, but, you know, uh, Principal Huggins deserves credit, too. He's given the students a very thorough education in the fundamentals, which are just as important as the fun."
Superintendent Chen: "Well, sounds like you two should run the club together."
Rita & Principal Huggins: "Together?"
Superintendent Chen: [Starts walking away] "Something to think about."
[The two smile at each other, liking the idea.]
[Later, the writing club is on a plane with Principal Huggins reading about gerunds out loud.]
Principal Huggins: "Alright, students, can anyone tell me what a gerund is?"
Sasha: "A verb that acts like a noun."
Lucy: "Always ending in "ing"."
Principal Huggins: "Excellent." [Puts his helmet on] "Now let's practice writing them. Take it away, Mrs. Loud."
Rita: "Roger." [Starts the plane. The plane then goes fast and take to the skies.]
Amir: "Wow, Lucy! Your mom can write, perform root canals, and fly a plane?"
Rita: "Alright, who's got a gerund?"
Sasha: "Ooh, I do! How about "flying"?"
Rita: "Nice! Let's write!"
[The plane writes down the word "flying" in the sky.]
Haiku: "Woo-hoo, I love writing."
Rita: "Good one."
Haiku: "Hurtling?" As in toward the Earth?"
Rita: "Like this? All great examples. How about a gerund from Principal Huggins?"
Principal Huggins: [Starts to feel airsick and vomits.] "Retching!"
[The plane writes down "The end" in the sky.]
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