The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The bus pulls up outside Royal Woods Middle School. Right in front of a puddle with an upright pink roller skate in it. A girl casually hops off the bus and slips on the skate, landing in the puddle. Sophia gets off but trips over her. Then a boy gets off only for the skate to hit him in the head, he falls over too. Lincoln on the other hand actually watches where he's going and steps over them. He casually strolls to the building] Lincoln:[To the audience] "As you can see, I'm pretty much an expert at this middle school thing." Lynn:[Offscreen, but running towards Lincoln from behind] "Incoming!" [Lincoln ducks letting her jump over him] "Official hall monitor business." [Plows right through three bystanders, they all manage to land upright, but their clothing attire has been swapped around; the girl who is now wearing clothing of the boy next to her manages to catch his suitcase] Lincoln: "Like I said, no surprises for this guy." [Opens the door and gets a big surprise. A blast of freezing wind leading into a hallway full of ice and snow] "Woah!" [The wind blasts snow into Lincoln's face, resembling Santa Claus] "Oh, that's a surprise." [Shakes it off. Lincoln walks down the really cold hallway, seeing the cold air coming from the air conditioning vent. Suddenly he slips in some ice, landing right next to his freezing friends] "Hey, w-why is it so c-c-c-cold in here today?" Rusty: "And how did that pigeon in a tuxedo get in here?" [Rusty is referring to what is actually a penguin. The friends manage to stop shivering as it waddles by] Zach: "I hear this happens right before the Yetis take over." [Looks over] "Oh my gosh! They already got Andrew!" [Andrew, who is wearing a cat onesie, had been frozen in an ice cube. Just then Principal Ramirez, who is apparently unaffected by the cold at all, skates past Andrew while watching a video on her phone. She looks up and notices the Action News Team in front of her, she leaps right over them] Principal Ramirez: "Good morning, kids. Hope you're enjoying the cooler temperature. As Astrid Bjorklundson says… 'Temperatures as cold as ice will help the children learn real nice.'" Liam: "Who is this Bjorklundson character anyway?" Principal Ramirez: "She's a leading education specialist from Sweden. And she has the coolest glasses. Check her out." [Puls up the video on her phone and hits play] Astrid: "My patented Astrid Method has improved student performance in over fifty countries. I not only preach the Astrid Method, I practice it myself." [Jumps into a small hole in the ice she's standing on, and pops right out of an adjacent one] "Brr! Thanks to that icy plunge, I just got ten new ideas!" [The words POWER BRAIN appear on the screen] "Hej då!" Principal Ramirez: "Soon enough, you kids will be the top students in all of Southeast Michigan! I can see you're all shaking with excitement." [They are indeed shaking, but from the cold] "And just a heads-up, from now on school will start at six a.m. for mindful yoga." [Plays another video] Astrid: "To aid the student's aspirations, begin the day with meditations." [Does a headstand as she speaks. She dismounts into a split] "Astrid Power Pose!" Principal Ramirez: "Fun, right? Hej då!" [Skates off] Rusty: "I can't start school that early. I need two hours in the morning to deep-condition my fiery mane." [Rusty is referring to his hair, a chunk of which suddenly breaks off from the cold. The penguin takes it and wears it. Rusty screams in despair at this and chases after the penguin] "Hey! Give that back!"
[At Lunch, Rusty puts a hat on over where his hair broke] Stella: "How are we supposed to focus when our brains are frozen solid?" Lincoln: "At least Pizza Wednesday will help warm us up." [Out of nowhere, Chef Pat places a lunch tray with a strap around Lincoln's neck, on the tray is a raw fish] Clyde: "That's definitely not pepperoni." [The fish is still slimy] "Chef Patricia, I feel like this must be a culinary mistake." Chef Pat:[Not seeming to like the new rules either] "Nope. School's on the new Astrid Meal Plan now. Monday, salted cod; Tuesday, salted herring; Wednesday… Well, you get the idea." Zach: "Why are we eating so much fish?" Chef Pat: "Astrid says it's brain food. And I quote. 'If for a test you are crammin', have a plate of salted salmon'." [Places the next tray around Clyde's neck] Clyde:[Just noticing the strap] "Huh, what's this strap for?" Chef Pat: "Another one of Fish Lady's big ideas. You have to take gym class while you eat." Clyde: "Huh?"
[Outside on the track, Coach Keck blows her whistle] Coach Keck: "Faster! And keep eating! 'Combining lunch with moderate cardio gets the brain working extra hard-io!'" [Lincoln tries to eat his fish but it's just too gross. Stella has hers hanging out of her mouth. Liam has two in his hands, but they slip right out, hitting Clyde and Zach in their faces. Rusty is distracted by his mush and runs right into them. They crash right next to where Lincoln is catching his breath while Liam is patting Stella on the back, Stella trying not to puke] Lincoln: "You guys, all these changes are ruining our lives." [Throws the tray] "We have to get the school back the way it was." [In the office, Meryl hates these changes just as much as everyone else. She is in her winter attire and still freezing. The Action News Team approaches her, Lincoln wearing his convincing suit] Lincoln: "Meryl, we'd like to speak with Principal Ramirez about her new Astrid Method. It's urgent." Meryl:[Knowing what Lincoln is capable of] "Oh, thank goodness. Her changes are more annoying than a skeeter in your bloomers." Stella:[Carrying the slides] "She's messed up your life too?" Meryl: "Yes, ma'am. Can y'all believe Astrid said potty breaks are disruptive to administrative work?" [Pushes her desk forward as she gets up, from what is a toilet right behind her desk] "Now I gotta sit on this all day." [The Action News Team is revolted. Just then, Principal Ramirez comes out of her office and is startled, seeing the Action News Team with a box of slides] Lincoln: "Oh, Principal Ramirez. We have a slideshow we'd like to show you on why the Astrid Method isn't working." [Gets ready to present, but Principal Ramirez just shuts off the projector] Principal Ramirez: "Lincoln, I need to go buy a whole bunch of bamboo yoga mats. I don't have time for your usual twenty-thousand slides." [Walks right out of the office] Lincoln:[Heads her off] "But we trimmed it down to a very bladder friendly ten-thousand." Principal Ramirez: "Listen, I know change is hard. But as Astrid says, 'Present pain leads to future gain'. Someday you'll all be thanking me in your Nobel Prize acceptance speeches." Liam: "Fat chance. If I don't thank Mee-Maw, I'll be sleepin' in the barn." Lincoln: "We can't give up. There's gotta be a way to convince Principal Ramirez." Clyde: "I don't know how. The only person she listens to is Astrid." Stella: "Clyde, you might be onto something."
[Later, behind a door labeled 'PROP ROOM' the boys are waiting around a curtain] Lincoln: "Let's see your outfit, Stella. Oops, I mean Astrid." [Stella comes out from the inside curtain, dressed as Astrid] Stella:[In a Swedish accent, and also able to rhyme words] "If some fooling is what you're needin', just pretend that you're from Sweden." [Spins and stops in a yoga pose] "Hej då." [The boys cheer, until Stella loses her balance and falls over] Clyde:[Takes out his phone] "Brilliant! But I'm not sure you've completely nailed the look." [Shows Stella Astrid's photo. More specifically, Astrid's signature rose-coloured butterfly-shaped glasses. Stella gets an idea. She takes Zach's glasses, origami folds them into Astrid's butterfly shape, and puts them on] Lincoln: "Color those glasses red and you're a perfect match." Zach:[Who can't see clearly] "Yeah, totally. You look just like her. But…" [Sniffs] "Ugh, Stella, you need a bath." [He's actually smelling the penguin] "You smell like sardines."
[Later, Meryl is trying to chisel her computer out of a block of ice when Principal Ramirez steps out of her office, wearing workout clothes despite the frigid temperature.] Principal Ramirez: "Meryl, the new Astrid video is dropping any minute now! Cancel all my meetings." [Places a headband on and returns to her office] Meryl:[Puts down the mallet and chisel] "You're all clear." [Attempts to flush the wall calendar down her toilet, but it overflows] "And I'm all clogged." [According to the Principal's laptop, astrid is live in thirty-five seconds and counting. Principal Ramirez is running on a treadmill eating a fish. She doesn't notice a pair of round glasses watching her from the bush outside her window. Clyde discreetly plugs something into the principal's laptop, Principal Ramirez doesn't notice] Clyde:[Into a walkie-talkie] "Operation 'Astrid La Vista Baby' is a go." [The cable he plugged in leads all the way to the second floor of the building into the Action News Team studio] Zach: "Intercepting Astrid's live stream in three… two… one." [Points in the direction he's facing, and Lincoln turns him to face where Liam's camera is pointed. Stella is standing in front of a snowy backdrop in a one-legged standing pose] Stella:"Good morgen." [Loses her balance for a moment] "I'm Astrid Bjorklundson. I'm horribly embarrassed to admit this, but I was wrong. New studies have proven that my method doesn't boost aca…" [Pulls down a chart, but then stops in the middle of her sentence. Turns out Rusty's holding the cue card upside down. He chuckles and flips it over] "Academic excellence." [Principal Ramirez is watching this] "Don't listen to Astrid anymore. Go back to the way things were before." [Chuckles and takes a bow] "Hej då." [Tries another pose and falls over. She gets up] "And don't bother checking my feed for any more videos ever again. Hej då." [Principal Ramirez is so shocked she slides right off her treadmill] Principal Ramirez: "Wow, I didn't see that coming. Well if that's what the new studies say." [Outside the office, Meryl is trying to plunge her toilet] "Meryl…" [Notices what Meryl is doing] "Turn the heat back on and pack up the salted cod. The Astrid Method is officially canceled." Meryl:[Throws her arms in the air] "Ooh-ha!" [Laughs]
[The next morning, Lincoln and his friends, Rusty still wearing the hat and Zach still without his glasses, are enjoying having everything back the way it was] Lincoln: "Seventy-five degrees, mac and cheese on the lunch menu, Andrew's thawed out." [Andrew walks past them, looking moist and angry] "Everything's back to normal." [They're about to turn a corner when they are almost run into by Principal Ramirez who seems to be in a hurry. They all end up on the floor] Principal Ramirez:[Gets up and dusts herself off] "Sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush. Just got an email from Astrid's book club. She's on tour with a new advice book, Are You There, Cod? It's Me Astrid." [Shows them a photo of Astrid's book] Stella: "Oh. I thought we were done with the Astrid Method." Principal Ramirez: "I thought so too. But why would she write another book if her methods don't work? I'm gonna meet her and find out what's going on." Clyde:[Shocked] "You're meeting with Astrid." Principal Ramirez: "Of course! Her first stop is Hazeltucky, today." [Dashes off] "And I'm late." Stella: "Oh, this is so not good. If Principal Ramirez and Astrid meet, we're more busted than Rusty's hair." Lincoln: "We have to make sure they don't meet."
[Later, they arrive at the Hard Back's Bookstore where a line of women is going out the door. The kids look inside, Zach looking the wrong way, Liam notices and turns his head the right way. They see Astrid in person signing some guy's book] Lincoln: "Okay, everybody knows the plan?" [His friends nod and Stella puts the glasses back on] "Let's go." [Astrid signs another book and Lincoln and Rusty approach her] "Hi, Ms. Bjorklundson." [Vigorously shakes her hand] "We're struggling with the Astrid Power Pose. Can you show us how it's done… outside?" [Without an answer Lincoln drags Astrid outside] Astrid: "Uff da!" [Stella, who is back in her Astrid disguise, takes Astrid's place. A woman steps up] Stella:[In a Swedish accent] "Halla, miss. Step on up." Older Woman:[Actually buying it] "Hi, Astrid. I'm such a huge fan. I've been dying to ask, what inspired chapter seven?" Stella:[Who's never actually read it, clears her throat] "Well, there I was, taking an ice bath and enjoying a herring sandwich, and I thought, what should come after chapter six?" [Gasps] "I know! Chapter seven!" [Signs the book] "Hej då!" Older Woman:[Drily] "How fascinating." [The woman leaves] Stella: "Phew." [Outside, Astrid is doing her power pose] Astrid: "Now, turn your hips to the left and your heart to the right." [Lincoln and Zach are struggling with this] Lincoln: "Turn my lips to the right?" Astrid: "Nej, nej, nej. Now center your weight and your mind." [Manages to stand in one hand and sighs contentedly. Lincoln and Zach are still struggling] Rusty:[Offscreen] "Check it out playas." [He's got it] "I'm doing it." [Zach goes up to his best friend, innocently whistling, and pushes him] Zach: "Oops. Looks like he's not doing it now. Uh, you can't leave, Astrid. We need a lot more help." [Inside, Stella is still signing books as Astrid, when her principal arrives] Principal Ramirez: "Hi, Astrid." Stella:[In her normal voice] "Hi, Principal Ramir-" [remembers and goes back to Swedish] "I mean, halla, stranger I've never met before." Principal Ramirez:[A little suspicious, not leaves it] "I need to ask you…" Stella: "Let me guess. If the Astrid Method doesn't work, why am I here promoting another book?" Principal Ramirez: "Wow, you're good." Stella: "Sometimes questions don't have answers, and sometimes answers shouldn't be questioned. Hej då." [Ushers Principal Ramirez away and goes to the table, thinking she got rid of Ramirez, but she hasn't] Principal Ramirez: "Wait, I have a question about that answer." [Stella is nervous. Outside, Astrid is still coaching the boys. Lincoln and Zach are really tangled up] Astrid:[Looking at her wrist] "Well, this is a great start. A few more six a.m. sessions, and you'll have it." [Walks back inside. Suddenly Lincoln and Zach snap back to their original alignments. Back inside, Principal Ramirez is drooling in confusion] Stella: "And sometimes questions are answers, and the answer isn't always the question you want it to be." [Shoves Principal Ramirez's book back at her] "Hej då!" Principal Ramirez: "Well, I'm still not getting it. But maybe an ice bath will clear things up." [Starts to leave but bumps right into the real Astrid] Astrid: "Uff da!" Principal Ramirez: "Sorry, I-" [Realizes who it is, she looks back at the character she was just talking to] "Huh? Two Astrids? What's going on?" Stella: "Uh, uh, she's an imposter! I'm Astrid!" Astrid: "Oh, ja? Well, can you do this, Fake Astrid?" [Does a back handspring, launching into a flip and lands in her signature Power Pose. The words actually appearing over her head. Stella pops the word pose. Stella jumps up and spins, but just crashes into a pile of books. She gets up, her wig falling off. The angry principal has an idea who the imposter is, on both points]
[Later, Principal Ramirez is having a word with the entire Action News Team] Stella: "We're sorry, Principal Ramirez. We shouldn't have deceived you." Lincoln: "It's just that the Astrid Method was making us miserable." Rusty: "Eating all that fish was cramping my style with the ladies." [His friends just glare at him as he uses breath spray] Zach: "Yeah, it was the fish." Principal Ramirez: "Look, it's my job to make sure you're set up to succeed. And the Astrid Method guarantees that will happen. So, we'll resume the program on Monday." Lincoln:[While his friends groan] "Dang it." Astrid: "Nej, wait." [Walks up] "Principal Ramirez, studies have shown that student happiness is crucial for success. If these children aren't happy, than that means the program isn't working. I'm going to have to rethink it." [To the kids] "Thank you for your honest feedback."
[Back at school, everything is staying the way it was] Rusty: "I don't know, dawgs." [Still wearing a toque over his hair] "I think I'm digging this new look." Zach:[Finally has his glasses back, still in Astrid's style] "Yeah, we're digging ours too." [Is walking with the penguin, who still has Rusty's hair. They high-five]
[The end.]
