The following is a transcript for the episode "Tough Cookies".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[At school, Lincoln is at his locker when Clyde shows up with a plate of cookies.] Clyde: "Hey buddy. Do you wanna try my latest baking creation?" Lincoln: "Do I? I mean, yes, I definitely do." [eats a cookie; his hair pops off and fireworks appear on his eyes.] "These are amazing, Clyde!" Clyde: "Thanks! You gave me the idea, actually. Oatmeal and butterscotch, together at last!" Principal Huggins:[slides on the floor] "Who's been dirtying my freshly waxed hallways, and on the day of the school board meeting?" [He sniffs the smell of Clyde's cookies. The wisp turns into a finger that rubs his nose.] "Do I smell... butterscotch?" Clyde: "Yes. Would you like a cookie?" Principal Huggins: "Ah." [Eats a cookie; for a brief moment his hair pops off and fireworks appear from his eyes.] "These are quite exquisite." [To Lincoln and Clyde] "Look. I know it's rather short notice, but could you make a few dozen of these cookies for the school board meeting tonight? Superintendent Chen has quite the sweet tooth." Clyde: "Eh, I don't know. We were going to get started in our history project tonight." Principal Huggins: "Please! I beg you. Superintendent Chen can always tell when baked goods are store-bought! I'll pay, handsomely." [Dollar signs appear on Lincoln and Clyde's eyes, and they smile with it.] Clyde: "We'll totally help!" Principal Huggins: Excellent! Thank you, boys! [skates on the floor with his hair sticking off.] Clyde and Lincoln: "Aw, yeah!" [A montage of the mixer mixing out the dough, dough pieces being put on a tray, and a kitchen timer appears. Clyde uses his potholder to bring out the freshly baked cookies in a tray. Lincoln and Clyde both sniff its smell.]
[School. Superintendent Chen and Principal Huggins are walking on the hallway.] Superintendent Chen: "We have a lot to discuss, Principal Huggins." [slides on the floor, but hangs on a locker, angrily looking at him.] "Like all the money you've been spending on floor wax." Principal Huggins:[Holds her up.] "Well, I, uh... --oh good!" [--He lets go, causing her to slip and fall. He then runs and grabs the plate of cookies from Lincoln and Clyde, whom are wearing helmets.] "The refreshments are here." Superintendent Chen:[Hurt] "Ouch." [He offers a plate of cookies to Superintendent Chen.] Principal Huggins: "Care for a cookie?" Superintendent Chen:[eats a cookie; her hair stick up into a mess and fireworks appear on her eyes; She arranges her hair again.] "Oh, these are delicious!" [eats more cookies] "And definitely not store-bought! Now what was I saying?" Principal Huggins: "Oh, who can recall? Have another." [Offers all the cookies to Superintendent Chen, who eats all of them. Whispers to Lincoln and Clyde] "You two just saved the day. Here's your payment, plus a little extra." [Principal Huggins gives the boys their money.] Superintendent Chen:[Still eating] "These are so good. Oh, do you boys have a business? Mmm... I'd love to place an order." Lincoln & Clyde:[Both laugh] "Oh, we don't have a..." [Gasp and realize] "We should totally start a cookie business! We'd be the Cookie Kings of Royal Woods!" [Their fantasy starts. Lincoln and Clyde dress up with their robes and crowns, waving to the crowd and throw out cookies to the crowd as they cheer for them.] "Cookies! Cookies for everyone!" Cookie Assistant: "Mr. McBride, Mr. Loud, you're needed in the tasting room." [Clyde pulls a lever, which brings him with Lincoln to the tasting room on a "butterscotch slide".] Clyde: "Ooh! Which of these new flavors should we release? Caramel Crunch? Mocha Fudge? Marshmallow Swirl?" Lincoln: "All of them!" Cookie Assistant:[Runs in] "I'm so sorry, Mr. McBride and Mr. Loud. But we've run out of room for all the money you're making." [Suddenly, all the money drops down on them. Lincoln and Clyde then open it up while holding bags of money. End of fantasy.] Lincoln: "It'll be perfect! We've got everything we need. You're a baking genius..." Clyde: "And you're great at getting people to buy stuff! Like this shirt! I never thought I could do stripes." Lincoln: "Now let's get out there and start taking orders!" Clyde: "Yeah! [Realizes something] Oh... but should we get that history project out of the way first?" Lincoln: Homework can wait, when we're the "Cookie Kings of Royal Woods", will anyone care how we did on some history project?" Clyde:[Laughs] "What history project? Let's do this!" [Clyde and Lincoln both ride on their bicycles.]
[The next day. At the flower shop, a man is seen trying to make a decision.] Indecisive Man: "Hmm... should I get her roses? Oh-ho, those are plaid-out." Lincoln:[Pops up in front of him, startling him.] "This anniversary, why not give her what she really wants?" Clyde: "Cookies!" [Also pops up in front of him, startling him.] "Here, try a sample!" Indecisive Man:[Eats the cookie, and his sunglasses fly off and fireworks appear from his eyes.] "These rule! Oh, I'll take two dozen!" Clyde: "Great! We'll just get your info and-" Florist:[Flails his arms and angrily raises his fist] "Hey! Quit stealin' my customers!" [Lincoln and Clyde scream and run away. The Indecisive Man shows a nervous smile at the Florist.]
[Later, at the soccer field Lynn is practicing kicking the ball when the boys approach her] Lynn:[Relaxed] "Hey guys. What you doin' at my soccer practice?" [Bicycle kicks the soccer ball, then stretches her legs.] "Need me to open a jar or somethin'?" Lincoln: "Actually, we'd thought your team might like to order some cookies." [She pushes the plate of cookies by Lincoln's face.] Lynn:[Buzzer sound; dismayed] "Come on, Stinkin'! Athletes can't be slamming sugar!" Clyde: "Actually, these are made with unsweetened apple sauce, whole grains, and protein-packed peanut powder." Lynn:[Eats a cookie; her hair pops off and fireworks appear on her eyes.] "WOW WOW! We'll take six dozen for our next match against Fern Valley!"
[Scene shows Lynn's Table restaurant. Lynn Sr. is shown in the kitchen multitasking his work between opening and closing the oven door, frying, boiling and stirring.] Clyde: "Looks like you've got a lot on your plate there, Mr. Loud! Why not let us-- handle the dessert menu?" [--Clyde wraps his arms around Lincoln's shoulder. He offers to Lynn Sr. the cookies.] Lynn Sr.:[Eats it, his chef hat pops up and fireworks appear on his eyes, but it is revealed that the chef hat becomes stuck in the exhaust fan.] "Dang exhaust fan! Anyway, these cookies are out of this world! You got yourselves a deal. You know, running a business is a big responsibility. You boys want some pointers? It's not all a piece of... CAKE!" [Shows the cake] Lincoln: "Thanks Dad, but, we're all set." Clyde: "Plus, we've got a hot lead on another potential sale." [He and Clyde both run away.] Lynn Sr.:[Laughs] "Have fun, boys." [As he sniffs, the cake goes up in the exhaust fan, leaving just the cake stand.] "Oh! Dangy dang it."
[At Sunset Canyon Retirement Home, the news is covering a senior riot.] Katherine Mulligan:[Reporting] "Katherine Mulligan reporting to you live from Sunset Canyon, where a riot has broken out. The cause; a clogged pudding dispenser." [The senior all begin clamoring. They stop and turn their heads as soon as they hear Clyde.] Clyde:[Hero voice] "Fear not, senior citizens!" [He and Lincoln are now wearing caps with a biscuit logo and capes. They are standing heroically.] Lincoln: "We have the solution to your pudding problem." Lincoln & Clyde: "Cookies!" [They toss cookies into the elder's mouths. Fireworks appear from their eyes. At the same time, a walking stick and a trolley are tossed in the air. Afterwards, they clamour in a joyous tone. Katherine takes a cookie off her head and eats it too; her hairband is tossed in the air along with fireworks in her eyes.] Katherine Mulligan: "These are fantastic." [Reporting] "Looks like we got a new story, these delicious cookies." [Clyde grabs the mic.] Lincoln: "That's right, Katherine. We are Clincoln McCloud Cookie Company!" Clyde: "And we're open for business!"
[The next morning at the McBride's house, the duo are wearing white aprons.] Lincoln: "Alright. Time to start cooking." [Looks at the order list.] "First up, your Nana Gayle ordered a dozen for her sky diving club." Clyde:[Trembles in excitement and raises his wooden spoon.] "Let's do this." [They put on their hairnets. A Montage plays as they start baking. Lincoln cracks an egg into a mixing bowl. He passes the bowl to Clyde. He pours flour into the bowl, shuffles his wooden spoon and starts stirring. A dough mixture covers the screen into the next scene. Lincoln draws a cartoon on each label.] "Ooh, nice label." Lincoln: "Thanks. I'm drawing a mini-comic on each one. Keeping it fun, you know." [Cookies cover the screen into the next scene. Clyde rolls out the dough with a rolling pin. The next part shows the cookies rising inside a hot oven, with the duo watching in excitement.] Lincoln and Clyde: "Oooh!" [Bags of cookies with their labels cover the screen. The camera zooms out. They are placed on the shelf.] Lincoln: "Nice, our first dozen down. And it only took us..." [They check the time.] Lincoln & Clyde:[Shocked] "4 hours?!" Clyde: "How many more orders do we have to make for tomorrow?" Lincoln:[Checks] "10 orders for a total of 15 dozen cookies, which will take, um..." [His phone rings. He picks it up.] "Lisa?" Lisa: "60 hours or 2.5 days. And that's with no potty breaks." Lincoln: "You were listening? How? I'm at Clyde's house. [Angrily] Your surveillance measures have gone too far." Lisa:[On the couch, next to Lincoln's walkie talkie.] "I heard it through your walkie talkie, you boob." Lincoln: "Huh?" [Lincoln looks at his foot and discovers that he's standing on the other walkie talkie.] "Oh! Well... Thank you." Lisa: "You're welcome. Here's another tip. Hire employees. If two nincompoops can make a dozen cookies in four hours, think how many cookies six or seven nincompoops could make in that time." Lincoln:[Offended] "Hey!" Lisa: "One last tip. Maybe look for a bigger work space." Clyde: "How do you know the layout of my kitchen?" [In her living room, she is surrounded by monitors of the McBride's house.] Lisa:[Gasps] "Gotta go." [Loses the phone] Clyde: "So, do we know anyone with professional baking experience?" Lincoln: "No, but I can think of some other people who might be available."
[Later, at the Loud house, Stella, Zach, Rusty and Liam are all wearing aprons, and all except Rusty are wearing hairnets.] Lincoln: "Thanks for coming. My sisters were too busy to help, but you guys will get to share in the profits." Clyde: "Plus, you get all the leftover cookies you can eat." [Their friends like the idea.] Stella: "Sounds great." Liam: "Hot dog." Rusty: "I don't know man. [Picks up a hairnet] A hairnet? These locks can't be tamed." [Pushes his hair up, and it springs out almost hitting the others.] Stella: "Hut!" Zach:[Annoyed] "Just put it on, Rust." [Rusty sulks in annoyance.]
[Stella is using the rolling pin. She slams the pin down from above her eye level onto the dough a couple times, making Clyde nervous.] Clyde: "Woah, easy tiger. [Chuckles nervously] That rolling pin is vintage." Stella: "Oh, sorry. I'll be more gentle." [Stella continues rolling, and slamming the pin onto the dough, which Clyde notices.] Clyde: "Still a little rough there." Stella:[Irate] "I'm barely pressing it." Clyde: "Here, why don't I just do it?" [Clyde rolls the dough, and Stella grumbles. Later, Lincoln is inspecting the finished product. The cookies - inside the bag - have bite marks on one side.] Lincoln: "Well, the label looks great. But, are these... bite marks?" [Lincoln looks and notices a pattern on the other cookies.] "Wait. All the cookies have them." [Snaps] "Zach! What the heck?" [Zach turns to Lincoln with his cheeks stuffed and covered in cookie.] Zach:[Swallows a mouthful] "What? I'm doing quality control." [Clyde comes out of the kitchen.] Clyde: "Bad news bud, we're out of butter." Lincoln: "Dang it. I already used up my allowance on the first round of ingredients." Clyde: "And I used up mine on that vintage rolling pin." [Liam cuts in.] Liam: "Ah, don't worry fellers, I'm on it." [Confidingly walks out, and returns holding a rope.] "Now which one of you got a gentle touch?" [On the other side of the rope is a large cow. She moos. Stella pops up from the cow's back.] Stella: "Hey guys. Come look at the conveyor belt I rigged up." [The boys pop in and see a conveyor belt with some ingredients and equipment on it.] "I think it'll make things go a lot faster. I made it out of a treadmill your parents were getting rid of. See? We could do an assembly line, and-" [Suddenly the baking timer goes off, which scares the cow, causing her to roar and kick the treadmill.] Stella: "Annabell, no!" Zach: "Watch the hair, man!" Lincoln: "Turn it off!" Rusty: "Save the cookies!" [The treadmill malfunctions and the ingredients go everywhere.] Stella: "Whoa, hey! Oh!" [The Electric whisk rides on the treadmill and flies towards the chefs. They all yelp and duck down to avoid the collision. It ends up hitting a bag of flour, which explodes all over the room and all over the kids. The cow eats the finished cookies.] Rusty: "Sorry, but no amount of free cookies is worth this hassle." [Throws the hairnet away.] Zach: "I'm with Rusty." Stella:[In unison] "Same." Liam:[In unison] "Likewise." Stella: "Come on, we should probably go finish our history projects anyway." [They all leave. Lincoln and Clyde are bummed out when they suddenly realize in panic.] Lincoln & Clyde: "Our history project!" Lincoln:[Dreading] "We haven't even started!" Clyde: "But we promised cookies to all those people." [They look at the state of the room. Dough mixture drops down from the ceiling.] Lincoln: "Well I guess we just have to buckle down and get baking."
[A montage of them baking as fast as they can. Lincoln tosses the ingredients into Clyde's mixing bowl while Clyde stirs.] Clyde: "Baking powder! Cinnamon! Oats! HURRY!" [Lincoln grunts as he scribbles on the labels.] Lincoln:[Clutches his hand, which turns red and wobbly] "Gah! Hand cramp! Argh!" [He flops on the desk in frustration. Clyde continues baking, the timer goes off, and they eventually finish.] "There. Last one, we did it." [They both sigh in exhaustion.]
[They deliver cookies to the customer from the flower shop.] Clyde: "Here are the cookies for your anniversary, sir. Sorry they're so awful looking." Lincoln:[Takes out a bouquet of daisies.] "We got you these as back up too." Indecisive Man: "Oh. Well thanks!" [Next, they're at Sunset Canyon. The seniors clamour with joy over the plate of cookies.] Lincoln: "Also, we fixed the pudding machine. These-- were clogging it." [--Holds out someone's teeth.] Female Senior:[Gasps] "Those are Scoots' chompers!" [Scooters rolls in, with no teeth, laughing and taking the teeth off Lincoln's hand.] Scoots: "You can't prove it." [She rides off. Finally, the boys deliver the plate of cookies to Lynn's Table.] Lynn Sr.:[After hearing their story] "Ah, I get it, boys. Bit off a little more than you could chew." [Nudges Clyde with his elbow] "Eh? Eh?" [Clyde awkwardly laughs.] Lincoln: "Yeah, we definitely did. We thought we'd be the Cookie Kings of Royal Woods, but there's so much more to running a business than we realized." Clyde: "Managing employees, tracking inventory, wrangling dairy cows." Lynn Sr.: "Ha! Well, don't worry. There'll be plenty of time to figure it all out when you're older." [Out of nowhere, the exhaust fan steals the cookies, and still has all the stuff from before.] "Anyways, enjoy being a kid while you can." Lincoln: "Will do." [They take off] Clyde: "Bye Mr. Loud." Lincoln: "Bye Dad." Lynn Sr.: "I'll see... Gah!" [Suddenly the exhaust fan sucks him up.] "Dang it."
[At school, Rusty, Liam and Stella are waiting out front with their finished projects. Lincoln and Clyde walk up to them with a plate of cookies and a wagon with a sheet over it.] Lincoln: "Hey guys, we're sorry for putting you through all that mess." Clyde: "We made you these apology cookies." Rusty:[In unison] "No worries." Liam:[In unison] "Forget about it." Stella:[In unison] "It's cool." [Out of unison] "Sorry you guys weren't able to finish your history project." Clyde: "Oh we did. We had some dough scraps left over so we made Cookie Stonehenge." [They take the sheet off the wagon, and find bite marks on their project, startling them.] Lincoln: "Huh?" Clyde: "What happened?" [Suddenly they see the cow eating, as well as Zach.] Zach: "Sorry, I thought these were the apology cookies." [The gang all share a laugh about this. Back at Lynn's Table, Lynn Sr. is stuck on the fan, and laughing as well, for no obvious reason.]
