It was morning time in Royal Woods, and the Louds were assembled outside, in a conga line. Lynn Sr. was at the front of the line, followed by Rita, who was holding Lily (three months), and then Lori (16), Leni (15), Luna (14), Luan (13), Lynn Jr. (twelve), Lincoln (ten), Lucy (seven), Lana (five), Lola (obviously also five), and finally Lisa (three). And they were all singing, "We're going to the aquarium! We're going to the aquarium!".
They climbed into Vanzilla, all very excited. They were smiling widely, with the exception of Lucy, who was still frowning despite her excitement, and Lisa, who was only doing a slight smile.
"I might get to see a shark," said Lucy.
"I might get to keep a sea turtle for a pet!", said Lana.
"And I will finally get to see a myliobatoidei in person," said Lisa.
"A what?" asked Lori.
"A stingray," explained Lisa.
When they got to the aquarium, everyone was so excited waiting in line that some of them were jumping and squirming as though they had fleas, and Lynn even said, "Yes!" when they finally got to the front of the line.
"Two adults, and eleven children," said Rita.
"I'm not a child, Mom," said Lori, who took great pride in being the oldest sibling, "I'm literally sixteen."
"I know," said Rita, "But people under eighteen pay children's fare."
"Fare enough!", joked Luan.
When they went through the gates, a round, blond man with a moustache welcomed them.
"Well, hel-lo there, y'all!", he said enthusiastically, "My name's Jeremy! Step this way, everybody!"
So the Louds followed Jeremy towards an enclosure that contained eight penguins.
Everyone leaned in close, cooing and squealing at how cute they were. Lynn Sr. even started to cry a little bit.
"This," said Jeremy, "Obviously, is where we keep the penguins. Over here is Ralph and Joanne with their chick Cody--" he pointed at a small family of penguins.
"So adorable!", said Leni.
"And that," continued Jeremy, "Is little Christine with her two dads Ray and Steve. Her biological parents died, so Ray and Steve are looking after her."
"That's kind of like my friend Clyde," said Lincoln, "He has two dads as well."
"And over there," said Jeremy, "Is Nathan," he pointed to a penguin who was banging a stick against the wall.
"It's almost like he's making music," said Luna, "It's not a very tuneful beat, though I'll give him a pass since penguins aren't songbirds."
Luan and Lynn Sr. chuckled.
"And finally, that one here is Stephanie," said Jeremy, indicating a penguin who was leaping, sliding, and ducking under the water.
"She's my favourite," said Lynn Jr.
Just then, Stephanie leapt out of the water and scared Steve.
"Mine too," said Luan, giggling.
The next tank that Jeremy showed the Loud family contained some sea horses.
"Did you know that it's actually the males who get pregnant?", he said.
"Technically, that depends on what you mean by 'pregnant'," said Lisa, "It is still the female seahorse who produces the eggs, but you are correct that male seahorses do indeed carry the eggs. However, seahorses do not possess uteri. Instead, the male seahorse carries his eggs in a pouch, similar to that of the macropus rufus, street name kangaroo."
Jeremy stared in stunned silence for a good ten seconds, and then said, "Well... I... that's correct! You're a smart one, little girl. How old are you?"
"Three years, two months, and approximately eight days," replied Lisa.
"Where did you learn that seahorses had pouches?!" asked Jeremy.
"I'm very well-versed in biology," said Lisa.
"Well, I never," said Jeremy.
Next up, was a dolphin, who Jeremy introduced as Kenny.
"Hey, Kenny!", said everybody.
"Now, if you're ten or older, you can go in with him," said Jeremy.
So, Lynn Sr. went in first, and it was love at first sight.
"Hello, boy," he said.
Kenny slapped his fins together as though clapping, and did a back flip.
"Hey," said Lynn Sr., "Why did the dolphin cross the road? To get to the other tide!".
Kenny sprayed water out of his blowhole and did another flip.
"Did you like that?", said Lynn Sr.
Kenny dove under the water and popped out again.
"You're a good boy," said Lynn Sr.
He even got to hug Kenny.
"Well," he said, when his swim was done, "Cheerio!".
Kenny did one last somersault.
Rita, Lincoln, and his older sisters also got to swim with Kenny, and he got along with them too, although not as well as Lynn Sr.
Then, they went over to a tank of sharks.
"Can we swim with them, too?!", said Lynn Jr.
"No," said Jeremy.
"That's a shame," said Lucy.
"It's for your own safety," said Lynn Sr.
"Do sharks really eat people?", said Lana.
"No," said Jeremy, "But they're still dangerous--- they explore things with their teeth, so they might try to check you out, only to bite off your arm."
"That'd be a bad first meeting," said Leni.
Next, Jeremy led them to another tank, that had a porpoise named Rupert.
Again, everyone ten and older was allowed to swim with him, so Lynn Sr. climbed in.
Much like Kenny, Rupert did several somersaults, and was a good pal, but when Lynn Sr. climbed out, he looked and saw that Rupert was holding Lynn Sr.'s wallet in his mouth!
"Oh!", he shouted, "That ding-dang porpoise stole my wallet!".
"I'm sure he didn't offend you on porpoise", said Luan with a laugh.
"Hold on, honey," said Rita, "I'll get it," and she handed Lily to Lynn Sr., got changed into her swimsuit, and climbed into the tank.
"Now, Rupert," she said, "Lynn needs his wallet to carry his money and his driver's license."
But, of course, Rupert didn't understand and wouldn't let go.
So Rita grabbed one end of the wallet, which started a tug-of-war.
"Go, Mom!", said Lynn Jr.
"You got it, dude!", said Luna.
"Wait, I have an idea," said Lincoln, and he shouted, "WOOOP!" as loud as he could.
The noise startled Rupert, and he dropped the wallet, allowing Rita to swim out with it.
"Thanks, Lincoln," she said.
The rest of the trip was pretty much uneventful, Lisa did get to see her stingray, and Lana got to see sea turtles, though she didn't get one for a pet. They also all got a souvenir from the gift shop: Lori got a pair of blue sunglasses, Leni a hat with a dolphin on it, Luna a little sculpture of a turtle in sunglasses, Luan a book of ocean-related jokes, Lynn a water gun, Lincoln a lunchbox with a whale on it, Lucy a toy shark, Lana a poster of a penguin, Lola a toy stingray, Lisa a book about marine biology, Lily a teething ring shaped like a fish, and Rita and Lynn Sr. matching scarves with jellyfish on them.
"So," said Rita, "What do you think of the trip to the aquarium?".
"Well," said Lynn Sr., "Apart from the porpoise stealing my wallet, it was the best trip ever!".
And the children agreed.