Here's Episode 26! Sorry for the long wait.
[We open on the couch. This time, Lincoln is joined by Lori, Lynn, Lisa and Clyde.]
Lincoln: Hey, everyone! Welcome back to Peeking Through the Fourth Wall. I'm glad to say that, for the first time ever, my BFF Clyde is joining in on the action!
Clyde: You and me both, buddy. Can't wait to dig in!
Lincoln: Well, hold on. Before we begin, I have to ask; are you sure you'll be okay sharing the couch with Lori?
[Clyde turns towards Lincoln, and we see that his glasses have blinders on them that block his peripheral vision.]
Clyde: Positive.
Lincoln: ...well, all right, then. This one is called "Class Night" by AlexKawa!
[At school, Lincoln, Clyde, Rusty, Liam, and Zach are talking to each other by their lockers.]
Rusty: "Man, I can't wait! Only two more weeks until summer!"
Liam: "Yeah, I'm pretty darn excited too, if I say so myself. Are you fellas planning on going to Class Night on the last day of school?"
Lisa: Might I inquire what this "Class Night" is?
Lincoln: It's like prom night but lamer.
Lincoln: "Yeah, it'd be a fun way to end our elementary school career."
Zach: "I'm stoked! I've even got a date and everything!"
Rusty: "No way, me too!"
Lincoln: "Well, good for you—"
Clyde and Zach: [cutting Lincoln off] "And me!"
[All of them sans Lincoln, who looks on upset, congratulate and high five each other.]
Lincoln: No way. I'm no casanova, but I refuse to accept that Rusty and Zach would get dates for Class Night before I did.
Clyde: Yeah, ditto. You're like a girl magnet.
[Lori, Lynn and Lisa all lean in towards Clyde.]
Lynn: Oh, is he now?
Lisa: Please elaborate. My curiosity is piqued.
Lori: I want the deets, like, yesterday.
Lincoln: [Blushing] Girls, girls! In case you forgot, we've got a story to read.
[The sisters return to their original positions.]
Lynn: Oh, all right. But we're not letting him off for good.
Clyde: [to Lincoln] "What about you, buddy?"
Liam: "Yeah, who are you going with?"
Lincoln: "Um, uh, I'm, uh—" [sighs] "No one."
Lynn: Well, you don't have to go with a date. I know Class Night is just a watered down prom, but when you're eleven there's no shame in going stag.
Rusty: "Really?"
Lincoln: "Yeah. I've been wanting to ask this girl out for a long time now, but there's always so much anxiety going through me, that I just can't do it."
Lynn: Aw, does Stinkcoln have a little case of the butterflies? [Chuckles] It's fine, Linc. You'll grow out of it.
Zach: "Yeah, and the sky is blue, and the grass is green, Lincoln."
Liam: "Actually, that's not technically true."
Lincoln: Eh? When did Liam get all science-savvy?
Clyde: Yeah, Liam doesn't even believe in evolution.
Lincoln: I had to spend thirty minutes last week trying to convince him that the moon isn't a star.
Clyde: And that bats aren't bugs.
Lincoln: And that-
[Lisa clamps her hand over Lincoln's mouth.]
Lisa: Please stop. My faith in humanity can only drop so low.
Zach: [sighs] "Fine, the sky LOOKS blue, and the grass LOOKS green." [to Liam] "Better?" [Liam nods] "Anyway, Lincoln, the point is that everyone our age feels anxious talking to girls they like. But it's a skill you'll have to learn sooner or later."
Clyde: "Yeah, Linc. If we could pull it off, so can you."
Lincoln: No offense, Clyde, but I'm not convinced you can pull it off.
Clyde: Hey! I talked to Haiku, didn't I?
Lincoln: [smiles] "You're right, you guys. I'm going to ask her out by the end of today, end of story."
Lincoln: "Her"? Her who?
[The other four congratulate Lincoln.]
Liam: "Alright, well, we better be getting back to class. The final's about to start."
[In the classroom, Mrs. Johnson is handing out tests to the class.]
Mrs. Johnson: "And remember, students, not to worry about your grade. These tests are only for the state Department of Education to evaluate teaching in public schools.
Lori: Then it's not really a final, is it?
Mrs. Johnson: Alright, looks like everyone has their test, good luck to all of you, and we begin." [30 minutes later] "Alright, students, we are halfway through the testing period. You have another half-hour left, then it's pencils down."
Lincoln: [in his head] "Man, I'm not even halfway through this final. I'm never going to finish in time! That means I can't ask her out.
Lynn: Um... how so?
Lisa: Perhaps she'll lose interest on the grounds that he failed to complete his test.
Lynn: If she's a big enough loser to care about that, she's not worth your time.
Lincoln: OK, calm down, Lincoln, it's fine. These scores don't count for anything. At least nothing that's important to you, anyway."
[30 more minutes later…]
Mrs. Johnson: "OK, everyone, time's up, put your pencils down." [Lincoln just finishes filling in the last answer and puts his test down, bell rings] "Alright, students, have a great weekend, and remember that you have two more weeks to buy tickets for Class Night!"
Lincoln: [walks up to Stella] "Hi, Stella! How do you think you did?"
Lincoln: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stella already told me that she wasn't interested. I'm mature enough to understand that no means no.
Stella: "Oh, I think I did fine. I'm not really worried about it though."
Lincoln: "Yeah, neither am I. Hey, can I ask you something?"
Stella: "Sorry, but my bus is here, I have to go. See you Monday!" Lincoln: [upset] "Uh, OK, have a good weekend. Dang it!"
Lisa: Oh, what a shame. If only you had some sort of communication device that would enable you to contact her from a distance.
[At the movies, Lincoln and Clyde are getting popcorn and drinks.]
Clyde: "You didn't ask her?"
Lynn: Pfft. Only a chump buys refreshments at the movies. You're supposed to load up on cheap candy and soda at the convenience store and then sneak it in. Duh.
Clyde: But Lynn, isn't that against theater policy?
Lynn: [Mockingly] "But Lynn, isn't that against theater policy?" Come on, Clyde. It's a dumb rule that they barely even care about anyway.
Clyde: I don't know. I still wouldn't feel right doing it.
Lynn: Whatever. More Mr. Pibb and Red Vines for me.
Lincoln: "It's not my fault her bus was there!"
Clyde: "You got to text her, man! You promised you'd ask by the end of the day today!"
Lincoln: "Well, I think we meant by the end of the school day, so—"
Clyde: "C'mon, Lincoln, you got to do it! It's a two-and-a-half-hour movie, so you'll probably want to do it now."
Lincoln: "Ugh, fine. Hold my drink for me, will you?" [Clyde grabs Lincoln's drink, Lincoln sends the text to Stella, and immediately puts his phone into his pocket] "Whew, that felt good. Oh, dang it, now I'm starting to feel anxious again. What if she says no?"
Lincoln: She already said no to me once. I think I can take another one.
Clyde: [Walking into the theater] "We'll worry about that after the movie."
[2.5 hours later]
Lincoln: "Man, that was a good movie!"
Clyde: "Yeah, I can't wait until it comes out on DVD to see it again!"
Lincoln: DV-what now?
Lori: It's like a Blu-Ray but older.
[Lincoln still looks confused.]
Lori: It's like Netflix in a disc.
Lincoln: Ohhhh.
Lincoln: [looking at his phone] "Hey, Lori just texted me. She asked us if we wanted to go to Burpin' Burger with them."
Clyde: "Alright." [Lincoln texts Lori back] "Oh, speaking of texting, did that girl text you back?"
Lincoln: "I, uh, haven't checked yet."
Clyde: "Lincoln, it's been two-and-a-half hours, you got to check at some point."
Lincoln: [sighs] "I know, I know. How about I check at Burpin' Burger? We'll get our food, then I'll check before I eat, so then in case it's a no, I can eat my feelings away."
Clyde: "Whatever floats your boat."
[At Burpin' Burger]
Lori: [to the cashier] "Thanks!" [brings the food to the table, where Lincoln, Clyde, and the remaining sisters are, everyone grabs they food and starts eating, sans Lincoln and Clyde]
Lincoln: [pulls out his phone, Clyde looks on] "Alright, it's time for the moment of truth." [reading the text] "Aw, that's really sweet of you! But I have a thing with someone right now, I'm sorry. But please don't be upset, you're really nice and funny!" [rhetorically] "Yeah, REAL nice and funny." [viciously starts eating his burger]
Lori: Well, at least she tried to let you down easy.
Luna: "Dude, are you OK?"
Lincoln: [taking large bites] "Yeah, I'm fine, what's the problem?"
Lynn: He's just doing that thing that Lori does after every fight with Bobby. [Snickers]
Lori: Watch it, you.
[Luna doesn't answer, and looks at her sisters, seemingly worried about Lincoln.]
Clyde: [getting out of Vanzilla] "Hey man, thank you for this. It was a lot of fun. I'm sorry it didn't work out."
Lincoln: "No, no. It's fine. Not everything is sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns."
Lana: "Blegh, thank goodness for that."
Clyde: "Well I'm heading home now, buddy. Good night!"
Lincoln: "See you soon!" [depressed, he heads inside and sulks on the couch]
Rita: "Hey, can one of you help your father unload the dishwasher, please?"
Sisters: [touch their noses] "Dibs not it." [look at Lincoln, who walks over to the kitchen in apathy]
Lynn Sr.: "Hey bud, I got good news for you. We're going to beach tomorrow for opening day!" [Lincoln doesn't respond and forcefully puts the dishes away] "Hey, be careful, you don't want to break anything."
Lincoln: "Says who?"
Clyde: Whoa! Just because Stella turned you down again doesn't mean you have to take it out on the dishes! What did they do to you?
Lynn Sr.: "Listen, son, I'd watch that attitude if I were you!" [Lincoln sighs and sadly walks over to the living room to lay on the floor] "Hey, get back here and help me finish—ah, forget it."
Lisa: A-plus parenting, father. Completely abandon your attempt to discipline your son and neglect to even try to investigate when it's obvious that there's something bothering him. [Slow clap]
[Lola jumps onto Lincoln's stomach.]
Lincoln: "Lola, that feels good. Keep doing that."
Clyde: So she just randomly jumped on your stomach for no reason?
Lincoln: Yeah, she does that sometimes. Mostly when she wants to play Trampoline.
Clyde: "Trampoline"?
Lincoln: It's this game where she jumps on your stomach until you beg her to stop.
Clyde: That sounds less like a game and more like an endurance test.
Lincoln: Eh, tomato tomahto.
[Lincoln's sisters look at him, worried once again. At 10 PM that night, Lori, Leni, Luna, Luan, and Lynn are sitting on the couch, talking about Lincoln's recent attitude.]
Leni: "Is anyone else feeling worried about Lincoln?"
Lori: "Yeah, he's been really apathetic since we ate at Burpin' Burger."
Lynn: "I've never seen him enjoy it when Lola jumps onto him before. Something's going on here."
Lori: "I think I'll go talk to him." [Goes upstairs, knocks on Lincoln's door] "Can I come in?"
Lincoln: "Sure."
Lori: "Hey, little bro. What's going on? You've been really out of it today."
Lincoln: "Well, your little bro just got rejected."
Lori: "What?"
Lincoln: "Yeah, I asked a girl out to Class Night, and she's already going with someone."
Lori: "Oh. I'm sorry. I remember I couldn't find a date for Class Night. It seemed like every other girl was going with a guy, and I hated that I had to be left out."
Lori: Honestly? Dating's not even that big of a deal in Fifth Grade. Most boys in that grade are just starting to figure out that girls don't have cooties. We girls mature a bit faster, of course.
Lincoln: Oh, please. Says the girl who didn't stop singing "boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider" until she got to High School.
Lori: I-I only sang it ironically!
Lincoln: "Well, there are only two weeks left to buy a ticket. Is there any hope for me?"
Lori: "I don't know, but I wouldn't worry, Lincoln. You're a great guy, and regardless of what happens with Class Night, you'll find someone. I know it. Good night."
Lincoln: "Good night, Lori." [she leaves, and Lincoln falls asleep]
[The next day, the Loud family is on the beach, with Lincoln taking selfies.]
Leni: "Hey Lincoln, what are those selfies for?"
Lincoln: "Oh, I'm just doing a beach Q&A for social media, Leni."
Leni: "Q&A?"
Lincoln: "Question and answer. I answer all questions people have for me."
Lynn: Did you think that Leni wouldn't understand what "question and answer" means?
Lincoln: Can you honestly be sure that she would?
Lincoln: [gets a notification] "Oh, and here comes one right now!" [reading the question, which is from Paige] "Are you going to Class Night?" [gets excited, poses for another selfie with the answer] "Lori, I have to ask you something?"
Clyde: Oh, hey, Paige! Isn't that the girl from the arcade you used to have a crush on?
Lincoln: Yeah, the redhead. We haven't talked in a bit but I still think about her from time to time.
Lori: "What's up?"
Lincoln: "Someone just asked if I was going to Class Night. Does this mean anything?"
Lori: [excited] "Yes! It totally does! She literally wants to go with you, Lincoln! Now, this is important: how did you respond?"
Lincoln: "I said, 'with the right person, maybe.'"
Lori: "Perfect. Now, you got to ask her if she wants to go with you!"
Lincoln: "Alright, I'll ask on Monday!"
[Cut to school the following Monday, Lincoln is sitting at lunch, looking at Paige.]
Lincoln: [to himself] "OK, Lincoln, you got to do it now. You have time, go up to her and go for it!" [walks over to Paige] "Hi, Paige!"
Paige: "Oh, hi, Lincoln! How are you?"
Lincoln: "Good. I got your question the other day, and it got me wondering: are you interested in going to Class Night with me?"
Paige: "Aw, thank you, Lincoln, I'd love to, but someone already asked me. I'm sorry."
Lynn: Tsk, tsk, tsk. Shouldn't have waited, Lincoln.
Lincoln: [upset] "It's fine."
Paige: "I'd love to dance with you for a few songs if you'd like, though!"
Lincoln: "Thank you, but I don't even know if I'm going anymore. Have fun!" [walks away, with Paige looking sad]
[Lincoln comes home]
Lori: "Hey, bro. Did you ask that girl?"
Lincoln: "Yep, and she's already going with someone."
Lori: "Oh, that's too bad. Well, you do you have any other ones you'd consider asking out?"
Lincoln: "Yeah, I think so. You know, they say you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so I got to keep going with it."
Lori: "That's the spirit, Lincoln! Go for it!"
Lincoln: "I will!"
[A montage of Lincoln texting female classmates begins. He starts a conversation with Girl Jordan, asking if she is going to Class Night with someone, and she says she is. He starts another conversation with the same question to Cristina, and she says the same.]
Clyde: Cristina? Isn't that the girl you- MMPH!
[Lincoln clamps a hand over Clyde's mouth.]
Lincoln: I get enough teasing from the girls as it is, thank you very much.
[He has the same conversation with four more classmates and gets the exact same answers every time. A week has passed, and a depressed Lincoln is in class.]
Clyde: [to Rusty, Liam, and Zach] "Man, I am SO excited for Class Night!"
Rusty: "Me too! I can't wait to show you guys my date."
Zach: "Uh, Rusty, I'm pretty sure we see her almost every day."
Rusty: "Still, I can't wait!"
Liam: "What about you, Lincoln? You find someone?"
Lincoln: [sighs] "No, and it's too late. I'm not going."
Clyde: "What?! You have to, man!"
Lynn: He doesn't "have" to do anything. I didn't go to Class Night when I was in Elementary School, and I turned out fine.
[Lynn looks sadly down at the floor.]
Lynn: ...eventually.
[Clyde reaches over and gives her a pat on the back; he lets his hand linger for a moment before withdrawing his arm. Lynn looks over at him, bearing a faint smile.]
Lynn: Thanks.
Lincoln: "But I can't find anyone! Everyone's already going with someone, and I don't want to be one of the only ones who goes alone."
Zach: "You can come with us as a group of friends."
Lincoln: "I appreciate it, Zach, but I'd feel like a third wheel, what with you guys and all your dates. Or, rather, a ninth wheel."
Rusty: "We understand."
Clyde: "You'll still be there in spirit to us, though."
[Lincoln smirks and gives Clyde a thumbs up, scene cuts to Lincoln at home.]
Lori: "So you're really not going to go?"
Lincoln: "I don't think so. I mean, almost everyone, it seems, is going with a date, and I don't want to feel left out."
Lisa: Well, you seem to be at peace with it, at least.
Lori: "Well, don't you want to end your elementary school career with a fun event like Class Night?"
Lincoln: "Yeah, but I don't want to go alone. It wouldn't be fun." [walks up to his room, as Lori looks on worriedly, suddenly he gets an idea] "Oh, I got a good idea." [gets out his phone and dials a number]
[Cuts to Ronnie Anne in her room, sucking on an ice pop.]
Lori, Lynn and Lisa: Ooooooooh!
Lincoln: Oh, dear...
Clyde: Oh, hey, Ronnie Anne! Do you two still keep in touch?
Lincoln: Yes. As friends.
Lynn: With benefits.
Lincoln: Without benefits!
Ronnie Anne: [picks up her phone] "Hey, lame-o."
Lincoln: "Hi Ronnie Anne. I just wanted to ask you something."
Ronnie Anne: "What's up?"
Lincoln: [nervously] "Um, my school is having its annual class night for graduating fifth graders this Friday. I was wondering if you'd be interested in going with me?"
Ronnie Anne: "It's on Friday? Yeah, I'd love to. I'm not busy. Let me just ask my mom."
Lincoln: "OK." [pumps his fists in celebration, whispering] "Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!" [hears Ronnie Anne pick the phone back up] "Oh, what did she say?"
Ronnie Anne: "She said yes. I can't wait. Smell you then, lame-o!"
Lincoln: [excited] "Not if I smell you first." [hangs up his phone, drops to his knees and screams] "YESSSSSSSSS! FINALLY!" [opens his door to see his sisters standing excitedly] "How much did you hear?"
Lori: Someone sounds a little excited.
Lincoln: Well, of course I'd be excited. This means I wouldn't have to go alone. Doesn't mean there's anything going on between us.
Lisa: If going alone was your primary concern, then why not go with a male colleague?
[Beat]
Lincoln: I-I don't know. It'd be weird.
Lisa: How so?
Lincoln: It just would.
Lisa: I fail to see the-
Lincoln: I refuse to take this from someone who still sleeps with a night light. Let's just keep reading.
[Lisa blushes and pouts.]
Lisa: It's human nature to be afraid of the dark...
Lola: "Everything after and including 'Hi Ronnie Anne.'"
Lori: "I'm literally so proud of you, Lincoln!" [Lincoln smiles] "For finally realizing that you and Ronnie Anne were meant to be!"
Lincoln: [irritated] "She is NOT my girlfriend! We're just going as friends."
Sisters: [sarcastically] "Right."
Lincoln: "Whatever, you girls can't bring me down from this! I got to go tell my friends!" [runs out of his room and across the street to Clyde's house]
Clyde: [opens the door] "Hey buddy. Are you feeling any better?"
Lincoln: "Oh, am I ever! I'm going to Class Night with Ronnie Anne!"
Clyde: "Really? That's awesome, Lincoln!" [high fives Lincoln] "Penelope and I have a table with the guys and their dates. You want to join us?"
Lincoln: "Heck yeah! I'll see you at school tomorrow, bud!"
Clyde: "Right back at you!" [closes door]
[Cuts to Friday night, with Lincoln dressing up and waiting for Ronnie Anne, as his sisters and parents look on.]
Lincoln: "Alright, how do I look?" [his family smiles and gives him a thumbs up] "I'm not going to lie; I feel kind of nervous."
Lori: Oh, Lincoln. It's normal to feel nervous on your big night.
Lynn: Please. "Big night"? It's some dumb lower school dance, not the World Series.
Rita: "Don't be, honey. You're going to see all your friends there."
Lincoln: "You're right, Mom." [hears a car pull into the driveway and walks outside]
Ronnie Anne: [walks out] "Hi Lincoln!"
Lincoln: "Ronnie Anne!" [they hug] "You look great!"
Ronnie Anne: "Thank you, you too!"
Rita: "OK, before you guys go, I have got to get a picture in." [Lincoln and Ronnie Anne smile, and Rita takes a few pictures, when a limo pulls into the driveway]
Lincoln: "Oh, and I forgot to tell you, Rusty rented a limo for us."
Lincoln: A limo? For Class Night? How loaded does this author think Rusty's family is?
Lynn Sr.: "Alright, well, have fun, you two!"
[Lincoln and Ronnie Anne wave goodbye to their families, who wave back. Clyde, Penelope, Rusty, Stella, Liam, Girl Jordan, Zach, and Paige are in the limo with them, at class night, all five pairs are dancing.]
Ronnie Anne: "Thanks again for inviting me, Lincoln. I'm having a great time."
Lincoln: "Sure thing, Ronnie Anne. I'm glad I got to come." [takes a picture with Ronnie Anne on the dance floor, as the episode ends]
Lincoln: ...that's it?
Lori: Yeah, that ended kind of abruptly. Then again, I can't imagine that we missed much.
Lynn: Right. I mean, it's Class Night. Once you get to Middle School everyone pretty much forgets about it.
Lori: [to Lynn] Oh, hey, speaking of which, have you found someone to take to the Middle School Prom yet?
Lynn: Eh, not yet. I've got a couple guys in mind, but I might just end up going stag.
Lincoln: How come?
Lynn: Honestly? I think most boys just find me too intimidating.
[Lynn rolls up her shirt, revealing her toned stomach. Clyde flinches in surprise, while Lincoln just rolls his eyes.]
Lynn: Impressed? I have a pennant coming up so I've been hitting the gym hard. [Leans into Lincoln] Go on. Feel 'em.
[Lincoln rolls his eyes again and turns his head away. While Lynn's trying to goad him, though, she notices Clyde, who's blankly staring at her with his mouth half-open.]
Lynn: Uh, Clyde? You alright, bud?
[Lynn snaps her fingers in front of his face, knocking him out of his daze.]
Clyde: O-oh! Sorry, I just- I spaced out for a second.
[Beat]
Lisa: Well, that was peculiar.
Lincoln: Yeah, I'll say. [Turns towards the camera] Anyway, thanks for joining us for another episode! I'll see you all next time.
[Lincoln shuts off Grammy, and he, Lori and Lisa get off the couch and start walking upstairs. Clyde tries to follow Lincoln, but Lynn hip checks him back onto the couch.]
Clyde: Hey! What was that for?!
[Lynn just smiles, walks up to him, turns her back on him and squats down, inviting him to jump on her back.]
Lynn: Piggyback?
Clyde: I... um... why?
Lynn: I dunno, why not? I could use the exercise, anyway.
[Clyde blushes a bit.]
Clyde: S-sure, I'd lo - I mean, I'd like to. Sounds fun.
[Clyde climbs onto Lynn's back, wrapping his arms around her neck. A dreamy smile forms on his face.]
Lynn: Hold on tight!
[Lynn takes off with Clyde in tow. We fade to black.]