The following is a transcript for the episode "Waking History."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The living room. Lisa is watching TV, and there's static coming from the screen. She looks up at the roof from the window.] Lisa: "A little more to your left!" [Todd is standing on the roof with the satellite dish on his head, and moves slightly to his left.] "OK, hold out your right arm." [Todd does so] "Bend it 55 degrees now." [Todd does so] "Lift the satellite a little higher!" [Todd does so] " Now, right leg up!" [Todd tilts to the right as Lisa heads to the TV] "We got it!" [The TV is showing The Dream Boat] Announcer: "Tonight on The Dream Boat, who will Kelly choose to stay on board?" [A squirrel gets on the roof and crawls on top of Todd] "And who will have to walk the plank?" Todd: "SHOO, SQUIRREL. OW." [The TV switches channels to a vacuum commercial, then the weather, and finally a breaking news announcement] Lisa: "Wait. Hold it right there, Todd!" [Todd is still trying to shoo the squirrel when he stands still. The TV shows Katherine Mulligan at a construction site.] Katherine: "I'm Katherine Mulligan, coming to you live from the future home of Guten Morgen Vietnam, Royal Woods' new schnitzel banh mi fusion restaurant. Dr. Alvarez, the head of the Royal Woods Museum, is about to speak. Let's listen." Lisa: "Ooh! Dr. A, my favorite paleontologist!" Dr. Alvarez: "Good morning, members of the scientific community. Today, we have made an exciting scientific discovery: Workers have uncovered an ancient ice cave under this very construction site." [Lisa squeals and watches with wide-eyed wonder] "That's not all. They've also unearthed a fully-preserved prehistoric woman!" [A crane removes the frozen woman from underground. Lisa continues to watch in excitement.] "She'll be transported to the Royal Woods History Museum and put on display in a sub-zero exhibit." [The screen starts showing static once more as Todd plummets to the ground.] Todd: "AAH. OW." Lisa: "Good thinking, Todd. We must go see Dr. Alvarez ASAP." [leaves]
[Royal Woods Museum. Dr. Alvarez is at the prehistoric exhibit, with the frozen woman stored in a glass case. Lisa and Todd arrive] Lisa: "Dr. Alvarez, congratulations on this historic discovery." Dr. Alvarez: "Well, thank you, Lisa. Oh, I can't wait to take her DNA sample. Imagine how much we can learn." Lisa: "I'll do you one better, Doc. As it happens, I've just completed my reanimator machine." [takes out her phone and shows a selfie of her excitedly pointing at the machine]' "Think how much we could learn if we brought her back to life!" Dr. Alvarez: "Hmm. As impressive as that looks, I can't let you use it. There's no telling how this creature would respond to a new environment." Lisa: "Doc, I hear you, I really do. But give me five minutes and, bing-bang-boom, you and I have our Nobel Prizes." Dr. Alvarez: "I'm sorry, Lisa, but the answer is no. Now, if you'll excuse me, my scientists' club has a volleyball game tomorrow, and I need to practice my spikes." [grunts as she pretends to spike and leaves] Todd: "YOU ARE JUST GOING TO REANIMATE HER ANYWAY, AREN'T YOU?" Lisa: "Todd, we have a scientific obligation to solve the universe's greatest mysteries. And if that leads to a museum wing being named after me, who am I to quibble?" Todd: "BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO DO IT?" Lisa: "Dr. Alvarez will be out for her volleyball tournament tomorrow. It'll be the perfect time. We'll go early before the museum opens." [looks at the case] "Looking forward to meting you, prehistoric woman."
[The next day, early morning. A security guard is listening to music on his headphones, eating cheese puffs and dancing along to the music. He finishes his snack and tosses the bag. Lisa and Todd are rolling the reanimator machine into the museum when Todd gets hit on his right eye by the bag.] Todd: "AAH. OCULAR INTERFERENCE." [His head hits a nearby trash can, removing the bag as it lands in the can. Lisa gasps and she and Todd hide behind the trashcan as the security guard obliviously dances past them. Seeing that the coast is clear, they wheel the machine near the exhibit. Todd opens a glass door and they enter the exhibit.] Lisa: "OK, Todd. We have to be very careful when we extract her from the ice." Todd: "INITIATE MEGA-HEADBUTT." [headbutts the case so hard it cracks] "SORRY. I HAVE BEEN WATCHING A LOT OF WRESTLING." [dons safety goggles] Lisa:[She also dons safety goggles] "OK, let's reanimate some history!" [Todd aims the blaster at the prehistoric woman, and Lisa pushes a button. The machine fires a green laser beam at the woman while Lisa and Todd watch in hope. There is a sudden explosion, and Lisa coughs.] Todd: "COUGH, COUGH." [Lisa and Todd remove their goggles and stare. The smoke clears, and the prehistoric woman is still motionless. Lisa waves at her, but she is unresponsive.] Lisa: "Hmm... No response." [She and Todd walk away, but then the prehistoric woman opens her eyes, indicating Lisa did successfully reanimate her. While Todd and Lisa examine their machine, the prehistoric woman steps out and walks around the preservation chamber on all fours.] "Then again, I might not have calibrated it correctly. Ah, who am I kidding, of course I did." [The cavewoman bites and licks the preservation chamber, then spits in disgust. Lisa closes the control panel and walks up to the woman, and the two bump into each other. They are both surprised to see the other.] "Yikes!" [She falls back and sees the prehistoric cavewoman towering above her in confusion. Lisa gasps.] "My machine worked!" [She approaches the cavewoman with an outstretched hand.] "Greetings! I am Lisa Loud. What is your name?" [The cavewoman sniffs Lisa's hand and licks it in response, to Lisa's disgust. The woman grunts excitedly.] "Of course. Todd, will you translate for us? I knew programming you with over one million dialects would come in handy." [The cavewoman grunts and pounds her chest.] Todd: "SHE SAID HER NAME IS FRANCES. YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO SAY THAT SHE LOOKS LIKE A FRANCES." [Frances brings a pile of kindling and two flint rocks. She pounds the rocks on the kindling, and it starts a fire, so she tosses the rocks away.] Lisa: "Fascinating. Apparently, people of the Paleolithic Era were already familiar with the concept of fire." [Frances grabs a dodo figure, then she sits by the fire and impales a stick into it. She holds it over the fire, but the figure is burnt to a crisp.] "The extinct dodo bird." [The fire burns out, and Frances shrugs and walks off in response.] "Eh, I'm sure we can find another one." [She and Todd follow Frances. The three approach a painting of a water buffalo. Frances grunts in response to the painting, making gestures with her arms to prove her point.] Todd: "FRANCES SAYS THAT CHORK'S WORK IS OVERRATED. SHE FINDS HIS PIECES ON WATER BUFFALO DERIVATIVE." Lisa: "Hmm, interesting." [Frances walks away in annoyance.] "Evidently, they also had an advanced system of art criticism." [Lisa and Todd notice Frances has gone.] "Uh, where did she go?" [Frances walks to a hallway and notices a model of a wooly mammoth. She gasps and licks her lips in hunger. Frances grabs a branch, a carved spearheaded stone, and some rope from three other exhibits, and she quickly turns them into a hunting spear. She hurls the spear at the wooly mammoth, but Lisa and Todd walk right in front of it. Todd is then hit by the spear, which knocks him down and breaks off his wheels.] Todd: "OW." [Frances gasps and hurries over while Lisa helps Todd up.] "MAYBE THIS WAS A BAD IDEA. CAN WE REFREEZE HER?" Lisa: "Incredible! Their toolmaking is more advanced than we knew!" [Frances looks around and notices another exhibit. She runs over and grabs some sticks and four round stones. She uses them to build a new set of wheels for Todd, then she helps him stand up again.] Todd:[He wobbles as he rolls along.] "SMOOTH AS BUTTER." Lisa: "They'd already invented the wheel! Remarkable! I don't know what Dr. Alvarez was so worried about. This is the breakthrough of the century!" [Todd shakily stops beside Lisa, while Frances walks along and observes the rest of the exhibits. She bumps into the t-rex skeleton, then screams in fear and runs away.] "No need for alarm, Frances! It's not real, it's just a model." [Frances shoves her way past them. As she runs away, knocking over an Easter Island head, she dives into the trash can to hide. She pops out and notices the bag of cheese puffs on her head, so she smells them and eats them as Lisa and Todd arrive. Frances immediately calms down and eats the bag itself.] "Fascinating. She seems to derive comfort from synthetic cheese snacks." [A car horn blares. Outside the museum, Mr. Grouse is waiting impatiently in his car for Scoots to cross the street. He honks at her while Scoots stops and blows a raspberry at him. The sound scares Frances, and she runs away with Lisa and Todd in pursuit. The scene cuts to the museum's exterior.] Lisa: "Frances, no!" [Frances breaks through the wall, running on all fours. Lisa and Todd stop at the hole in the wall.] "We have to bring her back before Dr. Alvarez finds out she's missing. Come on!" [She and Todd follow Frances.] [Frances runs out into the street, but Mr. Grouse shines his headlights on her and honks his horn. Frances covers her ears and groans.] Mr. Grouse: "You gonna stand there like a Neanderthal?!" [Frances jumps onto the car, wielding a club. She growls and begins banging the hood of the car.] "So that's how it's gonna be, huh?" [He pushes a button, and the hood opens, launching Frances into Gus' Games and Grub. Lisa and Todd hurry into the crosswalk in front of him.] Lisa: "Mr. Grouse, have you by chance seen a prehistoric woman from the Paleolithic Era nearby?" Mr. Grouse: "Eh, your hairy friend went that way." [Todd and Lisa hurry after Frances.] "And let her know she's gonna pay for all this!"
[Inside Gus', Frances has fallen through the roof. She dizzily sits upright and looks around, seeing all the arcade games. She gets up in excitement and runs over to the Dance Battle game. She jumps onto the game floor as Lisa and Todd enter.] Lisa: "Frances is in here somewhere. Be on alert, Todd. She's probably scared and confused." [Frances is dancing on the Dance Battle game while other kids watch her in surprise. She wins the game and the kids cheer.] Dance Battle: "HIGH SCORE. HIGH SCORE." [Frances gets frightened by the video game's message, so she destroys it with her club. Then she runs out of the restaurant, smashing through the window beside the door.] Lisa: "Remind me to teach her how to operate a door."
[Frances runs down the street through a crossroads, and two opposing cars screech to a stop as she sprints through. She arrives at Flip's Food and Fuel and smashes through the window. She notices the Flippee machine and is mesmerized by the swirling red juice, so she opens her mouth and places it under the spout. She fills it with Flippee juice and drinks it, but she gets a brain freeze. She howls and begins attacking the dispenser. Flip comes out of the bathroom wearing a shower cap and a towel and holding a rubber duck.] Flip: "Eh, what the footlong hoagie's goin' on in here? Can't a guy tubbie in peace?" [Frances climbs down and stares at Flip. She pictures him as an even hairier caveman, and she begins walking toward him, growling. Flip yelps in fright as Frances snarls at him. Lisa and Todd approach behind Frances.] Todd: "OH, SNAP. FRANCES THINKS FLIP IS HER OLD CAVE NEIGHBOR WHO STOLE HER WOOLY MAMMOTH." Lisa: "Oh, I don't foresee this ending well." [Cutting to outside, the store shakes as Frances attacks Flip. Flip runs out of the store and climbs the pillar holding up the porch. Frances runs outside, growling angrily, then she looks up and sees Flip on the roof, huddling fearfully. She begins shaking the pillar to his fright as Lisa and Todd exit the building.] "Frances, listen. Despite his prehistoric features, Flip isn't a Neanderthal!" Flip: "Oh gee, thanks, Brainy Loud! Here's an idea: Instead of name-callin', why don't you find a way to help me?!" Lisa:[gets an idea] "Todd, use your extendable arms." [Todd reaches his arms up to Flip and grabs him. But upon seeing this, Frances lunges at Todd, grabbing his arms and shaking him around.] Flip: "Put me back! Put me back!" [Todd puts Flip back on the roof, but Frances breaks his arms off and tosses them away.] Todd: "GOT ANYMORE BRILLIANT IDEAS?" [His broken arms hit him on the head.] "OW." Lisa:[sighs] "This has gotten out of hand." Todd: "OUT OF HAND? TOO SOON, LISA." Lisa: "I don't know what else to do. There's only one person who can help us." [Lisa takes out her phone and calls Dr. Alvarez.] Dr. Alvarez: "You've got Alvarez." Lisa: "Dr. A, it's Lisa Loud." Dr. Alvarez: "Lisa? What's--" [spikes a volleyball] "Sorry, what's going on?" Lisa: "Uh, I've created a bit of a kerfuffle."
[Later, Lisa is taping Todd's arms back together.] Lisa: "Dr. Alvarez!" Dr. Alvarez:[She runs over holding a volleyball net.] "I got here as soon as I could. I brought our volleyball net to try to catch her." Flip:[offscreen] "Quit gabbin' and help me already!" [He is still on the roof with Frances angrily trying to reach him. Frances falls off the gas pump and circles the pillar as Dr. Alvarez nervously approaches her.] Dr. Alvarez:[She opens the net.] "You're okay." [Frances snarls at her, then she grabs the net and Dr. Alvarez, who twirls them around and tosses them. Lisa and Todd catch Dr. Alvarez.] "We're gonna need to calm her down in order to catch her. But how do you calm down a Neanderthal?" [Frances begins to climb the building again as Flip shrieks, but then Lisa notices cheese puffs inside the store and she gasps.] Lisa: "Synthetic cheese snacks!" [She grabs a bag and hurries to Frances.] "Frances! Catch!" [Lisa tosses the cheese puffs up to Frances, and she catches them in her mouth. She calms down and slides down to the ground, eating them as Lisa leaves a trail on the ground. As she finishes them, Todd and Dr. Alvarez catch her within the net.] Dr. Alvarez: "Fascinating. I never would have thought the Paleolithic brain would react that way to such a sodium-rich food." Lisa: "Thanks for your help, Dr. A. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you." Flip: "Yeah, and thanks for saving Ol' Flip. But I'm still putting those cheese puffs on your tab!"
[Back at the museum, Lisa is preparing to refreeze Frances.] Lisa: "I hope you can forgive me, Frances. I should have known you wouldn't be able to adapt to our world." [sighs] "Fare thee well." Frances:[She hugs Lisa and Todd tightly.] "Friends!" Lisa:[gasps] "Well, I'll be a primate's uncle! She spoke the Queen's English! Dr. Alvarez, maybe Frances does have the ability to adapt! Can we keep her? Please?" Todd:[concurrent] "PLEASE?" Dr. Alvarez: "Hmmm..."
[Later at the museum, Dr. Alvarez is giving a tour to some visitors.] Dr. Alvarez: "And on your left is our newest--er, oldest--member of the museum family: Frances." [Frances is sitting on a couch in her exhibit with Lisa and a fully-repaired Todd watching The Dream Boat on TV.] "Isn't it remarkable how much she's adapted to the modern world?" Announcer: "Welcome back to The Dream Boat, where Kelly is about to announce her decision." Kelly: "With a heavy heart, the person walking the plank tonight is..." [Frances gasps] "...Kyle." Frances: "No!" [She smashes the TV with her club.] "Kyle perfect for Kelly!" [The visitors run away.] Dr. Alvarez:[chuckles nervously] "Well, almost adapted." [The screen irises out on her as the episode ends.]
