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I've tried everything to get into this trophy case.
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The following is a transcript for the episode "What Wood Lincoln Do?".
Script
[The episode begins at school where Mrs. Johnson is teaching]
Mrs. Johnson: "Good morning, class. I have some exciting news, this week's unit will be woodworking," [pulls down a shade with the title of their new unit over the old one, which was yarn] "It's an important life skill, and I know you won't be board. [Holds up a wooden board and laughs, but the class doesn't seem amused, much to Mrs. Johnson's displeasure] "Really? Nobody?"
Lincoln: [To Clyde, uneasy] "Woodworking? Clyde, I'm hosed.
Clyde: "Hang on, I need to pity laugh Mrs. Johnson." [Pretend laughs] "Good one, Mrs. J. I saw what you did there." [Continues laughing, and Mrs. Johnson smiles. Returns to Lincoln] "Okay, now, why are you hosed?"
Lincoln: "Woodworking's just not my thing. Every time I try to build something, I get jelly legs, my vision goes blurry, my hands get sweaty, my ears start ringing."
Clyde: "Ah, like me blowing up balloons."
[Flashback to Clyde's birthday, a very weak Clyde being wheeled into an ambulance, while his dads and Lincoln watch]
Clyde: "Tell my story."
[Flashback ends]
Lincoln: "Exactly."
[The Loud House. In the garage, Lincoln is looking at the blueprints for his project.]
Lincoln: [takes a breather] "Okay, step one." [his vision starts to get blurry] "Oh, boy. Here comes the blurry vision." [passes out]
[Rita comes in with a box of stuff and sees Lincoln passed out.]
Rita: [drops the box] "Lincoln! Are you okay?!" [realizing] "Oh, are you playing dead with Lucy?"
Lincoln: [comes to] "No. I have to build a step stool for class."
Rita: "Oh, honey, I know how you are about woodworking. [picks up the blueprints and looks over them] "But this looks pretty easy, and I can help you."
Lincoln: "Really? Thanks, Mom. So, here are my materials." [Gesturing to the pile of wood]
Rita: "Lincoln, we are not building with pine. Let's go get some hardwood."
Lincoln: "There's different kinds of wood?"
[Later, Lincoln and Rita pull up in front of the hardware store, and Lincoln reads the name]
Lincoln: "'Shoulda Coulda Wooda?' I don't get it." [Thinks about it and realizes] "Oh, now I get it." [Later, he and Rita are roaming the aisles] "I thought we were just getting wood."
Rita: "Well, I found a few things I needed for other projects."
[They continue, and Lincoln sees something]
Lincoln: "Oh, look, they have step stools, why don't we just buy one? They're only $12.99.
Rita: "Lincoln, we're doing this the right way, it's gonna be fun." [Looks next to her] "Oh, stain." [Jerks the cart forward, accidentally sending Lincoln flying head first into one of the toilets]
[Back at the garage]
Rita: "Okay, let's see if we can crack this together." [Reading the instructions] "'Attach the bottom step to the side rail using a flat head screwdriver."
[Lincoln looks around, and picks up a screwdriver]
Lincoln: "Here we go."
Rita: "That's a Phillips head screwdriver," [holds up a flat head] "this is a flat head."
Lincoln: "There's more than one type of screwdriver?"
[Rita nods her head]
Lincoln: [takes the screwdriver] "Okay, cool. I got this."
[Lincoln starts banging the screw with the top of the Screwdriver]
Rita: [Stopping him] "Whoa, whoa, whoa, honey! That's a screw, not a nail."
Lincoln: [groans] "Well, how was I supposed to know that?"
Rita: "Okay, don't get frustrated. Why don't we just, forget about the screws and just try wood glue instead? Kay? [Lincoln shrugs] "Great. Here..." [pulls out a glue bottle and hands it to Lincoln] "...open this, and put on a nice fine bead of glue along the seam."
[Lincoln opens the cap, and Rita turns to look at the instructions again. But when she turns back to Lincoln, she hears the sound of glue splattering, and sees that he managed to cover himself in glue]
Lincoln: [Having officially had it, throws the glue off his head] "Gah! See? I told you I'm no good at this."
Rita: [Sighs, and gives Lincoln a cloth] "Okay. Lincoln, I'll tell you what. Why don't I build it, and you can just, watch how I do it?"
Lincoln: [gets the last of the glue off him] "Oh, that sounds great. Let's do that."
Rita: "That way, if you ever have to do something like this again, you can handle it yourself."
Lincoln: "Oh, totally."
[Rita gets to work on the stool]
[The next day at school, Mrs. Johnson is looking over the students' step stools.]
Mrs. Johnson: "Mm, good effort." [looks at Rusty's] "Nice work." [looks at a student's stool, which doesn't look complete] "Uh...at least you didn't hurt yourself. [pats the boy's head]
[When she gets to Lincoln's step stool, made by Rita, she is surprised and impressed.]
Mrs. Johnson: [gasps] "Lincoln, this is amazing! Way to step it up."
Clyde: [pretend laughs once again] "Too funny, Mrs. J." [Lincoln takes his seat next to him] "Hey! Way to overcome your fear, Lincoln. Makes me wanna go blow up a balloon.
Lincoln: [Whispering] "Well..." [looks around, and holds his hand to his mouth] "...actually, my mom built that for me."
Mrs. Johnson: [erases the board] "Okay, class, we're going to move on to our next woodworking project."
Lincoln: [busy wiggling a pencil to Clyde then realizes] "We're doing another one?"
Mrs. Johnson: [pulls down a shade of the next project] "Birdhouses! Now, they're a little more challenging, but since you've all completed the step stool, I think you can do it."
[The bell rings and Lincoln gets up from his desk. When he looks at the shade, he starts to get jelly legs.]
Lincoln: "Oh, boy. Here come the jelly legs." [passes out once again]
[Back at the Loud House, Rita is staining the dining table in the dining room with wood stain. Enter Lincoln.]
Lincoln: 'Hey, Mom. I stopped by Flip's and got you a blue raspberry Flippee."
Rita: "Aww, that's so sweet, honey. What for?"
Lincoln: "Just a little thank you for helping me out with the step stool."
Rita: "It was my pleasure."
Lincoln: I'm glad to hear you say that." [tosses the Flippee away and pulls out his materials] "Because I've got this other little project I thought we could tackle together: building a birdhouse. Huh? Huh, huh?"
Rita: "Well, sweetie, you don't need my help, remember? I already showed you how to do these projects yourself."
Lincoln: "Oh, totally." [puts down his materials] "But for me, it's not just about doing the project, it's about the mother-son bonding. It's about...this." [grins pleadingly]
Rita: [stern] "Lincoln, I know what you're up to. What kind of parent would I be if I did all your projects for you."
Lincoln: "A really nice one?" [realizes she's not gonna buy it] "Dang it."
Rita: "You have your wood, you have your plans. I know you can do this." [leaves]
[Walt bats his eyes towards Lincoln and Clyde, and aggressively chases after athem, making the two run downstairs in panic. They exit the house, and quickly slam the door. Walt ends up flying so fast, his beak penetrates through the door.]
Lincoln: "I really got to bring his birdhouse home from school."
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