The following is a transcript for the episode "Wheel and Deal".
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The episode begins with Clyde and Lincoln playing a car video game. Lincoln is player one and Clyde - wearing a helmet - is player two, they're on the final lap.] Clyde: "Gotta watch out for that... Ah! Lincoln, look out! Road cow!" [A cow strides onto the road. Lincoln avoids the cow and drives to the finish, while Clyde waits for the cow to cross the road, Lincoln's screen gets covered with yellow text that says "Turbo-Tastic!" with stars floating on the corners, it also has a badge that has a star on the center.] Game Narrator: "Turbo-Tastic! Player one! you've crushed the time for this track!" [while The Game Narrator is speaking, Clyde reaches the finish, Clyde's screen also gets covered with text, but green, and says "Safe!" with a badge that has a thumbs up hand on the center. Now speaking to Clyde.] "Way to stay safe, player two! you obeyed all of the rules of the road!" Clyde: "Yes! That's what I'm talking about! Lincoln: "Nice going, Clyde!" Clyde: "You too, bud!" [Suddenly, Lana and her frog Hops unexpectedly appear popping out of the sofa, which startles the two boys. Clyde falls to the ground.] Lincoln: "Lana! How long have you been in there?" Lana: "Long enough to see what a good driver you are, and to find this old doughnut." [Lincoln gets uncomfortable while Hops eats the ant on the disgusting old donut which Lana holds, then Lana eats the donut whole.] "Lincoln, how'd you like to put those driving skills to the test in real life? And...help your favorite sister impress her hero!" [Lana shows a poster of a Royal Woods Go-Kart Advertisement to Lincoln.] Lincoln:[Reading] "Sign up now for the Royal Woods Go-Kart Grand Prix. First Prize is a ride with Superstar Racer... Lincoln and Lana: "Bobbie Fletcher"." Lana:[eyes sparkle and sighs] "I've been dreaming about it all week." [Lana imagines herself fixing Vanzilla, with Hops sat on top of her opened toolbox. A honking sound is heard. She notices Bobbie Fletcher in a Stock Car pull up outside The Loud House.] Bobbie Fletcher: "Hey, Lana. Ready for our ride?" Racecar:[Moves its bonnet while speaking] "Hop in!" Lana: "I don't care if I'm dreaming. Nobody pinch me." [Grabs Hops and gets in the car.] Bobbie Fletcher: "Buckle up." [Lana and Bobbie both strap their seatbelts. Bobbie sets her gearstick to drive. The car starts revving with smoke burning out of the rear tires.] Racecar: "Let's fly!" [The car takes off and flies upwards into the sunset. End of fantasy.] Lana: "That's why I'm scouting you as my co-driver. I need the best." Lincoln: "Well, I am a pro at driving super-fast virtual cars. What kind of ride are we working with?" [The scene cuts to the garage.] Lana: "Presenting, Loud Lightning!" [Pulls the tarp away, revealing a bathtub.] Lincoln: "Lana, that's a bathtub, and are those Lily's old stroller wheels?" Lana: "Don't focus on what it is, Linc. Focus on what it will be!" Lincoln: "Okay." [Focuses on the vehicle, but remains suspicious.] "I'm still just seeing a bathtub. [Normally] Hey, why don't we soup up Lola's old princess jeep instead? That's something humans are actually meant to drive." Lana: "Psh! That would totally violate the spirit of the race. A true racer builds her own car from scratch. That's what Bobbie Fletcher does and that's what-- [Leans on the bathtub] I'm going to do, too." [Lana breaks a piece of the tub as a result of leaning on it.] Lincoln: "But this thing doesn't even have an engine." Lana: "Not yet!" [Lana brings engines in a wagon.] "But thanks to my connections down at the scrapyard," [Shows Lincoln a roll of duct tape.] "that is gonna change." [Lincoln takes the tape. Lana shuffles a wrench.] "We'll make this tub purr in no time."
[Later, Lincoln is helping Lana reach a frisbee from the tree. Hops comes out from under her hat and snags it with his tongue, giving it to her. They glue the frisbee to a golf club. Later, Lincoln pulls a roll of duct tape, and Lana puts a tennis ball on the stick shift. Lana screws a bolt in using her wrench and closes the bonnet. Lincoln and Lana look at the final product, which looks more like a car.] Lincoln: "Wow, this thing is starting to look like an actual car." Lana: "It's gonna drive like one too." [Hops in] "Let's take it for a spin." [Lincoln gets in] "Buckle up." Lincoln: "The feather boa seatbelts were a nice touch." Lana: "Thanks, now let's get outta here before Lola realizes they're gone." [Lana drives off.]
[At the race track, Lincoln is bragging to Clyde, while both are sat on a barrier right next to the track.] Lincoln: "I'm telling you, Clyde, the competition doesn't stand a chance against Loud Lightning." Clyde: "I feel sorry for them." [Just then, a car whizzes past them and the turbulence causes them to fall backwards. Three real go-carts stop in front of them, the final one being driven by Chandler.] "I retract that." Lincoln: "How the heck did those kids build them? We gotta get to the bottom of this." [They get up and approach Chandler.] "Hey Chandler, nice ride. What kind of engine did you install in this bad boy? V8? V12? V64?" Chandler:[Sighs] "I don't know. We just bought it." [Holds up a catalogue] "Uh, did you weirdos just come out of that bush?" [Lincoln and Clyde are silent.] Lincoln:[Flails his arm for a brief moment.] "Never mind that. What about building your car from scratch like Bobbie Fletcher?" Chandler:[Laughs] "Who's got time for that?" Lincoln: "But don't you care about the spirit of the race?" Chandler: "Uh, newsflash. We just care about winning." [Puts his helmet on] "Now if you'll excuse me, I think you have some dust to eat." [He jumps into his go-cart and races off, with smoke covering the screen. Lincoln and Clyde cough up the smoke and look at each other.]
[Back in the garage, Lana is tightening a bolt when Lincoln runs up with the catalogue.] Lincoln: "Lana, you need to see this." Lana: "Hang on, tweaking an axel." [Finishes] "There, I'm one step closer to that ride with Bobbie Fletcher." [Realizes] "Oh, I made something for you." [Tosses a red helmet at Lincoln. Lana and Hops appears with the helmets.] "Loud Lightning helmets. I even made one for Bobbie! She and I can wear them everywhere. The movies, the racetrack, the Burpin' Burger." Lincoln: "Look, Lana, I've seen the competition. They're all driving crazy fancy cars from this catalogue. Maybe we should, too. Just to be safe." Lana: "Pssh, we can't worry about what others are doing, Loud Lightning has got this." Lincoln: "Does it though? Just leaf through the catalogue. I circled some models you might like." [Lana takes the catalogue...] "If we get a loan from Lola-" [...and confidently tosses it away from him, making Lincoln angry.] "Hey! You didn't even open it!" Lana: "Don't need to, I have faith in our car, I know Loud Lightning can win this thing." [Just then, Charles takes the frisbee off the car and runs away with it. She chases him] "Charles, you little scamp. Get back here with our steering wheel!" [Lincoln groans and facepalms himself.]
[Back at the track, Lincoln and Clyde are keeping an eye on the competition. The fancy cars cross the finish line and Lincoln checks his stopwatch.] Lincoln:[Angrily] "Ah! We'll never beat their time!" [Throws the stopwatch away.] Clyde: "Well, that's the last time I let you borrow my stopwatch." Lincoln:[Realizes his actions.] "Oh, sorry Clyde." [Goes to get it.] "It's not fair at all. Lana worked harder on her car than anyone else, and now she's gonna be humiliated in front of her hero." [Fantasy of all the other racers on the pedestal, laughing as Lana's car slowly inches to the finish line, and falls apart just before crossing. Bobbie Fletcher walks up to Lana, disappointed.] Lana: "But, but I'm the only one who built my own car." Bobbie: "But, you lost, and Bobbie Fletcher only rides with winners." [Gets in her car.] Bobbie's Car: "Sorry kid." [The car flies off and Lana starts to cry.] Lincoln:[Determined] "No, Lana is not going down like that. If everyone else is gonna cut corners so can we, but I'll need help. A lot of help." Clyde:[Unsure] "Uh, I don't know." Lincoln: "Eh... It's not so much cheating, as it is giving Lana a fair chance over the cheaters." Clyde:[Thinks] "Hmm. [Salutes] I'll rally the troops."
[Race day] Race Announcer: "Welcome to the Royal Woods Go-Kart Grand Prix! Racers to the starting line." [Everyone pulls up, Loud Lightning in the back. Lincoln and Lana pass their family, who are cheering.] Lynn:[Chanting] "Team Loud! Team Loud! Team Loud!" Lola:[Realizes something and becomes angry.] "Hey! Those are my feather boas!" [They pull up next to Chandler.] Chandler: "You're seriously driving that? It looks like you made it yourself." Lana: "Uh, yeah, we did." [Chandler laughs. The camera zooms out to Lynn.] Lynn:[Angrily to Chandler] "You just wait 'til the race starts, punk! You're gonna eat their dust! -Ah, nanana-naa!" [-She makes a visual reference, causing Chandler to whimper.] Lincoln: "We got this, Lans." Lana: "Glad you finally believe in Loud Lightning." Lincoln: "What can I say? I've just got a feeling things are gonna go our way." [Opens a map of the racecourse, with 'OPERATION WIN' detailed on it. Lincoln takes out his walkie talkie and whispers.] "Everyone in position?" [His friends speak over the walkie talkie.] Zach: "Affirmative." Liam: "Yee-haw." Stella: "Let's do this." Race Announcer: "Let's all give a warm welcome to our guest of honor... Bobbie Fletcher!" [Bobbie walks out on stage.] Lana:[Gasps with her pupils dilated in affection] "There she is." [Hops slaps her to stop her being distracted.] "Right, okay Lans, focus." Bobbie: "Fire up those engines, folks. First one around the Royal Woods raceway will be the winner. On your mark, get set... Go!" [The racers set off, Chandler admiring himself in the mirror, and Loud Lightning quickly falls behind. Lincoln looks at the map.] Lincoln:[Whispers into his walkie talkie.] "Go for Operation: Cone Zone." [As soon as the other racers pass around a bend, Rusty and Clyde, dressed as construction workers, come out of the bushes and place cones and a detour sign, pointing towards a path through a forest, on the road. They dive back into the bush.] Lana: "Detour? Has that always been here?" [Steers into the Detour.] Lincoln: "Yup, it's right here on the race map." [Lana looks at Lincoln's map instead of up ahead.] "Eyes on the road, Lans." [Hops gets suspicious. They come out through a bush, now in front of the other racers.] Lana: "Whoohoo! Nothing can stop us now!" [Suddenly they go up a steep incline. Loud Lightning slows down and the other racers pass.] Lincoln: "And we're stopping." Lana:[Pumps the accelerator] "Come on Loud Lightning, you got this." Lincoln:[Whispers into his talkie again.] "Go for Operation: Magna boost." [The racers pass by a dumpster. Zach pops out of it and takes out a rope attached to a plunger. He tosses it down. The plunger catches Loud Lightning and pulls it up.] Lana: "Yeah! I knew my baby could do it." [Hops looks at Lincoln.] Lincoln: "Ssh." [Zach gasps and dives back into the dumpster. Loud Lightning passes and the plunger comes off.] Zach:[Whispers] "Yeah." [Suddenly the plunger lands on his mouth. He tries to get it off, but his struggle shakes the dumpster so much that it starts rolling down the steep incline.] "Whoa!" [It crashes, making Zach wearily] "I'm okay." [The other racers are still ahead of Loud Lightning.] Lincoln:[Nervous, get out his talkie.] "Go for Operation: Pig Parade." Liam:[To his pigs] "Showtime y'all." [Opens their crate] "Sueeeey!" [The pigs escape the crate and start running around.] Lana: "We're so close to the other cars I can smell them!" [Smells] "Wait, that's not exhaust, that smells like..." [All the other racers are stuck in mud.] "Mud!" [She becomes distracted with her pupils dilated] "Sweet, sweet mud." Lincoln: "Not now Lana, this is our chance." [A ramp drops] "Gun it for that ramp!" Lana: "Right! Right!" [She goes over the ramp and is now in the lead, she and Lincoln cheer. The finish line is in sight, but the other racers are catching up.] Lincoln: "The finish line is just ahead! We can't let them pass us now." Lana: "Relax. They won't. I've been saving my secret weapon for the home stretch. We're going turbo!" [Activated the lever, but it doesn't do anything.] "I said... Turbo!" [Tries the lever again, but still nothing. Starts fiddling with it.] "Go turbo!" Lincoln:[Into his talkie] "Go for Operation: Wingman." [Stella heard that and swaps her talkie for a remote. Two drones come behind Loud Lightning and give it a boost.] Lana: "Turbo boost!" [Lana's still in the lead.] "We can win this!" [Hears something behind her and looks to the side of the road.] "What's that buzzing sound?" Lincoln: "Uh, nothing. Watch the road!" [She pushes his head aside and looks behind her car. She notices the drones buzzing away.] Lana:[Shocked] "Drones? What the heck's going on here?!" Lincoln: "I'm just as baffled as you. Where could those have come from?" [Lana sees Lincoln holding his walkie talkie, Lincoln nervously laughs. Lana stops the car and lets the other racers pass. She jumps off.] Lana:[Outraged] "Cut the baloney! You're making us cheat!" [Gasps] "And you've been doing this the whole time! All the weird stuff that happened during the race, it's been you!" [She points her finger at him.] Lincoln: "Lana, you don't-" Lana:[Furious] Zip it, Lincoln! You're fired as my co-driver!" [Throws the other lever, which is the passenger ejector seat. Lincoln gets thrown into a bush.] "Come on, Hops. Let's go do this the right way." [Lana turns around and drives back to the start. Lincoln notices and chases after her in desperation.] Lincoln: "Lana, wait! Please! I'm sorry!" [Lana stops to listen] "I was just trying to level the playing field. The race was never going to be fair with all those store-bought cars." Lana: "How many times do I have to tell you? I don't care about the other cars." Lincoln: "But I thought you wanted to win." Lana: "Yeah, but not like that. I wanted to win like a true racer, like Bobbie. And that's why I'm starting over." Lincoln: "That's, really honorable. I should have let you do the race your way in the first place." Lana:[Understanding] "I get it. You were trying to be a good big brother." Lincoln: "So, uh, you still need a co-driver?" Lana: "Hop in." [Hops is startled and jumps out of the way while Lincoln gets in.] "Alright, let's do this!" [Lincoln gets ejected again.] Lincoln: "Whoa!" [Lana looks at the ejector seat lever and becomes shocked.] Lana: "Hops!" [It turns out Hops has stuck his tongue on the lever. Hops retracts his tongue and croaks, smirking a little.]
[That night at the finish line, the Loud family are all asleep, and seemingly the only ones still there. Lincoln and Lana finally cross.] Lincoln: "We finally made it! Too bad no one's awake to see us cross the finish line." Bobbie:[Offscreen] "I am." [Lincoln and Lana gasp as they see Bobbie Fletcher is still here.] "Congratulations! I gotta say, I'm impressed. You're the only team who built their own car. In fact, I'd love to take it for a spin." Lana:[Nervous] "O-Of course Bobbie. But wait, I made you something." [She takes out a helmet from the trunk and gives it to her.] Bobbie:[Takes it] "Wow! I love it! I could wear this everywhere; the movies, the racetrack, the Burpin' Burger." [Lincoln gives his little sister a thumbs-up as she goes to live her dream.] "Whoo, let's ride." Lana: "Get ready to burn some rubber!" [They start, and Loud Lightning falls apart.] Bobbie: "Oof!" Lana: "Heh, oops." Bobbie: "Don't sweat it, Lana. My first car broke down all the time too. Want some help with repairs?" Lana: "Oh, that'd be great!" Bobbie's Car:[Flies to the moon] "I love a happy ending!"
