The following is a transcript for the episode "Wild Goss Chase."
Script[]
The quotations in the following transcript are owned by Paramount Skydance and are an exception to The Loud House Encyclopedia's CC-BY-SA license. This transcript is provided in full as a source of review and reference, which likely falls under fair use.
[The bell rings at Royal Woods Elementary, and the editor of the school newspaper is pacing in front of a whiteboard trying to think of an idea. She looks at the lousy ideas already written down, groans, and wipes them off] Jamie: "This just in, the school newspaper is in extra, extra big trouble!" [Flips the whiteboard revealing a chart of the newspaper's readership, which is currently freefalling. Jamie taps the whiteboard so hard Petey Wimple yelps and squeezes his ketchup bottle so hard ketchup lands on his head] "The headline: Editor Jamie Hiller is in a panic over terrible readership numbers. What we need are real gritty stories to grab new readers. Ashley, what ya got for me?" [She is about to answer] "And do not pitch me another story about your aunt's new hot tub." Kristen: "I got nothing." Jamie: "Ugh. Okay, Petey, dazzle me." Petey: "Hmm. What about…" [Picks up the mustard squeeze bottle] "Hot dogs?" [Jamie groans and bangs the table, making Petey squeeze mustard on his head] Jamie: "Ugh! Everyone knows processed pork is out! There has to be some way to get folks to read out rag." [Jamie suddenly notices some kids laughing at another table. Loads of students are watching Lola sip her tea] Lola: "And listen to this. Armin cut in front of Lexi Rose on the monkey bars and now they won't even look at each other." [At the adjacent table, Lexi Rose and Armin, even though they're still sitting next to each other, have propped up and stacked their lunch trays to form a barrier between themselves and are eating their lunches in silence. The top tray tips over but they both stop it before they see each other and then tape it up, then get back to eating in silence. Lola goes back to her tea] Girl #1: "Lola you always have the best gossip." Sasha: "Oh, yeah! Don't just keep sipping tea. Spill it! Tell us more." Lola: "Okay. How about this one? Rumor has it that someone's been pranking Principal Huggins by blasting an air horn at him. It's made him a wreck!" [Nods towards Principal Huggins, who is paranoidly trying to eat his lunch, but keeps anticipating when the next blast is going to happen. He manages to finish his water and relaxes a little, suddenly an air horn taped to the underside of the table goes off. Principal Huggins is even more freaked out] Jamie: "Press coming through." [Jamie pushes her way through the crowd] "Sorry people, we need an exclusive interview with Lola." [The crowd dissipates. Jamie grabs Lola's hand and shakes it] "Jamie Hiller, student editor, the Elementary Herald. Your mom works for my Aunt Jesse at the Gazette. And I want you to work for me." [Lola holds up her cup and Jamie refills it] "Our paper needs some oomph, and your goss could be just the thing. How about writing a column for us?" Lola: "Ugh, writing? Sounds like work." Petey:[Holding a pudding cup] "You'd get your picture in the paper." [Lola squeals in delight, making Petey squeeze pudding onto his just cleaned head] Lola: "So I'd be like, the star writer of the newspaper?" Jamie: "Uh, okay, well, there's a staff." Lola:[Gets on the table] "Who knows where it could lead? One day the school paper, the next day, a national talk show!" [Hums a little tune] "That's the theme song, I just wrote it. Lola is in." [Jamie is thrilled about this. Suddenly the still paranoid principal walks by, still shaken up, still waiting for the next blast, he puts his tray in the lunch cart and the next blast goes off]
[After lunch Lola hits the halls with her notebook and pen ready] Lola: "Let the wild goss chase begin! But I've got to play it subtle so people don't know I'm eavesdropping on them." [Lola casually strolls up to some students, filing her gloved nails] Boy #1: "Why does it always have to be a number two pencil? What if I wanted to use an eight, or a one billion?" [They notice Lola who yelps and grabs some random boy and forces a laugh] Lola: "Right? That's what I said Charlie." Logan: "My name is Logan, and I don't know what you're talking about." [Lola just laughs again and throws Logan away] Lola: "Classic Charlie!" [Walks and notices another student. She goes to the fountain and pretends to drink] "Slurp, slurp!" [Turns the water on] "Mmm. Such yummy water." [The student is just talking about his least favourite vegetables] Boy #2: "I like peas. Asparagus I can live without. Get back to me on carrots." [Lola can't believe this and turns her head, the water flowing into her ear. She spits it out through her mouth. The students notice her and she stops, shakes the water off, and bangs it out of her ear. Lola continues on. This time Lola hides in an open locker, some more students stroll past, but their conversation is the by far least interesting] Girl #2: "The toilet in stall three definitely has better suction." Lola:[Getting annoyed] "Oh, none of this is goss-worthy enough for my very first column!" [Suddenly she sees something, Mrs. Johnson is exiting her classroom looking rather suspicious, when she thinks she's not being watched, she runs down the hall] "Whatcha up to, Mrs. Johnson?" [Mrs. Johnson sneaks up to the principal's office, checks the coast again and goes in, unaware that Lola is following. Mrs. Johnson goes right into Huggins' office, Lola hides outside the door and dives into the plant. Mrs. Johnson gets behind the desk and Lola peeks out of the plant, ready to write. Mrs. Johnson reaches into her hair and pulls out an air horn and chuckles as she plants it under the seat. Lola snaps a photo. Suddenly they both hear Principal Huggins whistling. Mrs. Johnson dives out the window and the principal calmly walks in, he sits and gets air horned right out of his seat. Lola jots notes]
[The next day, the papers read 'AIRHORN PRANKSTER UNCOVERED!' with photo evidence. The students are intrigued and chatter, but stop when they see a dejected Mrs. Johnson walk by. She goes to the table in the back corner where Principal Huggins and Cheryl are eating] Mrs. Johnson: "Room for one more?" Principal Huggins: "I don't know about you, Cheryl, but I suddenly feel very uncomfortable in this cafeteria. Let's eat lunch in our offices, shall we?" [The two turn their noses up at Mrs. Johnson, take their lunches and walk away] Mrs. Johnson: "Oh, come on, Wilbur! It was a joke." [Sighs, sits, and sees everyone looking at her, which she doesn't enjoy] "Oh, like none of you ever made bad life choices." [Dawns some dark sunglasses, which she happens to have on her]
[Later, on the bus, Lola is crawling under the seats. Meanwhile, Lana's friend Kayla is looking around to make sure she's not being watched, when she thinks she isn't she digs into her nose and pulls out something green, she sticks her tongue out just as Lola sneaks up behind her, writes some notes and takes a photo. The next paper reads 'KAYLA CAUGHT SNEAKING A TASTE'. The next day, in Coach Pacowski's office, he is alone, holding his phone in one hand and a cricket bat in the other] Video Narrator: "Chapter nine in our 'sports for the uncoordinated' series, the cricket swing. Paddles up, everyone." [Pacowski tries, but cricket paddles are actually a lot heavier on the end] "And swing!" [Pacowski tries, but the paddle flies out of his hands, bounces off the walls and hits him in the face. A set of eyes sees this from the vent and a pair of hands wearing pink gloves takes a photo. The headline reads 'COACH P. NEEDS HIS OWN COACHING!'. At recess, Winston is getting ready to go down the slide. He slides down, but the back of his pants get torn off by a loose screw. When he lands, his pants fall off, exposing his Blarney the Dinosaur underpants. Winston look forward and sees Lola remorselessly take a picture of them, she then starts jotting notes right in front of him] Winston:[Covers himself, not wanting to be more embarrassed] "Please, Lola! You can't write about my Blarney underpants." [Pulls his pants up] Lola: "Sorry, sweetie. When Lola sees the goss, Lola tells the goss. Bye!" [Flips her hair and strolls away. Winston's lip quivers at his inevitable shame and his pants drop again. The next headline 'I SEE LONDON, I SEE FRANCE, I SEE BLARNEY UNDERPANTS!']
[At the next paper staff meeting, Jamie is thrilled by their new readership. Petey puts down his juicebox before Jamie slaps the whiteboard] Jamie: "Headline! Our readership is through the roof, and it's thanks to your column, Lola! This is bigger than when Ashley won a Pulitzer!" Kristen: "My proudest moment. I got one of Mr. Pulitzer's slide whistles for winning recess bingo." Jamie: "Breaking news, Lola! I'm moving your column to the front page." [Shows a preview] Lola:[Gasps] "I always knew blabbing was my special gift." [Meanwhile, Winston walks past a table with his head down] Girl #3:[Pretending Winston can't hear her] "Blarney is so kindergarten." [She and her friend laugh as Winston blushes in shame] Coach Pacowski: "Oh, you got goss'ed too, huh?" [He is sitting in the back corner table with Mrs. Johnson and Kayla, all wearing dark sunglasses] Mrs. Johnson: "Join us, at the table of shame." [Offers Winston an extra pair of sunglasses, which he accepts]
[Later, at Tall Timbers Park, Lola drives along in search of her next victim. She gets her binoculars ready] Lola: "Must be people from school here today. Mama needs some grade A dirt. My readers expect no less." [Lola keeps looking, and drives over a guy sunbathing. Lola then hears something and looks to see Cheryl and Meryl playing badminton together] "Cheryl and Meryl? Oh! That's a goss goldmine." [Turns her car around and drives back. The sunbather turns over, only for Lola to drive over him again. The Farrell twins are still playing and Lola parks her jeep behind a bush on the other side of the fence. She then jumps into the bush and comes out the other side. She squeezes her head through the bars of the fence to listen in] Meryl: "Beat you again, sis! Time to pay up. And guess what I want?" Cheryl: "Girl, how many pairs of boot-scootin' boots does one boot scooter need?" Meryl: "Keep losing and we'll find out!" [Walks away laughing, Cheryl follows. Meanwhile Lola groans over not getting any goss. She is about to leave when suddenly she realizes something, she bangs her head against the bars, but she's stuck. She tries another way but it's no good] Lola: "Ugh. Fantastic. First Cheryl and Meryl fail me, now I'm stuck!" [She looks for some salvation from this embarrassing moment and sees Flip and Nacho selling snow cones nearby] "Psst!" [Flip doesn't hear her. Lola gets annoyed and throws her tiara at him, it pokes him right on the butt] Flip: "Yowch!" [Flip looks where that came from and sees Lola waving at him] Lola: "Flip, you have to get me out of here fast. I can not have anybody from school seeing me like this!" [Flip is about to say something] "And money is not an issue." Flip:[Chuckles] "Aww, everybody gets old Flip. it just goes to show you how beloved I am."
[Later, Flip opens a bottle of green Flippee syrup] Flip: "Nothing greases up the dome better than lime Flippee syrup." [Dumps it on Lola's head. She gags on it. Nacho grabs her feet and gets ready to pull and Flip rubs together his orange hands] "Ah, excuse the hands. I had me a hankering for spicy corn chips." [Licks his fingers and gets pushing. He and Nacho try to free Lola, but Nacho just pulls Lola's shoes off and falls into the bush, which upsets some pigeons who fly away, getting some feathers on Lola, who grumbles. Next they have the tow truck's hook attached to one of the bars] "Okay, Nacho, give it some gas." [Nacho gets driving, pulling the bar, and loosening it] Lola: "It's working, it's working! Come on, raccoon. Step on it." [Nacho revs up, but the back wheel is in a mud puddle, as Nacho revs, mud gets shot right at Lola's face. Lola spits it out and sighs] "Guess I have no other choice. Flip, call the fire department. But tell them absolutely no sirens."
[Later, a firefighter is using bolt cutters on the bars and a rather large crowd of adults has gathered] Lola: "Well…" [gets hit with the bolt cutters] "Ow! At least no one…" [Gets hit again] "Ow! From school is…" [And again] "Ow! Here." [Suddenly she sees something. Over at the playground Winston is climbing the rock wall, he jumps down and brushes himself off. Lola crosses her fingers desperately] "Plea-hee-hee-hee-hease don't see me!" [Winston finishes and looks over] Winston: "Huh?" Lola: "And that my friends, is direct eye contact." [However, Winston doesn't seem very interested and walks away. Lola sees him leaving. Meanwhile, the fireman gets Lola out of the fence, she doesn't even notice the crowd cheering as she is too busy gasping, thinking Winston is going to share her humiliation] Lola: "Thank you for your service." [Runs over to Winston. Winston is about to leave the park when Lola grabs him by the blazer] "How much to keep your mouth shut?" [Starts throwing cash at Winston] "Ten? Twenty? A hundred?" [Pulls a giant ball of cash out from under her dress] "A hundred thousand?! Okay, not that much. I got carried away." [Puts it back] "Name your price, Winston, between ten and a hundred." Winston: "What are you talking about?" Lola: "I'll pay you not to tell everyone at school what you saw here today. Me, the fence, et cetera." [Knows Nacho is trying to swipe the cash she dropped] "Take one more dollar and I will make your raccoon life MISERABLE!" [Nacho puts the money he took back, and leaves sheepishly. Winston gives Lola an answer she wasn't expecting] Winston: "I wasn't gonna tell anyone about what happened." Lola: "Why not? That's the hottest goss of the year! I'd blab immediately." Winston: "Well, that's the difference between you and me. I'm not a meanie!" [Lola dramatically gasps at Winston's implication] Lola:[Offended] "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Winston: "Ever since you wrote about my Blarney underpants, people have been teasing me. And I'm not the only one you've embarrassed. You haven't noticed all the people in school wearing dark sunglasses?" Lola:[Confused] "I just thought indoor sunglasses were making a comeback?" Winston:[Really doesn't like Lola right now] "Maybe that's the problem. You don't even realize how hurtful your gossip is. Hmm." [Walks away from Lola, who takes a moment to think about what her crush just told her] Lola: "Wow. He's right. I have been a meanie. I've got to find a way to make this up to everybody." [Sets off]
[The next day at school, Lola approaches the cafeteria with an armload of papers] Lola:[Takes a breath] "Here goes nothing." [Walks through the cafeteria and hands out papers] "Hot off the presses! Got the latest goss right here! The tea is scorching today!" [Lola joins the rest of the paper staff] Jamie: "Lola, your new column is a smash!" [Lola's column is a photo of her stuck in the fence, the title being 'MELON HEAD GIRL SPARKS HOT MESS FOR FIREFIGHTERS'] "Spilling the beans on yourself?! How will you top that?" Lola: "I won't, because I am resigning from the newspaper." [Returns her notepad and pen] Jamie: "Ah, don't yank my gam, Loud. Please tell me you're joking." Lola: "Sorry, but I realized people's feelings are more important than getting a front page story." [Walks off] Jamie: "But…" [Lola walks through the crowd of kids reading the paper and laughing, they all stop when Lola walks by, but she keeps her head held high. The table of shame sees all the laughter and then sees Lola walk up to them, wearing dark sunglasses too. Lola winks at Winston, who smiles at her] Girl #4: "What a big head." Boy #3: "The whole fire department came!" [The table of shame are all pleased] Coach Pacowski:[Removes his sunglasses] "Agnes, do you hear that? It's the sweet sound of freedom!" Mrs. Johnson:[Takes her sunglasses off] "They're not gossiping about us anymore!" [They all toss away their sunglasses, then cheer and dance. Principal Huggins walks by, unfortunately it's at the exact same time Agnes blasts her air horn again, causing him to do a faceplant into his spaghetti. He glares at her and she puts the horn away, and puts her sunglasses back on] "I'll eat lunch in my car." [Walks to her car in shame]
