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I've tried everything to get into this trophy case.
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You know the rules, we all gotta wait our turn.
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The following is a transcript for the episode "Yes Man".
Script
[Lori and Leni's closet]
Lori: "Why is your scarf on my shelf?"
Leni: "Maybe your shelf is underneath my scarf! Did you ever think of that?"
Luna: [opens the door] "Yo, dudes, who can spot me some green?"
Leni: [squeals] "I wanna play!" [looking around] "Um...that sweater! That plant! Wait! Are my eyes green?" [crosses her eyes]
Luna: "No, I mean I need cash. There's a Mick Swagger auction today, and I really need to buy this beauty!" [shows a ragged filthy worn-out shirt on her phone] "Mick wore it every night of his Mild Horses tour. It still has his pit stains."
Lori: "Well, Leni and I are literally broke. Try Mom and Dad."
Luna: "Mom and Dad? What's the point, dude? They'll just lay that whole "big family, small budget" rap on me! Bogus!"
Leni: [screams with her eyes still crossed] "Lori, I think my eyes are stuck."
[On Lincoln's laptop, Clyde, Liam, and Zach are putting on SMOOCH outfits]
Clyde: "Lincoln, where are you? I thought we were getting ready together."
Liam: "Yeah. We gotta put our faces on if we're gonna hang with them rock stars."
Lincoln: [in his grownup outfit] "Hold on." [puts them on hold, holds up a SMOOCH poster and speaks to the viewers] "SMOOCH is having a special VIP concert tonight, where you get to go backstage and meet the band. In the immortal words of my sister Luna..." [does his rock pose] "...it's gonna be rockin'!" [gets back on with his friends] "I'll be right over. I just gotta get the money for my ticket."
Clyde: "What? You haven't asked your parents yet?
Lincoln: "Guys, don't worry. You know I'm the Master of Convincing. Especially when it comes to my parents."
[A sulking Luna overhears this]
Lincoln: "Got my suit dry-cleaned, my speech written, my turkey tail slicked...yes, sir, I'm ready to go."
[Luna comes in]
Luna: [to Lincoln's friends] "You say goodbye, and I say hello!" [closes the screen]
Lincoln: [upset] "Luna!"
Luna: "Sorry, bro. It's an emergency. You gotta help me convince the 'rents to cough up the dough for this." [holds up the shirt picture]
Lincoln: "I think that's the wrong picture. It looks like a sweaty T-Shirt."
Luna: "Yeah! Mick Swagger's sweaty T-Shirt!"
Lincoln: "I'd love to help you, but I have my own business to attend to."
Luna: "But, dude, the auction ends in an hour! Come on! This is urge!"
Lincoln: "Why do you need my help?"
Luna: "You said it yourself, bro; you're the Master of Convincing! Please! I ain't too proud to beg!" [she says in a begging pose]
Lincoln: [sighs] "Okay, fine."
Luna: [elated] "Radical! So, what's the plan? You gonna write me a speech? Do I get to wear the blue suit?"
Lincoln: "No, no. The secret to convincing is to use your strengths."
[Cut to Luna playing her guitar and singing to her parents]
Luna: "♫And that's why I need the pit-stained T!♫ I SAY PIT, YOU SAY STAIN! PIT!"
Lynn Sr. and Rita: "STAIN!"
Luna: "PIT!"
Lynn Sr. and Rita: "STAIN!"
Lynn Sr.: "Woo-hoo! Take the cash!"
[He throws it everywhere to Luna's delight. She goes back to Lincoln]
Luna: "♫The 'rents gave me money for this crusty T / Thank you, baby bro, for helping me!♫"
Lincoln: "No problem. Now it's my turn."
[The other sisters are suddenly there]
Lynn: "Whoa! He helped you get money from Mom and Dad?"
Luna: "Yup. He's the Master of Convincing."
Lincoln: [notices Luna's head a little too close] "Watch the turkey tail!"
Leni: "Ooh! Can you help me and Lori, too? We need a closet organizer."
Luan: "Yeah. I need a tuxedo for Mr. Coconuts."
Lisa: "I require certain isotopes for my research."
Lucy: "I need the preserved skeleton of an 1840's gold miner."
Lincoln: "Guys, I can't deal with this right now. I have my own thing to take care of."
Lola: [feigning sadness] "Oh, we get it. You love Luna the best."
Lynn: [also feigning] "We'll just watch her enjoy the thing you helper her get."
Lori: [feigning as well] "Oh, sorry to bother you, Lincoln. We mistook you for someone who cared about all of his sisters."
[They start to leave with all except Luna looking sad]
Lincoln: [sighs] "Okay, fine."
[The other sisters come back beaming]
Lincoln: "Now, the key to convincing is to use your strengths."
[Luan and Mr. Coconuts go first]
Luan: [voicing Mr. Coconuts] "Well, folks, you've been great. I'd stay longer, but I have a family reunion at the lumber yard. Har-har-har!"
[The parents laugh]
Rita: "Oh, Mr. Coconuts, you are too funny."
Lynn Sr.: [still laughing] "I can't-I can't-"
Luan: [sad] "Yeah. It's too bad he can't go to the big comedy gala. It's black tie, and he can't afford a tuxedo." [as Mr. Coconuts] "Aw, coconuts!"
Lynn Sr.: "What? He has to go!"
[He gives Luan the money and she gives Lincoln a wink and a thumbs up, as Lincoln gives her a thumbs up back. Next, Lola and Lana are looking at their parents with big pleading eyes]
Lola: "Gee, Daddy, if you got me a new engine for my jeep, I'd be the happiest little girl in the world."
Lana: "And I'd be her happy little grease monkey."
Lynn Sr.: [infatuated by their cuteness] "Aw. How can I say no to my adorable little girls."
[He gives them their money, they give Lincoln a thumbs-up, he gives one back. Next is Lisa with VR goggles]
Lisa: "Behold a simulation of a future made possible by my latest research."
[The parents put them on]
Rita: "Honey, this is amazing! [watches a housekeeping robot clean the kitchen]
Lisa: "True, but it can't come to fruition until I get my hands on the necessary isotopes."
Lynn Sr.: "Then you shall have those isotopes!" [gives her the money to her delight]
Rita: "Wait. What is this?" [sees a giant metallic bug crawling all over the house]
Lisa: "Uh-oh. There's still a few glitches in the system, but I'm dealing with them."
[She gives Lincoln a thumbs-up as he gives her one back. Next is Lynn who's playing Basketball with her Dad with a hoop in the living room, and it appears she's losing]
Lynn: [acting] "Four-zip? You are destroying me."
Lynn Sr.: "That's what you get for challenging your old man."
Lynn: "How about this: if I can beat you, you buy me a new basketball hoop for the garage?"
Lynn Sr.: "It never hurts to dream."
[Lynn grabs the ball and makes enough baskets to beat her old man at the game while he lays on the ground from a botched play]
Lynn Sr.: [in pain] "Honey, can you get my wallet from my pocket? I think I sprained, well...everything."
[Lynn thumbs-up Lincoln, he thumbs her up back. Next is Lucy with a gravestone with her name etched in]
Lucy: "Today, we remember Lucy Loud, who lived to be 105 but never got over the dashed childhood dream of owning a real human skeleton."
Rita: [despondent yet knowing as her husband holds out the cash] "We get it. You can have the money."
[Lucy turns and smiles to Lincoln]
TRANSLATION: THANK YOU
[Lincoln gives her a finger snap]
TRANSLATION: NO PROBLEMO
[Next is Lori and Leni who are talking at the same time]
Lori: "We need a better closet system..."
Leni: "We need a better closet organizer..."
because there's an odd..."
Leni: "...because some stuff is hers..."
Lori: "...number of shelves and even number of girls..."
Leni: "...but some stuff is mine that used to be hers..."
Lori: "...which means..."
Lynn Sr.: [gives them the money, unable to take it anymore] "Okay, okay, take the money! Just please stop talking."
[The parents fall over on the sofa exhausted from their two oldest daughters talking so much. The sisters smile to Lincoln who tells them to just move along. Finally, Lily shows her parents a catalog for a doll called Teddy Listen. Her parents are not sure, so Lily starts screaming so loud, the sound carries throughout the whole world and the cosmos]
Lynn Sr. and Rita: [tortured] "PLEASE, TAKE THE MONEY!" [gives it to her]
Lily: [giggles]
Lincoln: "Finally! It's the master's turn."
[He and Lily high-five each other. Lincoln has just finished up his speech]
LINCOLN LOUD'S THREE R'S
Lincoln: "And those are the three R's of why you should fund my ticket to the VIP SMOOCH concert tonight. A-thank you."
Rita: "Well, we always enjoy your little presentations."
Lincoln: "A-thank you."
Lynn Sr:. "And you are looking sharp in that suit."
Lincoln: "A-thank you."
Rita: "And as much as we'd love to help you, the answer is no."
Lincoln: [thinking they said yes] "Sweet! Cash is fine, but if you need to do a check-" [realizes] "Wait. What?"
[His turkey tail stands up]
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